Page 26 of Don't You Dare Marry Me

Elia hummed, and Abagail knew instantly that Elia didn’t believe her. None of this had started until Kam had shown up on the scene, but Kam was the catalyst for all of this. Still, Abagail’s frustration and feelings weren’t centered on Kam herself, more the space that Elia willingly let her occupy.

“How long?” Elia asked, her voice carrying through the room. Her pale blue eyes locked on Abagail’s, and as much as Abagail would like to avoid that question, she knew she couldn’t.

In order to fix all of this she had to do the one thing that she hadn’t done in decades. She had to be honest—not only with herself, but with Elia. And everything needed to be out in the open for them to navigate the steps that would come next.

“Since we graduated college.”

“Abagail.” Elia sighed heavily, shock registering in her eyes as she set her own coffee down and shook her head. “Really?”

Abagail nodded. “I didn’t understand it until Yara, and watching you go through the pain of that breakup and the painof all the drama afterward. I was there for you every step of the way, but you weren’t ready for a relationship then.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Elia agreed and shook her head. “I wasn’t ready for a relationship of those levels until recently.”

Abagail bit the inside of her cheek. She was fairly certain that had far more to do with Kam than anything else. Elia never would have been ready for another deep and trusting relationship if she wasn’t pushed into it. And as pushy as Abagail was, when it came to relationships, she often took the backseat to whatever her lover wanted. That was something that Elia wouldn’t ever understand.

Her heart thrummed along with the nerves in her body. Abagail glanced toward the door to the room, thinking for a brief moment that she caught sight of Nicola walking past, but she hadn’t. She was seeing things now. Shaking that image out of her mind, the one of Nicola flouncing around in that miniskirt and white tank top with her nipple clamps on, Abagail determined herself to focus on Elia, and this problem that she maybe had a hope of resolving.

“If I wanted to attempt a relationship with you, I should have tried years ago.” Abagail traced the pattern on the arm of the chair with one finger, focusing on it instead of looking at Elia. “It was wrong of me to attempt now.”

Elia hummed again, agreement this time. “It was.”

“I’m sorry for that.” Abagail’s shoulders hurt from just how tense they were. She hated that it felt like this to be around her best friend. She just wanted to feel like they had last year, when they could laugh together and enjoy each other’s company. When Elia came to her with secrets and frustrations and in need of encouragement.

Would they ever get back to that?

Abagail’s cynicism wanted to tell her no.

But Elia made her want to believe that, yes, they could get back to where they’d once been as friends.

“Should we start with Thanksgiving?” Abagail asked, smoothing her hands over her thighs and really wishing that Nicola was there to propel this conversation into a different direction entirely.

“Sure.” Elia sipped her coffee again. The tension lines were riding in her face, and Abagail knew she’d done more damage than she’d intended. But it was done. And now all she had to do was not repeat stupid mistakes and actually take the time to make up for where she’d fallen down.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Abagail’s stomach churned. She’d thought that it would make Elia see what it was like, that there was potential between them. “I thought it would show you how much I love you.”

“I know you love me,” Elia said flatly. “We’re best friends.”

The present tense flared that hope in Abagail’s chest again. She really needed to stop doing that if this was never actually going to happen. If Elia was going to leave her just like everyone else did. Abagail cringed. That was the problem right there, wasn’t it?

“I think I mixed up deep love and adoration for who you are and our relationship with love.”

“That’s unlike you.” Elia’s lips pressed together again, lines forming around the edges of her mouth. “You’re not someone who makes deep commitments.”

“You’re not right about that.” Abagail lifted her chin a little higher and locked her eyes on Elia. “I only make deep commitments to people who are worthy of it. Like you.”

Elia nodded slightly. “I stand corrected.”

The tension in the room was intense, and it was fraught with anxiety and pain that neither one of them were willing toacknowledge. Stick two people in a room who avoid and this is what you get. Abagail sighed heavily, relaxing her entire body.

“I make it no secret that I’m an ass, Elia. I’ve told you that for years.”

“Yes, but you’ve never been an ass to me…before.” Elia chuckled lightly.

“Right, but I was, many times in the last six months or so.” Abagail rubbed her hands together nervously. “And I’m sorry for that. You’re my only friend, and I don’t want to lose you because I’m the problem and an asshole.”

Elia hummed in that way she often did when she was serious and shook her head slowly. “I wouldn’t be here if I wanted to lose you.”

The tension snapped. Abagail’s eyes watered and she blinked hard to try and prevent them from falling down her cheeks in full blown tears. Why hadn’t she thought of that? Elia never did anything that wasn’t purposeful, and she’d bided her time trying to wait and figure out where Abagail stood before calling her and insisting on this meeting.

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