Page 37 of Seas the Dating Coach

“Who?” Her forehead creases before she actively smoothes it out—almost as if remembering that facial expressions cause wrinkles. “I’m talking about the new library manager.”

Oh. I didn’t know Finn ran.

I must have put too many red pepper flakes in tonight’s pasta aglio e oilio because a flare of heartburn surges in my chest. I rub at my sternum, but the stubborn sensation persists.

“Finn.” Why does his name taste like sawdust?

Amanda lights up. “Yes. What can you tell me about him?”

“He…uh…” I pause as my brain spirals.

Amanda is exactly the type of woman Finn should be with—gorgeous, confident, athletic. She doesn’t even sweat like normal humans. She gets this preternatural glow after running. Meanwhile, I end up with goggle impressions around my eyes and streaks of red on my shoulders from where I misapplied sunscreen after my open-water swims.

The spiral continues, unrelenting. Amanda is wearing bike shorts too, but she doesn’t need them under everything to evade chub rub. Her elastic waistband doesn’t accentuate existing rolls since there isn’t an inch of squish on her. They effortlessly pair with her sports-bra-as-a-shirt and her ultra-sleek ponytail.

Mentally, I pinch myself.

I shouldn’t compare myself to Amanda.

“Everyone is given exactly what they need.”My eyes close as Aunt Tammy’s words reverberate through my brain.

And besides, it’s not like we want the same man.

Before I can stop myself, the memory of Finn’s kiss slips over my vision. The tender way his fingers grazed up my arms. The approving hum each time I mimicked the delicate actions of his tongue. The way his eyes looked almost black, staring at my fingertips as they rested on his chest.

“He’s…” I pause to collect myself, opening the freezer door again and dropping The Tonight Dough into my hand basket. “He’s great. Really outgoing. Very passionate about the library.”

Inexplicably handsome.

Not helpful, brain!

“He, uh…he’s a...”

An incredible kisser.

STOP THAT!

“He smells amazing, if you like books.”

Amanda’s serene expression wavers with that last description, and my cheeks blaze as I push past her toward the register. “You should stop by the library and talk to him.”

“I will.” She gets in line behind me, unloading nothing but carrots and celery, but blessedly leaves me alone as I quickly check out with Cliff.

When I return from the market, Brynn is locked into her room—either avoiding me or already asleep. Since it’s only eight, I assume the former. I put away her pint of ice cream with a heavy sigh. My eyes fixate on the condensating lid of The Tonight Dough before adding it to the freezer. The only emotion I can’t eat through is sadness. Sugar helps quell nervousness, boredom, irritation, but sorrow hollows out my stomach every time.

Suddenly, I miss Aunt Tammy with a fierceness that shortens my next inhale. No one deserves to be living her best life more than our aunt, but I miss her not being a short walk away. When she transferred the business over to Brynn, Tammy moved in with her long-term boyfriend. The two of them were married last fall and are still enjoying their global honeymoon, currently sailing off the coast of Spain.

A deflated sensation zaps what was left of my energy. Collapsing on the couch, I tap my phone against my thigh and think about Finn. I shouldn’t. I should only be thinking about Atticus, but thoughts of Finn’s lips, the soft noise he makes in his throat, and the scratch of his beard scruff have haunted me all day. I wonder what kind of day he had. What did he eat for lunch? Things I have no right to know.

Thereisone thing I can ask him, though.

Vivian

When should I expect Atticus to text me?

Finn doesn’t respond immediately. He’s probably at The Garage Gym for his evening workout.

Loneliness sweeps from my collarbones to the tips of my unpainted toes. I curl beneath the pink couch throw, clicking on the TV. I’m usually alone, but I don’t feel lonely. Tonight, the sensation is disintegrating my bones.

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