Page 41 of The Marriage Policy

“Yeah, well, he’s only human, and sometimes it’s hard to get past some of those stress points that get into our heads. It’s not always possible to change years of thinking after one conversation.”

Good point. And really, that’s so fucking Donovan that I’m annoyed at myself for not having thought about it first. But then, I’d been all up in my feels because I thought he was turning me away before I even got to tell him my news. “True.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to be honest with you a moment. Don’t you think it’s interesting that you’ve never had a second thought about being naked with Donovan?”

I frown. “Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s attracted to every man he sees.”

“It’s sweet that you’re defending him, but that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying, maybe you should explore why this is something that’s come up, why you’re suddenly getting erections in front of him and thinking about him when you’re jerking off.”

That’s exactly what I’m trying to do—explore my bisexuality with Donovan. And the why of it, well… “Things are just different right now. We’re living together. I’m clearly just figuring out men can do it for me. And also, I’m in a dry spell.” I pump my brows, and she laughs. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex with someone else while I’m married to Donovan, though, and now that I know I’m into guys too, I can’t pretend I’m not curious about that. I trust Donovan, so I’m thinking that’s why this is all coming out now. We created the perfect storm for…testing the waters, but unfortunately, I’m fairly certain he’s not going to want to do that with me.”

“I believe you might have more of a chance than you think.” Ana winks. “Talk to him. You two are lucky you have such a close relationship that you can do that. And just…see where things go.”

I nod, knowing she’s right. Even without her having said it, I would have come to the conclusion that I just need to tell Donovan how I feel. It might not always be instantaneous, but we always get there. “Thanks, Ana. It’s nice…talking to you.”

She reaches over and gives me a hug. “It’s nice talking to you too. Now do I get a chance to whine about being in love with my ex?”

I grin. “Abso-fucking-lutely. Want me to talk to him?”

“No, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

Ana pulls out of the lot, and we get back to her errands.

*

As soon asI walk in the door at home, I say, “I need to talk to you,” only I’m not the only one speaking. At the same time, Donovan says, “Did I do something wrong?”

“What? God no. Why would you think that?” I sit down next to him on the couch. He’s knitting, which means he’s stressing or needs to shut off his mind.

“You left.”

“You literally said I should go call Ana.”

“Okay, solid point. But you were being different this morning even before I said that.” His gaze is tilted toward his lap and the blanket he’s making. “I was worried you’ve been thinking about the other night and regretting it.”

I sigh. “For two people who are so close, we haven’t been doing a good job talking lately.”

“In our defense, twenty-four hours seems to be the longest we go. It’s not like we’re over here, miscommunicating for days. We’re just…delayed lately.”

I smile because that totally works. “And at least we’re delayed together.”

“We’re always everything together.” He turns sideways on the couch and looks at me. “I said that weird orgy thing because I don’t want you to feel any obligation to me. I don’t regret the marriage. It makes me breathe easier knowing you’re more secure. It’s shitty that it’s the world we live in, but it is. And the more I think about it, the guiltier I feel. Like I put you in this terrible situation—”

“That I agreed to,” I cut him off. “I said yes because I wanted to. I like that you want to take care of me that way. It makes me feel good, D. No one’s ever loved me like you.” It’s true, even though it’s not romantic love we’re talking about.

His face twists up slightly, in a confused way, but just seconds later, the scrunched-up expression slides away. “No one has ever loved me like you either.”

“Seriously. Best husbands ever.” I wink, and he rolls his eyes.

“We seem to be doing the runaround lately, both of us suddenly insecure and needing reassurance.”

I nod. “Let’s promise to try and not do that anymore. Things have been all over the place lately.”

“I agree. Do you want to tell me why you seemed so uncomfortable when I got home? Something was going on. The cinnamon roll is still on the counter, babe. That’s not you.”

No, no it’s not. “Actually…I kinda want that now.”

He chuckles, gets up, and brings it to me along with a paper towel. I tear off a bite, pop it into my mouth, and moan at the deliciousness.

---