Page 56 of Undone

He cleared his throat. “Yup. Zoe is a go-getter, that’s for sure.”

“You gonna miss all of this?” Shannon asked, gesturing to the vista in front of us.

My heart seized at the enormity of what leaving meant.

“Yes, of course,” I answered in a quiet voice.

Another silence settled over us, and I could feel Shannon’s gaze jumping between me and Josh.

“Okay, this celebration feels weird with me in the middle of it. I’m going to leave you two to smooch it out or whatever it is you do when I’m not around.”

Shannon hopped out of her chair, poured herself another glass of champagne, and disappeared into the house.

“Are you still mad at me?” Josh finally asked once she was gone. “Because it seems like you are.”

I shook my head, still staring across the landscape. “No, I was never mad. Disappointed? Yes, of course. I was looking forward to you being there for me. I was counting on you, to be honest. I wanted to be able to lean on you. But I realized that with the life you lead, that’s not always going to be possible. If ever.”

“What does that mean?” he demanded, leaning over to face me. “What are you saying?”

I let out a long sigh.

“Josh, when I said I wanted to give long distance a try with you, I meant it. I’ve been happier with you than I’ve been in ages.” I took a deep breath to steady myself for what had to come next. “But the reality is that your life is the ranch. It willalwayscome first. That was made abundantly clear to me yesterday.”

“Oh, come on, Zo,” he scoffed. “It was an emergency situation. You know my hands were tied and the ride was a big deal.” He paused. “It went great, by the way. Could bring in a lot of future business both from them and anyone they recommend us to. Surely you can see how important that is? It’s not like I blew you off so I could go drinking with my buddies or something.”

“What buddies?” I asked. “When do you ever hang out with friends? As far as I know, you’ve been to a bar all of once in the past month, and that was to have an informal interview with Eli.”

“What about the dinners we went to: Charlie’s Pride and the Bite and Brew?”

“Those were fun and I had a great time, but you weren’t the one to suggest it and both times, you seemed reluctant to go even though you ended up having a good time.” I rubbed at the ache in my chest, wishing I could sooth the pain that’d been building for a while.

“Josh, you are all about the ranch all the time. And where does that leave room for me? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past twenty-four hours and I realized I need things that I don’t think you can provide.”

“Like what?” he demanded.

“Like dependability. Making good on promises. Being there for me in times of need.” I paused. “The truth is, you’re already in a committed, long-term relationship, and her name is Lost Valley Ranch. There’s no room for me.”

“What?” Josh’s breath came in short bursts, like an angry bull about to charge. “Do you have any idea how much pressure I’m under?” he asked in a low voice. “This ranch has been in my family for generations, and everything is hanging in the balance right now. Costs are up and the competition is fierce. I’m running the ranch on razor-thin margins, you have to know that. I can barely sleep at night when I think about how much responsibility is on my shoulders. I have to live up to what my parents expected of me. Not to mention, I’ve got people depending on me for their income. Lost Valley Ranch is the reason they can pay their rent and feed their families. Then there’s Shannon and Fiona. Can you understand why I’m constantly stressed out?”

“Yes, Josh, of course. I saw firsthand how lean things were when I first got here, but it’s turning around now with the trail rides, and you did get that bank loan that you haven’t even touched. Which means if you wanted to, you could eventually ease back and get more support. Delegate, like Shannon is always saying.”

He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know that things are going to keep trending the way they are now. It’s impossible to predict. Sure, it’s heading in the right direction, but until I have at least one solid season along with consistent bookings, it’s a wager I’m not willing tomake. And even if the trail rides take off as expected, I’m still going to be pulled in a million directions. That’s the nature of this life.”

I scoffed. “No, that’s the nature of you. From what I’ve seen and what Shannon has shared, your foreman, Dustin, is capable of taking more of the workload, but you want your fingers in everything.”

“Can you blame me?” he shot back. “My name is on the sign out front!”

“You’re right, it is, but that doesn’t mean you have todoeverything yourself.”

He shook his head and mumbled something I couldn’t hear. I knew I’d hit a sore spot with Josh, but I wasn’t going to take it back. I wished I knew how to get him to see that what he was doing wasn’t healthy and wouldn’t be sustainable long-term. He’d burn out—or worse, injure himself or someone else because he was running on fumes.

We each rocked in silence, watching the landscape shift into darkness.

“So, what you’re telling me is that Lost Valley Ranch will always come first, even once the finances are steady?” I finally asked with my heart in my throat.

“Zo…” Josh let out a long, pained sigh. “It has to. There’s too much at stake for me, my sisters, everyone who works here, all the horses.”

Not once did he mentionme. Tears sprang to my eyes. I was thankful for the cover of darkness to hide them, but I couldn’t camouflage the sniffling. I took a few minutes to compose myself, so I wouldn’t be a mess when I said what had to come next.

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