Page 40 of Before I Deserved You
“You can’t be serious right now!”
Jake’s low chuckle tickles the nape of my neck. Flexing his hips, he presses his hard length into my lower back. “Looks like at least one part of me is still in good working order,” he mumbles into my hair, making me giggle.
“You are something else, you know that? How can you even be horny right now? The least you could do is give your body a minute to recover.” When the expected smart-ass remark doesn’t come, I glance over my shoulder to findJake already fast asleep. Pushing a stray lock of inky black hair off his forehead, I snuggle deeper into his warmth. “I love you, you brave, beautiful soul,” I whisper before I close my eyes and allow myself to drift off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that, at least for the moment, the boy I love is safe and sound.
Jake recuperated from his injuries faster than anyone thought possible, and Mr. Nelson took everyone by surprise when he joined AA to get his drinking under control. He didn’t become a model citizen overnight, and he relapsed more than a few times, but he was making an effort, and that’s more than any of us ever expected. Seeing Jake’s extensive injuries had either shaken him enough to acknowledge his problem, or the existing threat of being exposed forced him to stay on the straight and narrow. Either way, it’s a blessing for everyone involved, and we all breathed easier when things remained calm in the weeks following the incident.
After a time, Jake even felt comfortable enough to leave his younger siblings in his father’s care, even though he made Jude promise to let him know the second he stepped out of line. For now, things seem stable at the Nelson household, and I know I should be over the moon about it. But as it turns out, the improvements to Jake’s life come at a cost to mine.
Confident his siblings are no longer in imminent danger, my boyfriend seems to take every opportunity to make up for lost time. The infamous river bashes haven’t stopped despite Sheriff Payton’s best efforts to shut them down for good. The organizers simply became more adept, changing locations regularly and only inviting those who could be trusted to keep their mouths shut. Jake hasn’t missed a single one and usually ends up black-out drunk by the end of the night. He began dabbling in a variety of drugs and instantly gets defensivewhenever one of us asks him to take it easy. According to him, he’s earned the right to let loose and doesn’t appreciate our meddling.
The thing is, none of us can argue with his logic. It’s hard to begrudge him his newfound freedom after everything he’s been through. But I just can’t help but worry about the changes in him. For reasons he doesn’t disclose, he stopped seeing his math tutor and recruited my help instead. Although we end up having sex more often than not during our tutoring sessions—because Jake is insatiable and I seem to have no willpower where he is concerned—he managed to improve his grades enough to get Mrs. Wood and his father off his back.
He goes to work every other afternoon and on the occasional Saturday but is otherwise free to do as he pleases as long as he keeps up with his commitments. At first, he only partied on weekends, and we were all willing to look the other way when he hit the bottle a little too hard or lit up his third joint of the day. But then the occasional weekend slowly turned into a daily habit, and soon enough, he wasn’t only doing it in social settings anymore but seemed to become quite reliant on it.
When Ted broke his clavicle and was prescribed oxycodone to help manage his pain, we caught them snorting the pills under the bleachers during football practice. Noticing Jake’s vacant gaze and listening to him make excuses made us realize we couldn’t ignore the severity of the situation any longer. But the more we try to reason with him, the more defensive he gets.
He’s slowly but surely pushing me and even Carter away, telling us he’s tired of people trying to control his every move. That he’s done trying to make everyone else happy, and it’s past time he lives his life how he sees fit. As much as I want Jake to have fun for a change, I have to admit I barely recognize the boy I fell in love with anymore.
This selfish, reckless version of him doesn’t care about anything but getting his rocks off. He refuses to listen to my concerns and seems to have no regard for his own safety, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m losing my best friend. I wasaccepted to the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication in Phoenix, Arizona, which means I’ll be leaving in a matter of months.
I want to spend as much quality time with my boyfriend as I possibly can, but he seems to have different ideas. Eventually, Carter gave up trying to talk sense into his best friend and simply resigned himself to chaperoning Jake wherever he goes to keep him out of trouble. These days, he only seems to hang out with me when he’s in need of a break from his exhausting lifestyle.
Fool that I am, I greedily eat up every morsel he throws my way, reveling in these rare and special moments. But soon enough, the next weekend comes around, marking the beginning of yet another vicious cycle we just can’t seem to break free of. I accompany him as often as I can, but each time I catch his jumpy gaze or notice his dilated pupils, my heart breaks a little more.
The physical abuse may have stopped, but it’s obvious Jake is still struggling and choosing to deal with his demons in unhealthy ways. Another recurring problem that is putting a severe strain on our relationship is Jessica Cartwright. Whenever I turn my back, there she is—chatting him up, touching him, and shoving her melon-sized boobs in his face. The drunker or higher Jake gets, the more he seems to entertain her flirtations, and every time I see them laughing together, I want to stomp my feet and scream.
When Jake is sober, he doesn’t give her the time of day. But when he’s under the influence of whatever drug is making the rounds that night, he seems to forget about his blatant dislike for her or my feelings on the matter.
I’ve tried explaining how much it hurts when he indulges her. It feels like a betrayal, given the way she’s treated me. I mean, we both know what her intentions are. But Jake just shrugs it off, dismissing my concerns and reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about. It’s like somewhere along the way, my wants and needs ceased to matter.
Watching the distance grow between us and being unable to do anything about it scares the hell out of me. My boyfriend is on a path of self-destruction, and I’m afraid my love for him isn’t enough to pull him back from the brink. Ona positive note, Carter and Megan seem happier than ever. Their relationship is rock-solid, and things are going well for the two of them, both on a personal as well as on an academic level. It warms my heart to see my two best friends so in love. They are living proof that life doesn’t have to be this hard. That relationships can, in fact, be effortless and fun. Watching them together gives me hope that Jake and I can find our way back to a better place ourselves. Until then, I’ll just have to content myself with the knowledge that at least some of us get to enjoy a problem-free existence.
Twenty-Seven
Tessa
Megan spills through the front door the second I pull it wide, hurling herself into my arms and almost knocking me off my feet as she clings to me with a surprising strength. She’s trembling, sobbing, and babbling something about how she’s never been a day late in her life.
My stomach takes a nosedive when the meaning behind her muffled words begins to sink in. I pull back and take her ice-cold hand in mine, leading the way over to the couch and urging her to sit. Then I wait for her to calm down enough to confirm my suspicions.
When she finally does, I immediately drag her to my dad’s store, where I force her to choose between the ungodly amount of flavors Ben & Jerry has to offer. She might’ve insisted she wasn’t hungry and couldn’t possibly keep anything down, but this is a crisis, and everyone knows a crisis calls for unhealthy amounts of ice cream.
Once the lucky winner safely rests at the bottom of our basket, Megan keeps a lookout while I commit my very first crime. Snatching a pregnancy test off the shelves and shoving it to the bottom of my purse in a lightning-fast move,we hastily pay for our icy treat, squirming under the watchful eye of my father, before hightailing it back home.
Listen, I’m no thief, and I feel tremendous guilt over my questionable actions. Stealing–from my own family, no less–is not something I’d typically condone. But Megan has been the most amazing friend to me over the years, and she deserves a chance to come to terms with whatever outcome might present itself without our overbearing parents breathing down her neck. I’d make it right with my dad once we have a better idea of what we’re dealing with.
“Did you pee on it?” I ask when Megan emerges from my ensuite bathroom, looking a little green around the gills.
“I can’t believe you’re even asking me this?” she moans, throwing me a concerned look while we wait for an inanimate object the size of a popsicle stick to determine my friend’s future. Worry gnaws a hole into my stomach lining, and the metallic taste of blood explodes on my tongue, letting me know I’ve chewed my poor lip raw. And to think I was jealous of Megan’s near-perfect life only a few short days ago. You just never know what kind of surprises might be waiting for you just around the corner.
Megan throws herself facedown across my bed in a theatrical display and releases a tortured groan before she lifts her head off the mattress just high enough to hit me with the full force of her pleading gaze.
“Please tell me everything’s going to be okay. Oh my God,” she wails, eyes popping wide. “What am I going to do if this thing comes back positive? I can’t have a fricking baby, Tess. I’m still a baby myself.”
“I know you’re freaking out right now, but—”
“Freaking out?” she squeals, pushing herself off the bed and into a standing position in a move Bruce Lee would’ve been impressed by. “I’d freak out over a bad grade on a math test, given we’re this close to graduation.” Pinching the air between her thumb and index finger, she begins pacing the length of the room. “I’d freak out over a pimple popping up in the middle of my forehead the day Carter wants to take me out on a date. Someone buying up the last cupcake atCarla’s when I’m about to start my period might be worthy of a freak-out because we all know I need that sugar boost. I mean, how dare that arrogant prick in his fancy monkey suit deprive me of the one thing that has the power to make or break my day just because he’s had a challenging morning at the office? This?” she screeches, waving a hand in the direction of the bathroom where the little stick of doom is currently marinating away from prying eyes. “This is so not a freak-out moment. This is a full-on panic-inducing-breathe-into-a-paper bag type of situation, and I shit you not, I feel like I might pass out.”
