Page 46 of Four Aunties and a Wedding

Big Aunt and Fourth Aunt’s heads snap up and they both shoot me such a look of displeasure that I want to shrink back into the giant folds of my dress and disappear. “Sorry.”

“Hmm,” Big Aunt sniffs. No doubt she’s going to tell Ma later about how disrespectful I was. How the hell does she stillhave this effect on me at such a time? How is she this formidable? Even Big Uncle was scared of her.

Speaking of which, I should secure him before he wakes. I push myself off the bed and stand there for a second, lost. I have never had to tie up another person before, and I don’t really know where to start.

“Uh, I need something to tie Big Uncle up with.” I nearly laugh at the absurdity of the words. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

“Cable ties are in the front of my luggage,” Fourth Aunt says in the flippant tone of voice one might use to say, “Please pass the ketchup.”

“Why do you have cable ties in your luggage?”

She levels a straight gaze at me. “No offense, Meddy, but I don’t trust that your mother won’t try to steal my makeup. It’s Chanel, you know. So yes, I secure my makeup bag with cable ties, is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course,” I squeak, withering under the Fourth Aunt death glare. Why did I even question her? I unzip the front pouch of her luggage and locate the pile of cable ties. “Um, I think these are too short to go around his ankles.”

“Oh? Tsk, we must’ve used all the long ones on Second Uncle.”

We stare at Second Uncle for a while, and this time, I notice black cable ties twined around his ankles and arms and wrists. How the hell did I miss that before?

“So what can we use now? Bedsheets?” I gnaw on my lip.

“Bedsheet will not work,” Big Aunt says with such conviction I half-wonder what she and her ex-husband had been into in the bedroom. Ew, gross, brain. Why would you even spit that out at me now?

“Ah, I know!” Fourth Aunt says, and to my horror, she bends over and reaches up under the hem of her dress.

“Um, Fourth Aunt, what are you doing?”

Instead of answering, Fourth Aunt wriggles and grunts and tugs. I turn away, trying to shut out the weird noises coming from her.

“Ta-da!”

I chance a glance back and see that she’s holding up a pair of nude-colored pantyhose proudly. “Da Jie, you take yours off too,” she says.

Thankfully, Big Aunt says, “I will go bathroom to take off.” I breathe a sigh of relief as she shuffles into the bathroom.

Fourth Aunt tosses her pantyhose at me and I catch them, cringing slightly at the warmth.

“Oh, don’t give me that look, Meddy, those are new.”

Yeah, but less than a minute ago, they were on your thighs and crotch and—

I shake off the thought and give her a weak smile before kneeling down next to Big Uncle. Okay. How to do this? I thread the pantyhose under his ankles and wrap it round and round. Uh, and then...

“Tsk, not like that, Meddy,” Fourth Aunt says, marching over and grabbing the pantyhose out of my hands. She twines them deftly around Big Uncle’s ankles, making an elaborate knot that looks so secure the only way out of them would be to cut them off.

“Wow, where did you learn to do that?”

She winks at me. “Well, I dated this one guy who was into—”

I clap my hands over my ears and go, “La la la la,” until Fourth Aunt shuts her mouth. “Sorry, Fourth Aunt, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with hearing about your sex life.”

“Prude.”

“Apa sex life?” Big Aunt says, popping her head out of the bathroom.

“NOTHING!” we both shout.

Big Aunt narrows her eyes at us and goes back inside the bathroom. Fourth Aunt breathes a sigh of relief. Moments later, Big Aunt comes out and hands us her pantyhose, which Fourth Aunt uses to tie Big Uncle’s wrists in under a minute.

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