Page 46 of Christmas Home

Clyde humphed. “More like I wanted to see you too much. I was afraid of screwing up, again!”

I had no idea what he had screwed up but decided to stay quiet to see if he would explain.

When he didn’t, I cleared my throat and launched into the speech I’d planned for when I saw him again. “Listen, Clyde, I-I haven’t liked someone as much as I like you in a long time. Because of that, I pushed you when you were clear you weren’t interested. I apologize for that. You may have heard already, but I’ve decided to move to Crawford City. I’d like it if we could be friends, and I promise not to push you, okay?”

Clyde surprised me by putting his hand over mine. “I like you, too, and you didn’t push yourself on me. There’s a lot you needto know about me, about my past, and it’s not stuff I want to tell you here in public. But if you’re really interested, want to pursue something, maybe we could find time to talk in private?”

I couldn’t hold back my smile, even though I knew I must look like some lovesick teenager who’d just found out his crush felt the same way he did. “Um, what’s your plans tomorrow, Sunday?”

Clyde laughed. “I volunteered to come back here and help them clean up after the harvest festival, but if you want to join me…”

“I’d love to!” I said and had to force myself not to jump up and pull Clyde into my arms.

We agreed on a time to meet and had just made it official when Logan took over the mic from the band. “If everyone could gather for a moment, we’ve got an announcement to make.”

We followed the crowd and watched as Matt joined Logan on stage. “As you all know, our winery has slowly grown over the past few years. We’ve been lucky enough to win some awards and added several new varieties to our inventory. This year, we’ve conquered one of the most difficult challenges we’ve faced growing grapes in Middle Tennessee, and that is the taming of the muscadine.”

Several people laughed, and I quickly remembered the wine I’d tasted last summer.

“We’ve tested this year’s batch, and y’all…it’s amazing. So—” He looked over at a few of the kids lingering close to the stage. “—if you’re old enough, Lia and Millie will be helping Matt and me give each of you a sample. I think you’re going to be as impressed as we are.”

I wondered if they’d indeed conquered the flavor. It was close last year, the flavors melding nicely with the blend of grapes they’d used. Just a bit overwhelming for my taste.

“Want to try it out?” Clyde asked.

“Yeah, come on,” I said, and we walked side by side to where a line was forming. While we waited, Clyde chatted about everything that’d happened since I’d been gone. The new items Mrs. Cole had added to the buffet line. So-and-so was having a baby, and a couple who’d just announced a wedding. I didn’t know any of these people, but I realized, a few months ago, neither had he. The thought that I’d eventually care about this information filled me with joy. I was beginning a life where I felt like I could belong.

We reached the front of the line, and Matt poured Clyde and me plastic cups of wine and smiled. “Take a sip and let me know what you think,” he said, and not wanting to hold up the line, I did as he requested.

My eyes grew wide at the taste. “Really? Damn, how did you get those flavors out of a muscadine?” I asked, and Matt grinned. “You’ll have to ask Logan, but it’s good, right?”

“Damned good,” I agreed.

Logan, who was standing close enough to hear me, beamed. “I’ll be back to buy a case later. If you have one.”

“We do,” Lia said from behind us. Just come out on Wednesday when the store’s open, and I’ll take care of that for you.”

I gave her a nod, then Clyde and I moved out of the way so they could pass out more samples.

“It’s really good, isn’t it?” Clyde asked as he sniffed the remainder of his sample, then tossed it back.

“It is, just like other Tennessee natives. It’s surprisingly good.”

thirty-eight

Clyde

Isat next toRuther in the chapel, staring out at the view. We’d finished helping clean up at the winery, and then Ruther told me he wanted to show me this special place. It was spectacular—beautiful views as well as the all-glass architecture—and very private.

“I-I’m not good with men,” I said, beginning the difficult conversation about my past. “I don’t think anyone in my family is. My dad was abusive, and my mom codependent. Hell, the whole family is fucked up because of them. I-I don’t trust myself in relationships, but Ruther, I’ve been thinking about us a lot since I found out you were coming back to town.” I turned to see his expression, and when I only saw kindness, I decided to keep going. “I’d like to pursue something with you, but you gotta understand, I ain’t just gonna be able to jump into a relationship. I need to make sure I do it right, take my time, get to know you more.” I looked down at my hands and sighed. “Make sure you’re safe.”

I felt him stiffen. “Clyde, I’ve never hit anyone in my life. I won’t be starting with you.”

I nodded. “Here’s the fucked up thing about all this, Ruther. If I don’t do this with the support I’ve set up, I can actually make you that way. It’s all I’ve ever known.” I stood up and paced. “I-I’m fucked up from my childhood and all the beatings my dad gave me and my mother. I have to do this right, or not at all. That’s what I’m tryin’ to say.”

Ruther stood up and drew me into a hug, which, to be honest, I had to force myself not to resist. I settled into his arms, though, and let myself feel for the first time in a long time how good it felt to be held by a man I liked.

“I’m not in a hurry to push you one way or another, Clyde. I like you, and I really did like the stuff we did during the summer. Our walks, meeting you during your work breaks, eating the donuts you brought over, and our wine tasting. I especially liked the kissing,” he said and chuckled. “The thing is, you can take all the time you need. I’m in no hurry, and I’m not seeing anyone else either, so there’s no need to feel pressured, okay?”

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