Page 102 of Curvy Girl Summer

“Give it up, girl!” Nina laughed lightly. “I commend you. You tried not to like him, because you thought he was someone else’s husband. But you are not about to sit on this phone and deny you have feelings for him. I saw the two of you looking at each other with hearts in your eyes. It was sickening, to be honest.”

It took me a full thirty seconds to find my words. “You’re right. Maybe I did have a little crush on him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he lied.”

“Did he come out and tell you a lie? Or did he let you believe a lie?”

“As my friend, he shouldn’t have let me believe a lie,” I argued, feeling my case becoming increasingly shaky.

“Was it a lie that he told or a lie you assumed to be true?”

I balled my face into a frown and remained quiet. Nina was cutting a little too close, and I wasn’t ready.

“Exactly,” she stated. “Because if I’m remembering correctly, he never told you he was married. You saw his ring and you overheard him telling someone about his wife. But he never looked you in your face and told you specifically that he was married.”

Groaning, I rolled onto my side. “Okay, this conversation is over.”

“This conversation might be over, but the conversation you need to have with yourself needs to start. And here’s what I want you to think about… you assumed he was married, and he let you run with that assumption. I get why you’d feel a way—so again, that’s valid. But are you really mad at him because of that? Because Idon’t think that’s it at all. I think you’re mad at him because of your feelings for him.”

My chest hurt as my card was pulled. In that way that only a best friend could, Nina cut to the chase and forced me to look at my situation differently.

And I wasn’t ready for that.

“No, it’s just—”

“No,” she interrupted me again. “I’ll make it easier for you. Just answer this question. Do you have feelings for him?”

My heart thumped as I heard the question I’d been avoiding in my mind for days. “Nina.”

“Yes or no?”

I made a face. “Whose side are you on?”

“The side of truth. Yes or no?”

“Nina.”

“Do you have feelings for him? Yes. Or. No.”

“Yes,” I answered through gritted teeth.

“So, now that you’ve gotten to the root of the problem, what’s the solution? Because—and I’m going to be real with you—there’s something between you and Ahmad. I’ve heard it in your voice the last few weeks, and I saw it firsthand at the concert. You denied it because you thought he was married, and now that you know he’s not, you’re not even going to talk to him about it?”

I felt a burning sensation coat my throat. Tears pricked my eyes as I held in my emotion. The silence between us grew.

She waited for my answer, and I choked on my truth.

I was mad that he wasn’t honest and forthcoming with me. But the real reason I was in my feelings was because of what it meant. If he were interested in me, he wouldn’t have continued with the charade of being married. If he were attracted to me, he would’ve made a move by now. So, I felt a way because of the feelings I developed for him. But more than that, I felt a way because of the feelings he obviously didn’t have for me.

I wasn’t ready to admit any of that out loud.

“But hey, what do I know?” Nina conceded after my extended silence. “Sometimes my real talk can be a little too real, so I’mgoing to give you a chance to digest it. But know that I love you and I want what’s best for you. And you’re not going to get what’s best for you if you’re not honest about what’s for you. And, Liyah, let me tell you… living your life for others isn’t what’s for you. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone about anything. Okay?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, swiping the tears that fell from my lashes. “Love you, too, Nina.”

“Think about what I said and call me tomorrow.”

We said our goodbyes, and I buried my face in my pillow to stop the tears that wanted to flow freely. I kept hearing Nina’s question over and over again. And it wasn’t that I didn’t have an answer to her question. I had one. I’d just been avoiding it for the last few days.

A man not being interested in me didn’t make me feel insecure. It didn’t make me feel bad about myself. It didn’t hurt my ego. It didn’t hurt my feelings.

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