Page 61 of Redemption

It was just that Charlie had never visited when I was recovering before.

“I get it. I’m sorry, I know you can’t help it. It just…kills me to see you like this,” Charlie said, his voice cracking and a lump formed in my throat.

Some months it was really hard to see Charlie. Some months we were both emotional and some months we were jovial. Some months were a swing and a miss but he’d never missed a visit, not once. He’d shown up for me more than anyone in this life and I owed him everything I had just for that.

“I know and…thanks, I appreciate your concern,” I replied, my voice rough.

Charlie sniffed and clapped his hands together. “So, I’ve been thinking, we need to start planning what you’re gonna do when you get out of here.”

My stomach dropped. Occasionally he tried to bring up this conversation and I managed to swerve it. I guessit couldn’t be avoided forever.

“I’ve got five years left, give or take a few weeks, bit early to be thinking about that,” I scoffed.

Charlie pshed. “It’s never too early. I was thinking, how about you come by the ranch when you’re out. We can talk about it closer to the time, but I’d love to have you there.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at the man in front of me who I’d broken in so many ways and yet he continued to help me. To show up for me.

“You can’t do that,” I replied.

He shrugged. “Sure I can, it’s my ranch, I do what I want. Have you thought about a career?”

“Not really.”

He reached across the table and placed a hand on my arm. “I know it’s hard. You’ve been here a long time and there’s still time to go. But I want you out of here and in one piece ready to start your life. You need to focus on what you want when you can finally take life by the balls and get it.”

“No touching!” A guard shouted and Charlie gave my arm a quick squeeze and withdrew.

I rubbed a hand along my jaw and then flinched when I put pressure on a bruise. “I like woodwork, I’ve been reading about it.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up. “Yeah? Woodwork is good, carpentry is a solid career. I would need some help like that at the ranch, you could start there and get some experience before you take on some bigger jobs.”

“I can’t stay at the ranch, Charlie,” I said. The old fool was getting far too ahead of himself.

“Why not?”

I leveled him with a look. “You know why.”

“Well it ain’t called Redemption Ranch for nothing,”he winked. “Just say you’ll think about it?”

I nodded. “Sure, I’ll think about it.” I could do that at least.

He smiled wide and I found myself smiling in return. “I can’t wait to bring you home from this place.”

My chest ached at his words, at the simplicity in them, like we didn’t have a million miles of shit and baggage between us. “I’m not a stray puppy at the pound that you can adopt and bring home.”

He smiled again. “I know you’re not. You’re family.”

*

Present day…

I woke up from my dream, calling out Charlie’s name, my heart aching and missing him like hell and it hit me all over again that he was gone.

Grief was a funny thing. You think you’re okay and getting by just fine. Then something comes along and knocks you on your ass. That was me today.

I didn’t get out of bed. I lay there, lost in my thoughts and memories, thinking about all the ways my life was what it was because of him. I was still around because of him. I’d had dark thoughts while in prison, considered doing some things to end the suffering.

But I didn’t.

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