Page 3 of Embers in Our Past

I’m about to protest, but she interrupts me. “Don’t, Clay. Don’t say we will find a way. Each corner of this house reminds me of what we are missing. That spare bedroom is a screaming reminder. Even with the office stuff in there and no baby materials sitting on the walls, I close my eyes, and that’s all I see. I have felt such sadness over everything that won’t happen, and it’s destroying me, Clay.”

She is pleading with me to understand something I can’t. I don’t see each of those scenarios with the same eyes. My perspective is different; then again, I don’t feel the hormones the way she does firsthand. The pain of the shots, the dream fading, or that dream dying out. I simply see a challenge I want to overcome with the woman I love.

“We’ve got options. I just see a future with you, baby. We can keep trying. We can take a break. Like I said, we can try surrogacy or adoption. It’s worth it so long as you’re with me.” She’s still moving while I follow behind her, begging, and then she’s grabbing her bags and pulling up something on her phone.

“I get it. You see this last failed attempt as a challenge we can overcome, but you and I both know I’m saving us from having to face the uncomfortable, which was inevitably going to happen.”

“But, Abby, this isn’t what I want. Doesn’t that matter?” I’m watching her grab her things, and I’m rooted in place.

“That’s the thing, Clay. This is the hard part of it. I don’t think you’d ever leave. You’d suffer for as long as is needed, and as great as that sounds, it gets old. You’d get tired of it. We can’t keep fighting the inevitable. We will only drift apart anyway. So, I’m doing this for us.”

She’s moving her hand onto the doorknob, and I finally unglue myself from the place I’m standing. “Hold on, so you’re going to California for a few weeks, then coming back? Maybe after you get away a bit, we can find a new place. Start fresh?” I know she just needs to recalibrate, and then we can figure out what we’ll do next.

She shakes her head. “No, Clay. You’re not understanding. I’m moving to California for good. That’s what I meant by permanently. I spoke to my parents, and they said I could move back home until I can get settled over there.”

“Are you serious?” I throw my hands up in the air. Her parents, especially her mom, never approved of us getting married. They were always against us dating, let alone getting married so young.

“I won’t fight you on most of the things we have. I packed a few items, but you can keep the rest. We just have to figure out the house,” she says, as if this is such an easy task.

“Seems you’ve thought of everything.” I feel the bitterness lace my words.

She may have figured everything out on her end, but I don’t know if I’ll ever figure out how to live a life where Abby Nichols isn’t by my side.

CHAPTER 1

Clay

“Where do you want this box?”my brother yells as he and Ashton carry yet another load of my things into my new place.

It’s been three weeks since Abby left, and the ache is no less painful. I fight the urge to respond with, “Who cares?” It’s not his fault my life is in ruins. I point toward the back room and continue to look at my new space in hopes it will someday feel like home.

I couldn’t take being in that house a moment longer without my wife by my side. I honestly thought she was going to spend one night back on the West Coast and then call me crying because she missed me. I didn’t expect her to last one second on California soil, much less three fucking weeks. But here I am, starting my life without the partner I wanted to grow old with. This is a nightmare—living a bachelor life is the last thing I wanted for myself. Abby was it for me.

“Well, brother, I guess it’s just you and me again.” River brings his arm around me, pulling me into an embrace. “It’s going to be okay, Clay. I promise I’ll get you through it.”

Right then, his puppy, Lola, comes between our legs, and her head bumps into my calf, begging for attention. She’s a ball of energy.

“She better not have an accident in here, Riv,” I scold. “She already tried to pee on my mattress before I caught her.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet. Wait until she finds your shoes, right, princess?” He picks her up and brings her face up to his own.

She’s fucking adorable, but I will not be fooled. My mother already finds her to be the most amazing gift on this planet. She’s a ball of fur with the sweetest face. The moment she gets close enough to my brother, she licks his nose.

“I know you are just the cutest thing, aren’t you, Lola?” he says, reserving his high-pitched voice for her. I roll my eyes.

“Don’t give me that look, Clay. You know you love her too. Doesn’t Uncle Clay love you, Lola? Yes, he does.” He scrunches the dog’s face against his and bats his eyes. It’s hard to keep a straight face, and I end up laughing at his antics.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” I shove his shoulder and walk away.

“Don’t act like I don’t complete you, Clay,” he yells at me as he puts Lola back on the ground.

“Yes, River, you are the wind beneath my wings and all that.” I make my way through my new kitchen, opening another box to grab more items to put into some cabinets.

I hear a voice at my front door, and it brings a smile to my face. Soon enough, a familiar face greets us at the entrance of my kitchen.

“Hey, Rios, thanks for joining the fun,” River says as Lola gives a quick bark.

Rios bends down to pat her on the head as she licks his hand.

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