Page 56 of Christmas Home

I had a feeling there was a lot more to it than simply admiring decorations, but I was thankful Corey hadn’t pried into myrelationship with Clyde, so I figured I should return the favor and mind my own business.

Jake had just flipped a beautiful frittata onto a plate when there was a knock on Jen and Jesse’s door. Jen got up to answer, and I heard Clyde’s voice. “Um, Mrs. Cole asked me to bring these over for you all.”

“Oh, and for you. There’s also someone here who will want you more than those rolls, I’m sure,” she said, leading Clyde into the room. His face lit up with a smile when he saw me.

“I wondered why Mrs. Cole was reneging on her offer for the leftover rolls. I should’ve known it was because you sweet-talked her,” he said, looking at me.

I put my hands up in surrender, then got up and kissed him. “Jen did the sweet-talking. I’m just enjoying the results.”

“Like I believe that,” he said, then looked over at the crowd of people. “She didn’t tell me there was a party, or I might’ve brought the other rolls I kept back for me and…well, me.”

The group laughed. I could tell by Jen’s expression that she wanted to ask Clyde questions about protecting his phone number, but she let it drop. When Jake announced it was time to eat, we all went to the table with our after-Thanksgiving treats, which included leftover pumpkin pie, the cinnamon rolls from Clyde, Jake’s Frittata, and various other desserts I was convincing myself to ignore.

Jen was hilarious. She lightly teased Corey about fancying Solace, then spent the next few minutes telling him about all her escapades with the man over the years.

Clyde sat silently as the spontaneous party spread across the room. I don’t think he knew what to do, and I felt bad for him being thrust into a situation he wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t know if he did, but I felt the poor guy needed rescuing.

“Well, if you’ll excuse us,” I said, standing up. “I’m going to pull this one away, and we’re going to go on a drive through the countryside if he agrees to accompany me.”

Clyde immediately looked relieved I was providing an escape, then quizzical about the car ride. He didn’t ask me anything about it, though, on the short walk to my condo.

As soon as we were inside and I closed the door, I asked if he was okay.

“I…” he started in a whisper like they could hear us through the floor. “I don’t know how to be around famous people and doctors. Y’all are too fancy for me.”

“That’s bull. You know Jen asked about you immediately when Corey and I showed up at their door. Said Mrs. Cole couldn’t stop talking about you. You fit in with them as much as I do. We’re all just people.”

Clyde looked perplexed, then sat down on the sofa. “No, I’m a redneck who’s never had two pennies to rub together, and ya’ll are rich. Plus, you’re…well, you’re you, and there’s Corey, and…a famous model who’s married to a doctor, and Jake runs around with movie stars and country singers, and Lance designs incredible buildings all over. I…you know I’ll never fit in, right?”

When he hiccupped back tears, I rushed over and knelt on the floor in front of him. “Sweetheart, what’s really going on?”

“Why me? Why do you really wanna go out with me? Is this just you slummin’ with the locals? I ain’t nothin’ special, Ruther. I ain’t never learned to use fancy silverware or which spoons and forks to use. I buy all my clothes at the thrift store ’cause I can’t even afford Walmart. So? Tell me why. What do you see in me?”

Big tears fell from his eyes, and my heart beat faster, knowing if I didn’t say the right thing, I could lose him here and now.

“Listen to me, Clyde. You have overwhelmed my senses. Not only are you one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen, butyou’re just as beautiful on the inside. You’re so strong, you chase off my monsters. You help me feel complete.”

It was my turn to get emotional, and I rocked back on my feet. “I came to Crawford City to face demons that plagued me all my life. Did you know it’s going to be thirty years this year? Thirty years ago, Christmas night. Just admitting that six months ago would’ve sent me into a blind panic. Do you not see it’s you that’s made the difference?” I asked, standing up and walking toward the window to stare out. “I get you’ve got some identity issues around Jen Cole. Hell, we all do. But, Clyde, don’t you ever think you are less than anyone, especially anyone in this town. Everyone here loves you. They have since you first arrived. In fact, I’m the outsider here, and I know if I ever did anything they thought was out of bounds around you, they’d rally behind you and kick my ass to the curb.”

I thought that’d make him smile, but instead, he sat still, tears streaming from his face. “Why me, though?”

I sat down next to him. “I don’t know, Clyde. My attraction for you is so strong, I struggle to keep my hands off you. But also, being around you makes me feel so safe. Maybe because you’ve seen the dark side of life and lived through it? All I know is you mean more to me than I know how to explain.”

“What happens if I let you in, if we get serious, and then your fancy New York friends, or your relatives, see me as the white trash I am. What happens then? You’ll be embarrassed by me.”

He stood and walked toward the door.

“I will never be embarrassed by you, Clyde. Even if I gave a shit about what people in New York thought, I’m not going back there. I sold everything, even my family’s brownstone that my great-grandfather bought. I sold it all. I’m all-in here, in Crawford City. I’m all-in when it comes to you.”

He stared at me, and I bit back a comment about him not trusting me enough to give me his phone number. This wasn’tthe time for that conversation. Even if it hurt more than I could say that he didn’t trust me with it, or apparently didn’t trust me not to dump him over some theoretical snooty people I didn’t even associate with.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Ruther. I think I’m still too messed up, and I’m not strong enough to deal with you when you dump me or look at me like I’m trash. I-I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, Clyde, wait. Let’s talk about it.”

Unfortunately, the door closed behind him. I wanted to run after him, but damn, I knew he’d run harder if I did. He clearly needed space, and even if it killed me, I wouldn’t be like the assholes he’d dated before.

I went to my room, collapsed on the bed, and let my tears flow. Fuck my background for coming between Clyde and me. I wish Mrs. Cole had mentioned it was a party. I wish he’d trusted me with his number so I could’ve warned him, given him the chance to say no.

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