Page 6 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

“As opposed to me?” Rosie asks icily.

“No, Rosebud—”

“You can’t lay off about my school for one second, can you? Mine is hard, too, okay?”

“Well, you’re the one who said your classmates are all drunks, not me,” Mom says, holding her hands up.

“Mom, we’re college students. College students party. And I can assure you they party just as much at UConn.”

“Okay, okay.”

“No, not okay, because I didn’t miss the radio show comment.”

I stand up and hastily bring my bowl to the dishwasher,eyes down. If I don’t look at them they can’t see me and if they can’t see me they can’t drag me into this.

“What, now I can’t talk about radio without you somehow finding an insult in there?”

“Your point was that some careers aren’t asgoodas others, wasn’t it?”

“Honey,” Mom says through gritted teeth, “I’m very proud of you, whatever you do. But I worked two jobs to get you girls into college so you could earn a decent wage and you’d never have to do that for your own kids! Maya understands that.”

Oh, there I am. I pull out my phone and head back to the table, where I focus on scrolling through it. I don’t exactly relish hanging around listening to them fight, but I know how these two get, and they need a witness to intervene if it starts to get too personal. For both of their sakes.

“Well, maybe I want to go into radio!” Rosie says.

Mom thumps her hands on the island countertop. “Since when?”

“Since right now, you make it sound so appealing.”

My phone buzzes, and the sudden sound makes both of them turn their heads my way. At least it’s not Jordy this time. Just another email from Gwendolyn. I wave my hand:Nothing to see here. As you were.

“I will get a job after college, Mom,” Rosie sighs. “It might not make me a millionaire, but I’ll survive with that, somehow. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

I open the email to find a slideshow attached. Jesus our lord and savior, this woman just does not give up, does she? I tap to open it.

“I do worry. I worry about both my girls. I will not stop worrying until I’m old and gray on my deathbed. It’s my job.”

The slideshow is kind of hard to see on my phone—the bottom’s cropped off. This is a laptop job. I get up to leave, and neither Mom nor Rosie seems to notice me moving.

“I’m great. Maya’s great. You’ve gotta trust us to make our own choices.”

I’m too far away to hear Mom’s reply. In my bedroom, I set up at my desk, and pull the slideshow up.

The presentation starts on a title page covered in flowers, animated sparkles, and the wordsSecond-Chance Romance: The Ex’s Handbook.

I click.

Congratulations! You have been invited to appear on the PN channel’s most exciting new show:SECOND-CHANCE ROMANCE.If you have received this invitation, one of your exes has been chosen as this season’s Explorer. And he’s hoping to re-explore every inch of you!

What in the unholy fuck is this?

Seconds later, Rosie bursts through my door without knocking and throws herself headfirst onto my bed to scream into my pillow. I watch her patiently until she tires herself out and peeks up at me with one eye. “I’m never visiting home again,” she declares. “It’s too dangerous for everyone involved. I am going to strangle her one day, andthenwe’ll see what my employment prospects are like.” She rolls over and notices my laptop. “What’s that?”

I join her on the bed, and she scans the screen with a disbelieving look. I click onto the next slide.

So, what is this show all about?the title asks.

Glad you asked!it answers itself on the next slide.

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