Page 115 of If This Gets Out

That catches her off guard. “I didn’t mean to be weird. I was just surprised, that’s all. And for a second, just a second, I started to question our whole relationship. Like, I always thought you told me everything.”

“That’s what I wastryingtodo.”

She starts smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing?”

“No, what?”

“Oh, it’s just you’re being such a teenager right now. It’s adorable. Okay, back to our serious talk. All right. Mm-hmm, yes, queer teen angst, go on.”

I shake my head and laugh. For the first time in weeks, this feels right. “You’re the worst.”

“I know. But, just so it’s obvious, I think you being into guys is both wonderful and a non-event at the same time. All right?”

“Fine. And, like, you should know I haven’t known for that long, so I did tell you pretty early. I only really figured it out for sure on tour.”

“You must’ve had an inkling, though, right? Being bi isn’t something that comes out of nowhere.”

“Yeah, but I thought it was just a phase, I guess. Like it might go away at some point.”

“I think that’s problematic.”

“Am I going to get canceled?”

“Now you definitely are.”

“Damn it.” I scrub the back of my head. “Seriously,though, I do tell you pretty much everything, the other guys think it’s weird. I just wanted some time to figure this out before I told you. I’m sorry, I just convinced myself you were upset and honestly, it scared the crap out of me.”

“Oh, Zach,” she says, giving me a hug. “I had no idea, and I’m so sorry for fucking up so badly.”

“Let’s just agree we both messed up and move on. Deal?”

“Done.”

We take the coffees, and go over to the coffee table. Cleo hops up and sits between us. I scratch the top of her head, and she stretches out.

“So,” my mom says, sipping her coffee. “Have any boys visited you backstage?”

I almost choke on my coffee.“Mom!”

“Come on, fill me in. What made you figure it out for sure? Or, should I saywho?”

I drum my fingers on my legs. “Er, so you know how Ruben is gay?”

Her mouth drops open.“No.”

I grin. “Uh-huh.”

“Shut up. Zach, he’shot.”

My mom calling my boyfriend hot is kinda weird, and I hope it never happens again. But this time, I’ll let it pass.

“I know.”

She nestles down, getting comfortable. “Go on, tell me ever-e-thing.”

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