Page 22 of Christmas Home

“I got you something, but I don’t know if you like dry wine. Do you?” he asked, and I laughed at how concerned he looked.

“I don’t drink a lot of wine ’cause most of what I can afford tastes like someone poured a gallon of sugar in it. As for the so-called dry stuff, if it’s in my pay range, it makes my face blush too hard and goes right to my head.”

Ruther chuckled. “The cheap stuff does that. Anyway, I visited a little winery near town that produces surprisingly good wine. I brought back a bottle of my favorite, thinking maybe you’d share it with me.”

I quickly looked around, nervous that if Ruther opened wine here in the café, Mrs. Cole would take our heads off.

Ruther seemed to understand my reaction and grinned. “Not here, but now that I think about it, there’s a nice little place at the hotel that serves the wines with local cheeses. I haven’t gone there yet, but it’d be fun to go there with you.”

I blushed and, with my hand still over his, nearly said yes. I turned my head just enough that the almost gone bruises on my neck twinged, and I remembered exactly why I had to decline his invitation.

I pulled my hand back but kept smiling. “Ruther, you’re a handsome and sweet man. I would love to say yeah, but I…well, I’m not in a place to entertain male friends right now.”

“Oh,” Ruther said, looking stricken. “You have a boyfriend, or are you married?”

I couldn’t hold back a grimace thinking about my dating history. “That would be a no. I don’t have a partner, and I ain’t ever been married. Honestly, that’s a blessing ’cause I’ve only ever dated losers.”

When he blanched, I sighed. “I’ve sworn off men, at least until the bruises from my last relationship fade.”

I could tell he didn’t understand I meant literally fade, and I was okay with that. No need for him to know I tended to go out with men who used me as a punching bag, not unlike my father, whom I’d somehow mentioned in a moment of weakness earlier.

“I-I don’t have the best track record with dating. I only just found my way to Crawford City, and to be honest, Ruther, I like it here. More than any other place I’ve ever been. It’s beautiful. The people are sweet and kind and don’t seem to mind that I’m a flouncing fairy. That’s hard to come by in these parts, so as much as I’d like to take you up on your offer, I’m afraid I’m not in the market to find someone who might make all that go away.”

Ruther gave me a bewildered look, then sighed. “I was afraid you might say that. I’ll be honest, I don’t know how long I’ll be in Crawford City, but let me make a proposal. I’m here in town to…well, I’m here to face some of my past demons. And that’s hard, as you saw earlier today. I’m struggling with it. Would you consider helping me see Crawford City the way you do? I know it sounds strange, but you said you feel safe here.” He paused and looked down at the food still heaped on his plate, then back at me. “I don’t and haven’t felt safe in a very long time. I could use some guidance, and I can promise not to make a move on you. In fact, we can keep our meetings public, and if I need, I can have my assistant join us to make sure we keep things, um, platonic.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you saying you’d hire a chaperone?” I asked, and he blushed and then smiled.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, a chaperone when not in public.”

“And your assistant, is he also your lover?” I asked, wanting to get to the bottom of that before agreeing.

It was his turn to laugh. “That’s a very hard no. I haven’t had a lover in several years, and my assistant, Corey, is special, but that’s because he cares about me as a friend and an employer. Corey is one of the most important people in my life, but there’s nothing romantic there, and there never has been.”

The man doth protest too much, I thought, then caught myself. It didn’t matter if his employee was someone who did him favors or not, and it wasn’t any of my business anyway. I wasn’t gonna get involved with Ruther or anyone else for that matter. But I’d seen the vulnerability when he’d said he didn’t feel safe in Crawford City, and I couldn’t ignore that.

“Ruther, I’m open to getting to know you, your assistant, and other people in town as friends. Right now, though, I’m also wanting to get to know this fried chicken ’cause I’m about to starve to death over here.”

That made him laugh, and I didn’t wait any longer to bite into the deliciousness in front of me.

Our conversation was light after that, mostly Ruther telling me about his day and the winery he’d found with his new friends, Jake and Lance. In turn, I made some small talk but intentionally kept my personal life close to my chest.

I’d already told Ruther more than I usually did with people I didn’t know, but his vulnerability was like kryptonite to me. Knowing I’d already overshared made me twitchy. I’d have to be careful around him because it’d be just a bit too easy to let my guard down.

I wondered for a moment if that might be his intention. Then he told me about the chapel in the woods, and his eyes gleamed, and I thought, no, I was looking at one of the only genuine men I’d ever met. No fake promises or begging me to give him something I wasn’t comfortable giving.

He’d heard me and respected me, and now we were going to get to know each other in a platonic way. Of course, my inner dysfunction screamed at me to crawl over the table and into his sexy lap. But I wasn’t ready to dive headlong into a new relationship, even if Ruther was more refined than all the men I’d dated. Granted, refined didn’t mean he wasn’t violent, but getting to know him as a person meant I’d see his true colors soon enough. I just hoped I wouldn’t be disappointed. Lord knows I was full up on that, enough to last several lifetimes.

nineteen

Ruther

Disappointed, yes, very muchso. I guess I had visions of Clyde jumping across the table and into my arms while telling me how much he wanted me. That’s not how our meal went, but I still enjoyed myself and hoped he felt the same.

It’s been too long since I’ve tried to date, I thought, and began my nervous talking when things felt awkward. Not that he’d made me feel that way. In fact, he’d been kind about it, and I could sense some hard scrapes must be behind his caution.

Of course, I knew Clyde had seen my burn scars when my sock had come off in the exam room. Years of therapy had helped me not be quite as fearful that everyone I met would be turned off by the sight. But not even therapy had completely gotten rid of my trepidation. I wondered if maybe my scars were what drove him away from wanting to spend a quiet evening with me.

I shook the thought off. Therapy had also taught me that letting myself go down that rabbit hole meant I didn’t give anyone a chance before I chased them off. My therapist hadsaid in no uncertain terms, though not unkindly, that fear would prevent me from opening myself up to a long-term relationship, and that’d proven true so far.

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