Page 45 of Draft Pick

"I'm serious, guys," I said, my gaze meeting each of theirs. "This is important to me. I can't just walk away from my responsibilities. And if there's any chance at salvaging things with Starlie, I have to take it."

"Then we're here for you," Lincoln said, the words sincere.

Zay exhaled a long breath as if he were accepting that I wanted to walk off the plank and fall into the ocean, yet he chimed in with his resigned support, "Yeah, man. Just don't say we didn't warn you when you're stuck changing diapers and singing 'rock-a-bye-baby' all night long."

I chuckled, breaking the tension and seriousness of the conversation. But my mind was still focused on the weight of the situation. I had a lot of work ahead of me if I wanted any chance at making things right with Starlie.

"Keep us in the loop," Lincoln said as we parted ways.

The loop. Hell, I wasn't even in the loop, and that was the problem. I wasn't there when she found out, I'd already missed doctor appointments, what else have I missed? What else did she want to keep me from being a part of?

I didn't want anger to contaminate my efforts, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still pissed that she thought it was no big deal to excise me from my kid's life.

Even with that said, I couldn't help but feel a mix of determination and fear. I was setting out on a path that could lead to either redemption or ruin. But for the sake of my kid, I was willing to take that risk.

Here goes nothing, I thought as I texted Starlie, my fingers shaking. I was more nervous sending this text than squaring up to a six-foot, five-inch wall of muscle that wanted to ground my vertebrae into the turf.

Can we meet?

I felt the long pause in my chest, knowing that Starlie was probably staring at her phone, biting her lip in indecision. Would she leave me on read? Or would she agree to meet to talk about what happens next?

I know she already told me her decision, but I had to believe there was a chance, even if it was a tiny window, for me to plead my case — to repair the gaping hole I'd created by listening to my ego.

But a different voice whispered in my ear, playing devil's advocate. I loathed even having that voice in my head, but it was there, and I couldn't deny the pull was strong to listen.

What if I took Starlie up on her offer? What if I signed away my parental rights and let the chips fall where they may? Zay was a consummate player at heart, but he made some solid points. Let's be real — I didn't reallyknowStarlie. I didn't know what raising a kid with her would be like or whether or not we'd even mesh well in that circumstance. What if she was Jewish and wanted me to convert? I was raised Catholic. My mother would fall over in a faint, her Jimmy Choo's going straight to the sky.

And yet, even as the devil's advocate argued its case, something in me rebelled at the idea of giving up without a fight. I couldn't just walk away from my child, from my responsibilities as a father, without at least trying to make things right. And if that meant putting in the effort to build a relationship with Starlie, to figure out how to co-parent with her, then that was what I had to do.

Finally, the text notification beeped on my phone. I held my breath as I read Starlie's response.

Fine. Jackson Park at noon.

My heart leaped in my chest. This was it. This was my chance.

Don't fucking blow it, Alexander.

Maybe I should show up with flowers — or a car seat.

What wasI doing meeting up with Cason when I'd already decided? This was madness. Even worse, I was hungry and feeling a little peckish — probably not the best conditions to meet with my baby daddy, but when he sent the message, I still had Danielle's voice in my head, questioning whether or not I was being petty.

So, against my better judgment, I agreed to meet Cason.

It wasn't because I missed him.

Not at all.

What was to miss?

The boy had barely given me a reason to think twice about him before he jumped ship. I mean, that was the logic running through my brain until it was clobbered by the dinosaur-sized dominant side of my brain that was hopped up on baby hormones.

But yeah… what's to miss?

I arrived at the park a few minutes early and picked a shady spot away from the play equipment. I didn't need a bunch of shrieking kids adding to the tense ambiance — soon enough, I'd have my own little shrieker, so there was no sense in rushing it.

I smoothed my skirt, feeling self-conscious even though unless I expressly told them, no one would know I was pregnant — they'd assume I was fluffy, which I was, but my clothes felt tighter and less flattering even with my baby only being the size of a plump kidney bean.

And my pride didn't want Cason to look at me with different eyes than he had before.

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