Page 40 of Of Angels & Absolution

I open my mouth to answer, but then I close it again. If I hadn’t told the truth at the trial, I would have all the things I listed that make his life worth more than mine is now—friends, parents, activities that my parents funded until I found my passion, without the fear of leaving the house that kept me trapped in isolation at Aunt Lucy’s for all those years.

And yes, maybe I’d have a boyfriend. Is wanting that so terrible?

“Lying is wrong,” I mumble at last. “It’s in the Bible.”

Saint chuckles, then reaches out and lifts my chin, forcing my gaze to his. “Then go home and fuck your Bible.”

I pull away. “It’s not about that. I don’t care about that, and I don’t care about this illusion of innocence you think I still have, even though you saw what happened every single time. You know it’s gone. Why pretend?”

“Oh, you poor, dumb little lamb,” he says. “If you think that’s all we can do to you, you’re even more innocent than I thought.”

“Then take it, or don’t complain when someone else does. I’m not going to stop until I find out what happened to her, and why, and where she is, dead or alive. So, if there’s anything else you want to tell me before I keep digging, or anything you want from me you haven’t already taken, now’s your chance.”

He stares at me a long second, and then he slides his hand behind my neck. His body sways to meet mine at last, and fireworks explode from the point of contact, bursting through my entire body. He rolls his hips in one slow, hard grind, making my knees buckle and my fingers curl into his shirt to support myself.

“Promise me something,” he says, his eyes fluttering halfway closed, his nose brushing against mine.

“What?” I gasp out.

“Don’t talk to Nate Swift about this,” he says.

“Why?” I manage, though my thoughts are flooding from my head like the roaring through a broken dam. I can feel the hard ridge of my brother’s desire building against my center, and I think I might faint. I’ve never been sure that he wants me back. He’s told me it was all in my head, all one-sided. But that doesn’t happen if a man doesn’t want you.

Does it?

“I know of someone else who can get us the information we need,” he says, holding me pinned with his hips. “He’s still in high school, but he’s just as good as Nate, and he doesn’t have ties to the same people. If you go to Nate, the people who took Eternity will know within the hour that you’re looking, and that will be the end of it.”

“What?” My chest heaves as I struggle for air, my nipples like spikes inside my bra as my breasts skim against my brother’s chest with each ragged breath.

“If I can’t stop you from looking, at least I can stop you from doing it alone,” he says, his lower lip skimming mine as softly as a feather, making my mind go entirely blank. “You’ll get yourself killed that way. And I loved her too. So, let’s find her together.”

twelve

The Merciful

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” I take a breath, trying not to notice the scent of sandalwood that makes me almost as dizzy as my brother’s body pressed to mine. “It’s been… Over a month since my last confession.”

“What is on your mind today, lamb?”

“It hasn’t gotten better,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “If anything, it’s gotten worse.”

“Did you follow my orders?”

I pause, remembering his eyes on me in the library, the flicker of something I saw when I was too deep in shame and pleasure and humiliation to read it. He was disappointed in me. That’s what that look has to have meant.

“I’m not sure,” I say. “I can’t bring myself to do it at night, by myself.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“What if… What if once I do it, I can’t stop?” I ask. “It’s gone beyond lustful thoughts. The things I’ve done… Let people do to me…”

“What things have you done?”

My heart skips, and my breath catches. I remember his rich voice guiding me, a seductive rumble of smoke and velvet that lured me to the hell I’ve tried to resist.

“You know what,” I whisper, my eyes stinging with shame when I remember him standing there, watching.

I hear him shifting on the other side of the partition, his robes rustling. “Is that all?”

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