Page 7 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

Oh, that’s helpful.

SECOND-CHANCE ROMANCEfollows a chosen Explorer, who re-dates a select group of their exes, in order to re-explore their connection and discover which of them might be the one that got away. AtSECOND-CHANCE ROMANCE,we believe that everyone falls in love for a reason. Statistics show that the things that cause couples to break up—disagreements, incompatibilities, location changes—usually resolve themselves with space and time, as we grow and change as individuals. But those wonderful parts of us that made someone fall for us to begin with? Those never change!

“Citation needed,” I say, and Rosie snorts.

Sounds incredible! Who is this season’s Explorer?

The next slide is a portrait of Jordy. A recent one, I’m pretty sure, because his once-longish, wavy brown hair is short and neat, and the minor chip in his bottom tooth is gone. He’s smiling at the camera all crinkly eyed, like someone who’s just told the world’s most hilarious joke.

He looks like a fairy-tale prince.

Nowthere’sa joke.

This season’s Explorer is Jordy Miller! Twenty years old, handsome and charismatic, Jordy is best known for being the younger brother of Princess Samantha of Chalonne. Jordy first stole the hearts of the people of Chalonne—and the rest of the world—during his sister’s wedding toCrown Prince Florian of Loreux, and he’s held those hearts ever since. Although he rose to fame due to his ties to royalty, Jordy is quickly making a name for himself as a humanitarian and a heartthrob in his own right. Last year, he received the King’s Honor for Exceptional Service to Humanity after single-handedly raising enough funds to overhaul Chalonne’s children’s literacy program across all public schools. And, more notably still, last month he was namedOpulent Conditionmagazine’s eighth sexiest man in the world!

But despite being inarguably one of Europe’s most eligible bachelors, Jordy has discovered that fame, wealth, and privilege are not all they’re cracked up to be. Although he devotes his time to improving the lives of needy children, he, like the children he selflessly rescues from the clutches of homelessness and illiteracy, is no stranger to suffering. He laments that, although he has the pick of the litter when it comes to beautiful women desperate to marry him—

“Oh,screwthis,” Rosie says, shaking her head. I shush her.

—it’s all but impossible to know when a connection is genuine, or when he is the victim of somebody ruthlessly seeking fame and wealth at his expense. But unlike the needy children of Chalonne, Jordy has had no savior to ease his pain. UntilSECOND-CHANCE ROMANCEstepped in. By re-exploring his connections withhis ex-girlfriends (this includes you!), this eligible bachelor is able to take his pick from the women who loved him before the world did.

And as for you? You can get to know Jordy in your own time, isolated from the millions of beautiful, talented, appealing women out there who would otherwise have been your competition. InSECOND-CHANCE ROMANCE,your only competition is the other women Jordy has dated in the past! Now those are good odds!

I take a horrified second to press my hands against my lips before I click on.

How do I win the Explorer’s heart?

The way you go about this is up to you! It’s none of our business. Outside of group challenge prizes, you will see Jordy during the weekly group challenge, and during theNotte Infinitaevent, where you will have an opportunity to attend a party with Jordy and the other remaining exes.

Where will the show be filmed?

Just outside Chalonne’s picturesque capital, Loreux. You will be staying at our lakeside mansion with the other exes. Here is a picture of what to expect (Please note: actual mansion may vary).

Below the words is a pixelated photo of what looks like a Beverly Hills mansion, all lit up in orange lights at night. I’mabout 99 percent sure they googledmansionand chose the first photo.

Actually, now I want to check. Seconds later, I find out I’m wrong.

It’s the sixth photo. My mistake.

Do I need to pay a contribution?

All your food, bills, and rent will be covered during your stay in Chalonne. Don’t worry about flights; we’ll get you to Loreux, and send you right back to where you came from when you’re done!

“That seems unnecessarily aggressive,” Rosie says, drawing her knees to her chest.

Will I receive compensation for my time on the show?

Yes! All of our contestants are paid in memories, laughter, and, if they’re lucky, a healthy dose of romance! How can you put a price on the chance to find true love? It’s worthless!

“I think they mean priceless,” Rosie stage-whispers.

“That, or they’ve gotten to know Jordy,” I say lightly.

How long will I be on the show?

It’s at our Explorer’s discretion how long you spend in our mansion. Each week you will attend aNotte Infinitaparty, where you will have your final shot to satisfy the Explorer—

I’m sorry, towhat?

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