Page 32 of Turret

Despite my repeated attempts to catch his eye, he stared rigidly ahead, jaw tight, body stiff, not even warranting me a single glance. He was so adamant in ignoring me I was beginning to doubt he’d look over even if I found myself in distress, considering how faithfully he ignored my current one now.

It was as if our sweet confessions the week before hadn’t even happened, for what good were declarations of love if he refused to act on them? Though I knew he only intended to protect me, his refusal brought me pain by denying me the life I most wanted. I’d never imagined my fiercest advocate would hurt me so deeply.

My heartache swelled, stoking my desperation. I took a wavering breath. “Quinn?” I spoke his name tentatively, not expecting him to respond.

He didn’t immediately answer, knowing by now I truly didn’t truly need anything, for I’d been calling his name all week simply to draw his gaze towards me. I waited for an impatient moment, but when he continued to refuse to spare me even the briefest glance, my annoyance swelled.

I slammed my embroidery down. “Quinn.” My voice was more firm.

His stoic expression faltered slightly but hestilldidn’t look over…though his head slightly tilted in my direction, enough that I caught a brief look of his internal battle before he tucked the emotion behind his usual stoic mask. This glimpse was enough to lend me courage.

“I never would have imagined my dearest friend would treat me so poorly.”

My rising emotions caused my words to come out sharper than I intended, causing him to flinch. He hesitated an agonizing moment more before hefinallyglanced towards me, his expression rigid; only the agony swirling in his eyes betrayed what he was truly feeling—this was just as difficult for him as it was for me.

“It isn’t my intention to hurt you, Gemma.” I relished the sound of his voice; they were the first words he’d spoken to me all day.

Though deep down I knew Quinn would never purposefully cause me pain, it didn’t change the fact that his denying me did just that, reminding me that the future I desperately wanted remained out of reach. “You’re taking your position as my guard several steps too far, protecting me from something I have no need to be guarded from.”

His shoulders slumped with a sigh, as if the burden he carried had suddenly become too heavy. “I don’t deny it, nor do I doubt your desires are sincere. But I fear you’re being swayed by emotion when I’ve had years to consider our dilemma logically. As much as I want otherwise…this is the way it must be.”

My hurt increased…as did my desperation. “But must you continue to ignore me?”

“I’m guarding you as devotedly as ever, but I’m afraid I cannot give you anything more.” And he turned away, signaling the end of this trying conversation.

I tried to fight my tears, but they came anyway. My emotions were rising. I frantically attempted to gather my faltering composure but I felt it slipping through my fingers beyond my control. I hastily stood, steadying myself on the wall as the world swayed. I hadn’t had as many dizzy spells lately and was discouraged by the relapse.

Quinn was paying closer attention than I’d assumed, for my dizzy spell caused him to swivel around to face me. His eyes widened and he hastened several steps towards me before stopping midway. “Princess?” he asked hesitantly.

His reverting back to my title instead of my name only increased the emotion threatening to overpower me. “I want to return to my room.”

When I was certain I was steady on my feet, I brushed past him into the corridor. He followed close behind and eventually walked rigidly at my side to peer worriedly into my expression, his hands hovering near me as if he debated whether to let me walk on my own or offer his support.

“Are you well?” He brushed his fingers against my brow checking for a fever, but I hadn’t had one in nearly a week, though I wasn’t sure whether that was the elixir’s doing or pure coincidence.

I’d almost rather have a fever than what was truly ailing me. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “No, Quinn, I’m not.”

He seemed to sense the true reason for my distress had little to do with my health. I caught a glimpse of his regretful expression before I hastily looked away, staring rigidly ahead for the remainder of the journey to my room, which I entered without a word before closing the door on him. Even though I could no longer see him, I sensed him just beyond the door, not just to guard me but because his concern wouldn’t allow him to be anywhere else.

I leaned my back against the door, weary from the brisk walk and my raging emotions. I could feel Quinn’s presence on the other side, the closest we’d been in days…and likely the closest we’d ever be when the closed door represented the obstacles Quinn had allowed to come between us, ones he refused to overcome.

I slid down to settle on the floor and pulled my legs to my chest to rest my forehead on my knees. Even after my tears had passed I remained in this position, paralyzed by the all-encompassing sorrow and sense of helplessness shrouding me, unwelcome yet familiar considering its frequent presence throughout my life. Would I ever free myself from it?

I wasn’t sure how long I sat in this uncomfortable position before I sensed something I hadn’t in a long time—the tower’s magic. I felt it in the stones, a prickly feeling that used to be quite frequent before the tower’s enchantment had begun to fade. I rested my hand on the floor, expecting it to be cold to the touch, but it was warm. I spread my hand to rest my palm against the stones and the tower’s power tingled my skin.

I glanced around the room for any other sign that my old friend had returned…but there was nothing. “Tower?” I asked hesitantly.

At my inquiry, the stone warmed in response. At leastitwasn’t ignoring me. This knowledge compelled me to express the despair encasing my heart.

“I don’t know what to do.” I kept my voice lowered to a whisper so I wouldn’t risk Quinn overhearing me through the door; by the heat pulsing from the stones against my touch, I knew the tower was listening. “I love Quinn, and he’s told me he loves me…yet he refuses to allow us to be together. Despite his…affliction, I still want to be with him, yet I have no idea how to reassure him of the sincerity of my desires. I feel so lost. Please help me.”

Unlike the enchanted garden back at the Malvagarian palace, the tower didn’t answer in words. Rather, it responded through impressions, thoughts, and images, as it always had whenever sharing the memories in the hall of mirrors. The impressions were subtle at first before they filled my mind with an image so clear it was as if I were recalling a memory.

The image was of Quinn and me sitting together on the turret roof, our hands laced together and my head on his shoulder. Accompanying the vision was an idea that blossomed so naturally within me I’d have believed I’d come up with it myself if I hadn’t been certain it’d come from the tower.

The best way to persuade Quinn was to give him a glimpse of how beautiful a future together would be. If he could experience a portion of that joy, perhaps he’d then be willing to fight for it—allowmeto fight for it—no matter the cost.

Renewed with purpose, I stood and faced the door…only to pause with my hand on the handle, my brow puckered. “The top of the turret?” I asked in a whisper, unsure whether that was really the tower’s intended destination or simply a romanticized suggestion.

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