Page 26 of Embers in Our Past

“I know, Marissa. It’s not that I’m not open to adoption or surrogacy. It’s just that the fighting with Clay was far from who we were already, and we had just scratched the tip of the iceberg with IVF. Imagine if we had continued. I just couldn’t do it anymore with him. It was too much. We were great until we weren’t anymore.

“And I just had to let him go. We loved hard. But it just wasn’t working out anymore, and I had to walk away. I love him. I really do. But I love us enough to say he deserves better than what we were doing to each other.” I think it’s fair to say I love myself enough to know I wasn’t myself anymore either.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I put you through last night. I honestly had no idea Rios would pull that stunt. It came from a place of love from me. I hope you know that,” she says.

“I know, Marissa. I get that it came from a good place. And a part of me thinks Clay and I needed last night too. We needed to say goodbye. We needed one last time together. But it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to say goodbye. Because it’s still a part of my life I’ll always mourn,” I admit. It hurts to know I’ll wish things could have turned out differently. Someone will live a life with Clay that I wish I could have fulfilled for him.

Marissa and I say our goodbyes. Many might expect me to be upset at her for interjecting herself into my personal life like she did. But I don’t see her actions as malicious. I see her as someone who simply wanted to see me happy. She saw me sad and wanted to help fix my pain. I think I would have done the same if I were in her shoes.

I walk into my kitchen to refill my glass of water, feeling a little lighter, even though I should feel absolutely wrecked after what has transpired the last twenty-four hours. As I’m pouring more water, my phone chimes, and I expect to have some long text from Marissa. I’m surprised to see a text from Samara:

Sam

I just heard you’re back in Boston, and I had to hear it from River. WTH Abby. You could have reached out.

I wasn’t kidding when I said I cut contact with everyone when I left. I shared all my friends with Clay. We pretty much grew into adults together, and our friends were all connected. The only people I kept were Marissa and my brother, although I know Frankie speaks to Clay on a weekly basis. I miss Sam the most of all my girlfriends in the city.

Hey Sam. Yeah, I got back a little while ago. If it’s any consolation, I hadn’t told anyone. How are you?

Sam

You know these guys gossip worse than us. Plus, River may have lost fifty bucks to Ash. You know they had a bet going. Ash is over here gloating. Why didn’t you text me? I would love to see you, but now I’m on bed rest. Which means you have to take pity on me and come visit me.

That’s right. I saw her announcement on social media not long ago that she was expecting not just one baby but two. A boy and a girl. I acknowledged the announcement with a like and a comment but left it at that. I keep my time on social media minimal and don’t post content of my own anymore.

It’s always hard to see those sweet baby announcements. I used to long to be one of those people who got to make a post with an ultrasound photo saying Clay and I would be parents. I imagined what ours would look like. The sting those photos bring now is a hard pill to swallow.

It doesn’t mean I’m not happy for Sam and Ashton because I know what amazing parents they’ll be. It just takes time for me to get used to it. Now that I’m back in Boston and she has reached out, I can’t ignore her. And of course I’ll go see her. But hopefully, she’ll give me time. If she’s on bed rest, she’ll need to do just that—she can’t be bombarded by visitors while she should be caring for herself and growing those precious babies.

I was still getting situated. And I’m sorry you’re on bed rest. Congratulations again. Yes, once you’re settled and ready for visitors we can set something up. Rest up and I’ll see you at some point in the future.

Sam

Nonsense. You’ll be hearing from me because I’m already bored on bed rest. I’ll see you soon. Love ya and glad you came to your senses and came back to Boston. You’ve been missed, not just by Clay.

Thanks for reaching out. Rest up. I hope Ash is taking good care of you. Love ya lots and sorry for not reaching out when I got back.

Sam

You don’t have to apologize. I get it. But you’re my friend too, and I’ve missed you. You’re stuck with me, Abby. Don’t let what the boys have intimidate you into thinking we can’t still hang out.

Hearing Samara say that makes me tear up. I kept telling myself I didn’t need to keep the friends we shared, but knowing she wants me around makes me feel something I didn’t realize I longed for. I guess deep down, I need Samara and this friendship more than I actually acknowledged.

Thanks Sam. I appreciate you saying that. I missed you too. Rest up. We’ll catch up soon. Hugs to you and Ash (and those babies).

I put my phone down and feel a tug at my heart. Maybe all my worries were for nothing. Being back around Clay’s social circle could be better than I initially thought. Last night was probably just a little hiccup, and it will be smooth sailing from here.

CHAPTER 9

Clay

The poundingon the door wakes me from a deep sleep. I swear it feels like my eyes are lined with sandpaper when I blink them open. Why is someone waking me at this hour?

I turn to look at the clock and realize it’s nearly twelve o’clock. Fuck. I was supposed to be ready to eat lunch at my mom’s house.

The pounding begins again, this time accompanied by my brother’s voice on the other side of the door. We might share genetics, but he’s grating on my nerves today. I toss the sheets off me, not even bothering to throw a shirt on.

It’s been a few weeks since my night with Abby, and I still feel her presence in my apartment. I can’t shake the feeling of her all around me. My foul mood is an indication that I miss her even more now that I know she’s back in town.

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