Page 17 of The Silencer

"You're safe now, Clodagh," she says."He can't hurt you anymore.You're here with me, and I promise I'll protect you."

Her words are kind, and I want desperately to believe them, but the fear is still there, clawing at my insides.

"What if he comes back?"I whisper, voicing my deepest fear for the first time."What if he finds me again?"

Tammy's face softens with understanding."He won't, love.He's in prison, and he's going to stay there for a very long time.And even if he wasn't, I wouldn't let anyone hurt you.Not ever again."

She holds out her hand, palm up, offering comfort without demanding it.After a moment's hesitation, I place my smaller hand in hers.Her skin is warm and soft, so different from his rough, cruel hands.

"Would you like some hot chocolate?"she asks."I find it always helps me when I can't sleep."

I nod, wiping my tears with my free hand.As we walk to the kitchen, Tammy keeping hold of my hand, I feel the fear start to recede.It's not gone completely—I don't know if it ever will be—but it's manageable now.

As I sip the warm, chocolate drink, watching Tammy putter around the kitchen, I realize something.This isn't just a house I'm staying in until something better comes along.This is becoming home.And Tammy, with her gentle ways and unlimited patience, is becoming family.

"I used to have nightmares too," she says, surprising me."After my husband died.They were so real, I'd wake up thinking he was still alive, and then I'd have to lose him all over again."

I look up at her, seeing the pain in her eyes."What did you do?"I whisper.

She smiles softly."I learned to remind myself, every night before I went to sleep, that I was safe.That the bad things couldn't hurt me anymore.And when I woke up scared, I'd tell myself the same thing."

"Does it work?"

"Most of the time," she says."And when it doesn't, I get up and make myself a cup of hot chocolate."

I nod, taking another sip of my hot chocolate.The warm liquid seems to chase away the last remnants of my nightmare.We sit in comfortable silence for a while.The only sound is the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall.

"Tammy?"I ask hesitantly.

"Yes, love?"

"Do you think...do you think I'll ever stop being scared?"

Tammy looks at me, her eyes full of compassion."Oh, Clodagh.I wish I could tell you the fear will disappear completely, but the truth is, it might always be there in some form.What I can tell you is that it will get easier.You'll learn to manage it, to not let it control you."

She reaches across the table and gently takes my hand."And you won't have to do it alone.I'll be here, every step of the way."

I feel tears welling up in my eyes again, but this time they're not from fear.It's a different feeling, one I can't quite name.Gratitude, maybe.Or hope.

"Thank you," I whisper.

Tammy squeezes my hand."You're welcome, sweetheart.Now, how about we try to get some more sleep?I'll stay with you until you fall asleep if you'd like."

I nod, suddenly feeling very tired.As we walk back to my room, I realize that for the first time since that horrible day, I don't feel completely alone.

Tammy tucks me in, smoothing the blankets around me.She sits on the edge of the bed, humming softly.It's not a tune I recognize, but it's soothing.

As I drift off to sleep, I think about what Tammy said.The fear might always be there, but I don't have to face it alone anymore.And maybe, just maybe, that's enough to start healing.

* * *

The smell of pancakes wakes me, and a small smile plays on my lips.This feels normal, like this is where I’m supposed to be now.I know my family will always be with me in my heart, but while they can’t be with me physically, Tammy will be.

I pad downstairs to find Tammy at the stove, flipping pancakes.Mister Whiskers is winding around her ankles, hoping for a treat.

"Good morning, Clodagh," Tammy says with a smile."How are you feeling?"

I consider the question for a moment."Better," I say, and I'm surprised to find that it's true.The nightmare seems far away in the bright morning light.

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