Page 37 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

I don’t think she’d believe that, though. Mrs Proctor isn’t stupid.

I’ll probably just go along anyway and ignore the knobhead.

Rosie

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I spotted Ellie immediately I arrived in Sunnybrook. And very quickly after that, as I scanned the area for a parking space, the plaintive cries of baby Isla reached me.

My heart plummeted, aware of what a distressed Ellie must be feeling.

I remembered that sound so clearly and the despair it induced in me at the time. The constant crying meant I was a bad mother because I couldn’t comfort my own daughter or work out what she needed. I was wrong, of course. But that’s what I’d believed at the time and no one – not even Mark – could convince me otherwise.

I parked alongside the village green and crossed over the road to the bench, where Ellie was desperately trying to soothe Isla, holding her against her shoulder and gently rubbing her back. But the baby still cried and Ellie looked distraught.

Her smart pale blue trouser suit looked rather out of place, as if she was on her way to a wedding. Although when I got closer, I could see that she seemed to be wearing a pyjama top – pink with black stars on it – underneath the jacket.

‘Hi!’ Breathless, I sat down on the bench, turning to face her. ‘I came as soon as I could. Are you okay?’

The look she gave me was so full of despair, I felt tears of sympathetic recognition springing to my eyes. ‘It’s so hard at times, isn’t it?’ I murmured, giving her knee a gentle squeeze. ‘When they cry and you have absolutely no idea why.’

She nodded. ‘I’ve done everything I can think of. I was up five times during the night to her and she’s been crying almost non-stop since she woke at nine. In the end I thought I’d bring her out in the pram because then maybe she’d fall asleep. So I drove over here, but I forgot to bring the changing gear andthe expressed milk from the fridge. I just didn’t think.’ She was jiggling Isla rather desperately now. ‘And I’ll have to go back to the house now because I think she might need her nappy changed. And oh, Rosie, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

‘Hey, there’s nothing at all to be sorry about.’

‘I just suddenly remembered how hard you said you’d found it after Amelie was born, that day I brought Isla to the café, and I called you without thinking. I didn’t even ask if you were busy when I phoned.’

‘Well, I wasn’t busy, okay? And I’m really glad you called me. When you’re a new mother it can seem horribly bewildering at first because you feel a bit helpless. But the thing to realise is that almost all new mums feel that way so you’re definitely not alone.’ Gently, I took Isla from her, lifted the baby up and smiled at her. Then I bounced her gently on my knee, and suddenly, the crying stopped.

‘See?’ Far from being relieved, Ellie looked even more desperate. ‘Youknow what to do for her. Look, she’s stopped crying already.’

‘I can assure you it was just pure luck,’ I told her with a smile, feeling ridiculously guilty at the same time. ‘Passing her to me was probably what broke the cycle.’

As if she knew what I was saying, Isla’s little face crumpled and she started wailing again.

‘There, you see. You’re not the only one who doesn’t have the magic touch.’ I glanced at the pram. ‘How about we pop her in the pram and rock her and maybe wheel her up and down a bit? She might be tired. You never know, she might drop off.’

Ellie looked unconvinced and too fatigued to even get up from the bench.

‘Come on. It’s worth a try,’ I murmured encouragingly. ‘We’ll get you both home and then you can have a nice rest while I see to Isla. How about that?’

She nodded, looking at me tearfully and allowing me to take control.

And thankfully, by the time we arrived at Ellie’s car, after a little promenade up and down the high street, an exhausted Isla – her little arms stretched up by her head in true baby pose – had fallen fast asleep in the pram.

As we carefully transferred her to the back seat of Ellie’s car, she didn’t stir.

I told Ellie I’d follow her back to Bogg House, although when she got back behind the wheel, I had a moment’s hesitation wondering if I should do the driving. But she seemed calmer now. And in fact, when I gave her a cheery thumbs up through the window, she smiled for the first time since I got there.

It seemed like the genuinely grateful smile of someone so relieved to have been rescued – and my heart clenched, wondering what Ellie had been going through these past few months, trying to pretend that everything was all right and she was in control, when underneath she’d been panicking, thinking she was making a total pig’s ear of being a new mother.

I’d felt all those emotions myself.

Why on earth hadn’t I thought to peer beneath the façade? Then I might have realised that beneath the brave show, Ellie really wasn’t coping and needed help?

*****

Back at Bogg House, I took control again to take the pressure off Ellie, taking little Isla inside and laying her in her Moses basket in the nursery.

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