Page 45 of Confessions of Pain

“Don’t hate him,” Evie whispered softly. “His role of protecting Kelsey and me is a role he takes seriously. Jax is as fucked up as the rest of us; he just doesn’t have an opportunity to let it out, because he’s always watching over somebody.”

“I’m beginning to see that,” I answered. “And don’t you hate me,” I said, my own words barely above a whisper. “I made so many mistakes. I should have never believed the worst about Kelsey, but my own damned pride and poor opinion of myself was always a problem. I couldn’t believe somebody like Kelsey could honestly care about somebody like me, so when his dad and the sheriff showed up, I was quick to believe the worst. I loved Kels so much back then. Hell, I never stopped. Even when I claimed to hate him, I knew I was lying to myself and to everyone else. I wanted to hate him…I just couldn’t do it.”

Before Evie could answer, Jax led his father into the room. I stood up. Terror washed over me and I hated myself for that weakness. In that particular second, I was the same little boy hiding in his bedroom, listening to them talk about taking me away. The fear of what I might face and the shame of what I was felt exactly like it had that very night.

Their father hadn’t changed much—time had been more than gracious to him. I could barely note any significant physical changes, but there was a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. I saw his eyes narrow after he’d stared at me for a few uncomfortable minutes. Finally, he said, “You’re that Maverick kid, aren’t you?”

I rubbed my hands down the front of my pants in a nervous gesture—a feeling I hadn’t felt in years upon years. No matter what Jax and Evie had just told me, I refused to allow the old man to make me feel like the trash I’d once been. I was better than that and damn him to hell for thinking otherwise.

“Sheriff,” I muttered and then sat back down. He didn’t deserve my respect or handshake, not after the lies he’d been a part of.

“Not anymore,” he answered and turned his attention to Jax. “Why am I here? What questions did you need answering? I assume it has something to do with the rape allegations involving your friend and this man?”

Jax motioned for his dad to take a seat next to Evie. I was shocked to watch the older man lean in and give his daughter a giant hug. This man was definitely different than the asshole I remembered from my youth.

“How are you, baby?” he whispered.

“I’ve been better, Pops. There’s some problems with what Kelsey has told me and what Gabriel is saying about the night he left town. We’re hoping you can shed some light on what really happened. You’ll help, won’t you?”

“Of course.” His eyes cut around in my direction, crinkled with a frown, and then back to Evie. “What do you need to know?”

“Gabriel says that you and Kelsey’s dad came to his house and accused him of raping Kelsey. Is that true? Did Kelsey say Gabriel raped him?”

Without hesitation, he answered, “Yes, he did.”

I saw both Evie and Jax gasp in disbelief. I didn’t. Nothing the man said mattered to me. Kelsey was already forgiven. I understood now that anything Kelsey might have said was done in order to protect himself. If he’d needed to say I raped him to get Wayne Sr. and Jr. to stop hitting him, I was glad he did it.

“I remember that night vividly,” the older man continued. “It wasn’t every night the Morganston patriarch showed up on our doorstep. Wayne Sr. and Jr. were both there. The old man was having a coronary, screaming at me to get off my ass and arrest Gabriel Maverick. After they told me what had happened, I had to agree with them.”

His eyes cut in my direction again. “I realize you were young, son, but that doesn’t make what you did right. Kelsey Morganston was underage and you weren’t. Hell, not the ages would have even mattered. Rape is rape. No means no.”

“Kelsey wasn’t there, though?” Jax asked, still refusing to believe Kelsey had lied. “You didn’t hear Kelsey say it?”

“No, but I didn’t have to. Wayne Jr. had it filmed on his cell phone.” He paused, frowned, and then looked over at me again. “Are you claiming the two of you didn’t have sex? I saw it with my own eyes, son. I saw you wrestling with him, holding him down, and then…well, there was sex. The video on the cell wasn’t that good, but it was clear what was going on.”

Wayne had been there? Watching us? The sick motherfucking bastard!

Of course, if Wayne really had filmed it, they would have known it wasn’t rape. Kelsey had begged. I’d tried to talk him out of it. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. “Was there any pauses or blips in the video?” We had wrestled like we always did. I had held him down. We’d played around before things had started getting out of hand.

His frown deepened. “Yeah…he said there was a problem with his phone, but he’d been there the entire time. He’d watched you…” He stopped talking and a look of horror washed over his face. “Fuck, surely he wouldn’t have just watched you rape his baby brother?”

It was as if it was the first time he’d actually stopped and considered the story the Morganston men had fed him. I felt sick to my stomach and ashamed for him at the same time. So much damned time lost because people were guilty of feeling the same way I had—like I wasn’t worth anything.

Evie said me, “You said that Kelsey had all but admitted it to you that he was responsible for you running away. Kelsey never told them you raped him. That night, after he got home, Wayne cornered him and started threatening him about telling their dad about you. He said he was going to do everything in his power to get you into trouble. That’s when Kelsey started running his mouth. He started telling Wayne that he wouldn’t be caught dead with somebody like you and that he was too good for you. He said a bunch of shit…stuff he didn’t mean, but he was desperate to get Wayne off his fixation with you. He made up a boy and told Wayne that’s who he’d been with. He said he was in love with this other boy. He…he said lots of things. Bad things about you, Gabriel. After…after he’d finished, Wayne pulled his phone out and told him he’d recorded each and every word. Then he explained how he was going to go straight to your house and make you listen to it. Kelsey tried to take the phone away from him and Wayne punched him hard enough to knock him out. When he woke up, he was locked in his bedroom. The next morning, Wayne Jr. told him that he’d let you hear what Kelsey really thought about him and you’d left him. Left town without him. Kelsey told him he was full of shit, that you’d never leave without him.”

Tears streamed down her face. Jax looked mad enough to kill somebody. Their dad looked like he was on the verge of a stroke. I couldn’t imagine the look that was on my face. The betrayal Kelsey must have felt when he thought I left him over his comments. The guilt he must have felt…

“Instead of that, it looks like Wayne Jr. made up some bullshit, fed it to his dad, and then they fed it to me. I was stupid enough to believe it and I thought I had grounds to make an arrest.” His eyes, suddenly weary and old, looked at me when he said, “I’d like to think the truth would have come out eventually, son—that I would have made sure to see the right thing was done by you, but I can’t say that. I…I wasn’t a good man back then. Hell, I may not be one now,” he muttered.

The room grew silent as we all wallowed in our own sort of misery. At the moment, I was sure of only one thing. I wanted to literally destroy Wayne Jr. The man would never receive the punishment he deserved for all the hurt he’d caused. Taking his company wouldn’t scratch the surface. I knew that if I didn’t leave Trenton Falls, and leave it quickly, I’d end up killing Wayne Jr. and then spend the rest of my life in jail…away from Kelsey.

I stood up, needing to hold him in my arms. I needed to get both of us out of this town. If I didn’t, I’d do something that would destroy our future forever.

“I need to get out of here,” I muttered as I started toward the door. My cell phone ringing caused me to frown. We all had a 911 ringtone and mine was sounding off. I yanked my phone out and answered, “What? What’s happened?”

It was Titus. “Kelsey knows where you went, Mav. He went nuts. I…I couldn’t stop him and Ethan and Jeremiah weren’t up yet. By the time I was able to get them, he was already gone. Disappeared. I couldn’t stop him, Mav. I tried. I honestly tried. There was…he’s messed up. You’ve got to find him. I’m really scared.”

“Shit!” I hung up and turned back around to look at Jax. “Kelsey knows I’m here and Titus said he…reacted badly. Why? What would upset him so much about me coming to see you? I need help here. Titus saw Kelsey’s reaction and he was afraid of what he might do.”

“Fuck, I was afraid this would happen,” Jax said as he stood up and started moving. “Let’s go, we’ve got to find him.” He turned to Evie, “Stay here in case he shows up…even though we both know he won’t. Call if you hear anything.” He turned to me. “Move, Maverick! We won’t have much time if Kelsey’s determined to hurt himself.”

I moved, but still didn’t understand. Once inside the car, I asked again, “Why would he get so upset? What’s he afraid of?”

“The truth,” Jax answered softly. “He’s afraid of you finding out the truth. We told you, Maverick. He’s ashamed of himself…for lots of reasons. He’ll think you’ll look differently at him if you know he tried to commit suicide. He’ll think you won’t want him when you hear what he’s let Daulton do to him. He’ll think lots of things and rest assured, none of them will be good. It’s how Kelsey’s mind works.”

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