Page 19 of Until I Break

“Why is Ryan here?”

“Because I told him what happened,” I say. Julian sighs heavily and goes to pull away, so I kiss him again. “If you keep trying to pull away, you will be the one needing a safe word.”

“I hear you,” he sighs. I notice he still has his hands on my waist, so I cover them with my hands, and he relaxes a bit.

“Do you love her, Julian?” Ryan asks.

“Yes,” Julian sighs, not looking up at him.

“Nope. What we aren’t going to do is that. Stand up. Both of you,” Ryan says, motioning for me to come over to him. Calder and I do, but Julian hesitates. “Now, Julian.”

“Bossy,” I laugh, and Ryan smiles at me.

“What?” Julian asks when he finally walks over to stand with us.

“Look at her, Julian. Eye contact,” Ryan says. Julian sighs butfinallymakes eye contact with me. I smile at him, and relief involuntarily sweeps over him. “Does she look scared of you? Upset? Hurt? Does she see you as a monster?”

“No,” Julian admits.

“Then I’ll ask again. Do you love her?”

“Yes,” Julian says with more confidence in his voice.

“Then say it. She is not fragile, nor is she broken. Tell her you love her,” Ryan pushes.

“I love you, Eliza… so much,” Julian says softly.

“I love you too, Juli,” I reply sweetly.

“Now… here is what I think should happen,” Ryan says. “She has only ever known abuse with BDSM. You are both teachers. So… teach her everything there is to know about beingyoursubmissive. She wants you, but she wants to separate what Troy did from BDSM. Theonlyway that is possible is if she sees what it’s actually about. If you want to do something for her, show her that BDSM, and even CNC, is not abusive. Show her that she can heal with you two and still submit.Thatis what she wants and needs.”

“Are you sure?” Calder asks me. “All of it?”

“Yes,” I say. “I want to learn, and I want you two. I don’t want to let Troy win.”

“Okay,” Calder says to me. “Julian?”

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” Julian says to me.

“You won’t,” I say softly.

“But what if I do?”

“Then just let me butt-fuck you and we can call it even,” I say with a shrug, making him laugh and shake his head. “I’m serious, Juli. I want to learn.”

“So, you could honestly get on your knees and not panic while I fuck your throat and teach you how to control your breathing and gag reflex?”

“I don’t have a gag reflex,” I say. “Troy made me throw up because he doesn’t know how to wash his dick, and he was intentionally trying to make me sick.”

“Prove it,” Julian says simply.

“How?” I laugh. “You can hardly look me in the eyes. How are you…”

“Ryan,” Julian says. “We trust him with you. We know he is very qualified to teach as well. Also, having someone not involved in what happened will help us see past our fear.”

“Also,” Calder says. “Having someone other than us would help you, too.”

“It sounds like you just want to see Ryan do dirty things to me,” I laugh. I glance over at Ryan, and he is smirking at me. “What?”

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