Page 40 of Fervent

Maybe Ihadknown all of this. Maybe I’d even used it against her. I’d definitely played on her fears by holding her captive on the island.

“You’re safe here. You don’t have to use the tub. There’s a shower over there.” I pointed around the corner, not sure how I knew, but I did.

We shuffled past the tub and turned, and sure enough, the nook opened into a shower stall. Alex crossed the threshold and turned on the water, but she didn’t step into the spray.

“Do you wanna be alone?” I didn’t want to leave her, but if she needed space, time on her own to process and let it out, I’d give it to her. Besides, I was itching to strangle answers from Jax. He needed to start talking, and people armed with booze tended to have loose lips.

“I don’t want you to go.” Her naked vulnerability gutted me.

Everyone coped with trauma in their own way—I knew that better than anyone. My psyche had chosen to block it from my mind. But shit, I wanted to be her rock, the one she clung to for support and safety. I wanted to puzzle over her pieces until I found where they fit.

Fuck, Jax could wait.

“Tell me what you need, baby.”

“I just need you.”

The spray of the shower sluiced over my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling his intense stare on my body, and let the water run over my head in hot rivulets, but nothing could wash away the blood. It clung to my mind, just like the musty scent of that tunnel burrowed several layers beneath my skin.

I slid to the tile, and my arms snaked around my knees. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I wanted him to take the lead, to come inside and take me the way he should have in that fucking cell. I wanted him to take away the pain. I clawed my arms, chewed my lip, squeezed my eyes shut.

A zipper sounded, and clothing rustled. A soft thud landed by my feet before he slid to the floor behind me and dragged my ass to his groin. He engulfed me in the shelter of his arms and legs.

“Let it out, baby. Scream, cry, do whatever you need. Just let it out.”

“I want to hurt myself.”

He stiffened. “You’re not fucking hurting yourself. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

I grasped his arm and held on tightly. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Alex,” he warned.

“No!” I struggled against the cage of his body, but it was fruitless. He was too strong. Slumping against him, I sighed. “Stop holding back. You’re scared, I get it. But I’m scared too. We’re sitting in a shower naked, Rafe. You can’t get any more intimate than this.”

“Intimacy isn’t what I’m worried about.”

“We’re gonna wake up tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever we can bear to crawl out of bed, but for right now, I just need you tofuckme.”

“Why?” he whispered in my ear, his lips soft and warm and wet against my lobe.

“Only you can take it all away.” Reaching behind me, I wedged a hand between us and rubbed his cock. Immediately, it sprang to life against my palm. He couldn’t help but groan. I swirled my thumb over the head and spread the moisture collecting at the tip.

He pushed upright, bracing his back against the tile, and pulled me with him. He whirled me around, bringing us face to face, and shoved me against the opposite wall.

“I know you’re hurting right now, probably in shock. There’s no easy way to get through what we’ve just escaped.” He planted his hands on either side of my face, and his chest rose and fell quickly. “I want inside of you, but not tonight.” He pushed away from the wall. “Tonight, I want you to crawl in bed and sleep as much as you need.”

The burn of tears threatened, and panic bubbled up. I wasn’t ready to let them out yet. Somehow, those hot, salty drops would make it all real. Cement it in history. I blinked, reaching out blindly, and planted my palms on his heaving chest, smoothing down his abs before lowering to my knees.

“Alex?”

The cold floor numbed my skin. “Let me do this,” I whispered, my lips nearing his arousal. They’d forced us into this just days ago. Now, I needed to make a new memory. I slid my mouth over his tip, tongue laving the underside.

“Alex…fuck. I’m powerless here.”

That was all the encouragement I needed. I impaled myself on his shaft then worked my way back down the length, my tongue circling the head before I pulled away with apop. I clasped my hands at the small of my back and peered at him. “Take it back.”

“Take what back, baby?” His fingers brushed my cheeks, slid into my hair, and pushed the soggy strands from my face.

---