Page 58 of Starstruck

He hesitated, a slight crease forming on his brow as he glancedaway, his fingers still tugging at the fabric. “I don’t know… it's feels weird talking about it but, it’s like I keep catching myself thinking about her, you know? Drawn to her.” His laugh broke up his words. “That sounds fucked, right?”

No. No, it didn’t. I was too, I suppose, ever since that night at theMoody Sundays concert. I found myself forgetting the lyrics that I wrote every time my eyes found her. My fingers tripped over the strings of my guitar and the stage felt unsteady beneath my feet, every single time I looked to her. Like a star, in the dead center of the night sky.

Yeah, she grabbed my interest and never let go.

And he was right—there was something about her. Hearing someoneelse talk about her like this, it made those thoughts I’d had only feel more validated.

It was also nice knowing that whatever Goldie was feeling, Henrywas clearly feeling it too.

I eyed him, leaning back in my seat. “So you like her, then?”

It was a stupid question, really, one I purely asked to keep us fromthe feared awkward silence, but I needed something to report back to Goldie—

“I guess…” He shrugged, and something about that boyish charmthat seemed to hover around him evaporated as his eyes fell on me. “But at the same time, I’m not limiting myself, this is college, Tristan.”

It was as though my head morphed into lead when he stoppedtalking, growing heavier by the second. Like the weight of his words was enough to make me collapse.

“Not limiting yourself?” I repeated, slipping into that deep cockneyangst that seemed to slick my words whenever I got frustrated.

Henry had the nerve to roll his eyes at me. “I mean… okay, when yougo cookout, you don’t spend all night eating brisket, you try a little bit of everything, right?”

I didn’t take my eyes off him, not even when the buzzer rang.“You’reconfidentlycomparing girls to meat? ”

He blew a laugh from his mouth as he leaned back. “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad—”

“That’s because it is bad,” I cast my eyes over to the rink, barelytaking it in before my head whips back to Henry. “So, let me get this right, you’re attracted to Gold’s, you feel drawn to her, but you also want to get to know every other girl who looks your way because you, the boy who wears button-downs to his 9:00 AM classes, are a player?”

“'Player' is a bit nineties, but yeah, sure.” He shrugged, before his whole body shifted and he liftedhis finger, casting it around the room. “And I’ll tell you something else: every other guy in here is exactly the same; I bet even you are.”

The more I let his words hang between us, and I studied him, themore Henry looked like Andreas, in the moments where he’d slipped from the charming bloke who approached me, to the one calling me names for not snorting the lines he’d assembled so neatly.

“You don’t know the first thing about me, mate.”

I didn’t like the look in his eye as he leaned forward. “Maybe not,but if you’re telling me that you’ve never played into a girl’s feelings or fucked her for the fun of it, then I’d know that you’re a liar.” I bit my cheek again. “Are you a liar?”

I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t, but I couldn’t sit here, with ahand over my heart, and say that I’d never done that. In a flash, Jemyma’s face was in my head. Her fogged-up car windows were in my head. But none of that happened because I’d wanted to lead her on. It happened because some part of me saw potential with us. And we were high and stupid and had no idea what day it was.

When I saw her the next night, it was as though things were backto normal. She was icy, and distant. I was awkward, and submissive to our ever-growing group who only had a taste for one thing.

And that was it. It was sex, not some trick to get her to fall inlove with me, only to cast her to the side like leftovers.

Before I could say anything, a smirk that I wouldn’t have thought aguy like Henry was ever capable of crowning on his face. “See, we’re all the same, dude. Some of us are just more open about it.” He clapped me on the shoulder

I blew a laugh out of my nose, the slight coppery taste in my mouthfrom biting my cheek making me reach for the oversized plastic cup by my feet. I leaned back in my seat as I slipped the straw between my lips, watching Henry like a hawk as he rested his elbows on his knees and gave his attention to the game.

If he wanted to be open about this very well-hidden side of him,then I’d make sure he was open about it, and the only polite way to do that was by letting Goldie know what a misogynistic arsehole the milkybar kid grew up to be.

Goldie?

Today at 21:45PM

hey, are you free tomorrow? i was thinking we could hold up your end of this little arrangement.

are you sure you don’t just miss me?

how did you know that self-righteous attitude is exactly what i’m pining for?

lucky guess.

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