Page 55 of Undone

“It went really well,” I answered, purposely making them wait.

“And?” Shannon asked.

I joined them on the porch. “And…I got accepted.”

Shannon leaped out of the rocker and punched the air in a victory pose. “Yes, yes, yes, yes! I knew you would!”

“Thank you.” I bobbed my head and smiled despite the stone in the pit of my stomach.

“Hold that thought!” Shannon exclaimed as she dashed into the house. “I’ll be right back.”

Josh walked over to me without a word and folded me into a hug. I refused to relax into it, giving him a few polite pats on the back, then quickly moving away from him. I couldn’t miss the confused and hurt expression on his face, but I needed the space, no matter how it made him feel. Otherwise, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold myself together.

“Congrats, Zo,” he managed. “Proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders, bracing myself for the conversation we had to have. After the debacle of the past twenty-four hours, we needed to get things out in the open. An honest conversation about expectations and what the future might hold for us now that I had an idea of what mine looked like.

Shannon barreled out of the house clutching a bottle of champagne and three glasses.

“I planned ahead and bought the good stuff,” she said, holding up the bottle of Veuve Clicquot. “Would you do the honors, Josh?”

He nodded and took the bottle, then walked to the edge of the porch. Nothing about his posture suggested he was in a celebratory mood, and I refused to feel bad about that.

“Let’s sit down.” Shannon seemed oblivious to the tension swirling around us. “Give us the details! How many people were on the panel?”

I purposely chose the rocker at the end next to Shannon so I wouldn’t have to sit next to Josh.

“It was two women and two men, and everyone was shockingly nice,” I answered, taking an overfull glass of champagne from Josh. “I wasexpecting it to feel like an interrogation, but it wasn’t even close to that.”

“What a relief,” Shannon said. “Did they ask you the questions you practiced?”

“They didn’t, believe it or not.”

“Not even how you like to unwind?”

I laughed at Shannon’s question. “Well, actually… that did come up.”

“Yes!” Shannon fist pumped the air. “I knew it.”

I smiled at her antics and sipped the champagne. “The whole thing was more like a casual conversation than an interview. We mostly talked. About what we loved about our industry, what needs to change, and how I would use what I learned in the program to serve the greater good. The whole experience gave me a really positive feeling about the school and the program.”

“That’s amazing, Zo,” Shannon enthused. “The continuing ed for my breeding program was so freaking cutthroat, even the teachers felt like they were in competition with us. It was a horrible experience. I’m happy that you didn’t get that vibe.”

I shook my head. “Not at all. Quite the opposite. For the first time in ages, I felt like I was among my people.”

“Hey!” Shannon said in a fake injured voice. “I thoughtwewere your people.”

I laughed and flicked a glance at Josh, but his back was still to me. “Of course. You will always bemypeople. But it’s different with those in the industry who think like me. I’m wired different from most folks.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Shannon scoffed. “You and Josh seem pretty in sync.”

We were—some of the time. But then other times, it felt like we were a million miles apart. Mostly, though, it just seemed like there wasn’t room for me in his life. From what I could see, there wasn’t room for anything other than the ranch. I knew how much it mattered to him, but I couldn’t bear the prospect of always coming in second, of never knowing when Josh’s promises to me would be discarded because the ranch took priority. The silence stretched out long and awkwardly. “Anyway,” Shannon finally said. “Back to the interview. What’s next?”

I gazed out at the pristine expanse that stretched to the mountains in the distance. “It’s a go on their end, so all I’ll have to do is say yes.”

“Amazing. I knew you could do it.” She slapped Josh’s leg. “Isn’t that right, Josh?”

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