Page 143 of Come Back to Me

At first, I thought you were going to put my hand in water like you threatened. If you had come in, I’d have pulled you onto my couch with me. My sleep’s been shit since I came home until you and me… Well, the truck.

Which partially answers your question. (Why do you want to know if I’m disciplined, anyway?) My sleep’s shit because of guilt and shame and because I miss you. My room’s a mess because I’m free from barracks life for the first time in years. All that aside, yeah, I’m disciplined. (?)

I doubt this is B- worthy, but hopefully you can read my sincerity and it’s worth another letter.

I miss you.

Yours forever,

Cody

Cody,

You get a B on your report card because it’s only 709 words, not the required 2000.

On a scale of 1-10, how important is loyalty to you?

Tee

Tee,

9

And thank you for the B.

What’s with the short letter, though?

Is this a test? I know you hate short letters.

So, I’ll tell you something. The overachiever in me has to work for an A…

I lied in that final letter to you.

I was injured. Badly. Worse than you saw me the day at the BBQ. Remember I told you about Sundance crashing into me? The aftermath fucked me up.

I woke up to be told that my career was over.

I woke up to find my father sneering at me, telling me I was useless. Defective. A lot of other ableist bullshit that he said to tear me down.

I regret to admit that it worked.

It’s one of the reasons I wrote to you.

Your letter came in just after I told him to get out. It was striped. Neon pink. It made me smile. The memory is making me smile now. But then the smile died.

Because what if you thought the same as he did?

I wasn’t sure how I’d cope.

We lost Ricky. Then Paulie. And it was like I lost ME too.

I know you’ll be angry at me because I know you’re not ableist. You have the warmest heart, Tee, andit’s to my discredit that I ever thought badly of you. But in my defense, I wondered if my brothers would feel the same.

My whole life has been geared toward being a pilot, Tee.

What was I without my career?

I’d lost my identity.

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