Page 18 of The Silencer

"I'm glad," Tammy says."Now, how about some breakfast?I made your favorite—blueberry pancakes."

As I sit down at the table, watching Tammy pile pancakes onto my plate, I feel a small spark of warmth in my chest.It's not happiness, not yet, but it's something close to contentment.A feeling of safety and belonging that I thought I'd never experience again.

"Thank you," I say softly as Tammy places the plate in front of me.

She smiles, ruffling my hair gently as she passes."You're welcome, love.Eat up now.We've got a busy day ahead."

I look up, curiosity piqued."We do?"

Tammy nods, sitting down across from me with her own plate."I thought we might go to that park I told you about.Feed the ducks, maybe have a picnic if you're feeling up to it.But only if you want to, of course."

The idea of going out still makes me a bit nervous, but I find myself nodding."I'd like that," I say, surprising myself with how much I mean it.

As we eat, Tammy chatters about her plans for the garden, asking for my input on what flowers we should plant.It strikes me suddenly how naturally she says "we," including me in her plans without hesitation.

After breakfast, I help Tammy pack a picnic basket.She lets me choose what sandwiches to make and which snacks to bring.It's a small thing, but having control over these decisions makes me feel more secure, more normal.

At the park, we find a quiet spot by the lake.Tammy spreads out a blanket and we sit, tossing bread to the eager ducks.The sun is warm on my face, and the sound of children playing in the distance mixes with the quacking of the ducks.

"Tammy?"I say after a while, my voice quiet.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

I hesitate, unsure how to express what I'm feeling."I...I just wanted to say thank you.For everything."

Tammy's eyes soften.She reaches out slowly, giving me time to pull away if I want to, and gently squeezes my hand."Oh, Clodagh.You don't need to thank me.I'm just so glad you're here with me."

I nod, blinking back tears.We sit in comfortable silence for a while, watching the ducks swim across the lake.

“Tomorrow, I have an appointment booked for you to speak to someone.It will help you come to terms with everything and also help you heal.”

I stay silent, my body tensing at Tammy's words.The idea of talking to a stranger about everything that happened makes my stomach churn.I've barely been able to discuss it with the police, let alone open up to someone I don't know.

Tammy must sense my unease because she quickly adds, "It's okay if you're not ready, Clodagh.There's no pressure.The therapist is very kind and experienced with helping children who've been through trauma.But if you don't want to go, we don't have to."

I pick at the grass beside the blanket, avoiding Tammy's gaze."Do I have to talk about...everything?"I ask quietly.

"No, sweetheart," Tammy says gently."You only have to talk about what you're comfortable with.The therapist is there to help you, not to force you to relive painful memories."

I nod slowly, still uncertain."Will...will you come with me?"

"Of course," Tammy says without hesitation."I'll be right there in the waiting room the whole time.And if you want me to come in with you, I can do that too."

Her words ease some of the tension in my chest.I take a deep breath, steeling myself."Okay," I whisper."I'll try."

Tammy smiles softly."That's very brave of you, Clodagh.I'm proud of you for being willing to try."

Her praise warms me, and I feel a small surge of determination.Maybe talking to someone will help.Maybe it will make the nightmares less frequent, the fear less overwhelming.

"Can we feed the ducks some more?"I ask, changing the subject.

"Of course," Tammy says, reaching for the bag of bread."Here, why don't you try calling them over?"

Tossing bread to the eager ducks, I think about tomorrow's appointment.I'm still nervous, but there's a tiny spark of hope too.If it can help me feel better, help me move past the horrible things that happened, then maybe it's worth trying.

For now, though, I focus on the present moment.The sun on my face, the soft blanket beneath me, Tammy's gentle presence beside me.For the first time in months, I feel something close to peace.

While packing up our picnic later, Tammy asks, "Was this okay?Coming to the park?"

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