Page 44 of Paladin's Hell

Chapter 16

Hellfire

I’m fifty-seven years old for fuck’s sake. That’s not old, just middle-aged. Yet as I hold my wife who I hadn’t lied to when I said I still find her attractive, unable to give her the loving she deserves, I feel past it. As if my life is as dead as my fucking cock.

Moira’s pretending to sleep, I can tell the difference. To be honest, I’m all talked out. It had been so tough admitting my problem to her. What man likes to feel he’s a failure? Yeah, I’d been to a doctor, knew that I was far from alone in suffering this problem. Truth is, Mo’s getting older, just like myself. Her skin, once smooth, now has wrinkles, she carries extra weight than she used to, and her stretch marks will never fade now. But she’s my wife, I love her, love the signs she’s given birth to my children, admire the way she’s aged with grace. She’s still the one my eyes first notice when I walk into a room, the younger women who’ve not lived a life like she has, somehow not having a fraction of the character that shows in her face. It’s her that I want. It always has been.

When I was twenty I would have viewed a woman of her age with disinterest, as I’ve grown older, my tastes have changed. It’s been hard to convince her that she’s the only woman for me, especially now I’m not able to physically demonstrate it.

The doctor had suggested things I can try. More exercise than just riding my bike, giving up smoking, cutting down on the drink. But fuck, I’m the president of an MC, responsible for keeping my crew in line and bringing in enough money from our businesses to keep everyone’s bellies filled. It used to not be so difficult, drug and gun running being easy money. But we’d lost enough brothers either at the end of a gun or to languish in a jail cell to go back to that.

Stress. Pressure. Yeah, the old days were hard enough, but earning money legit hasn’t brought any less of a burden. That’s my biggest problem. One that goes with being president of the club. Knowing how hard it is, how could I put that onto anyone else? I wonder if Demon’s considering my offer. He’d be a fool to take it on if I’m honest. As for myself? I’d made the offer rashly, despite everything, I know deep down I’m not ready to step down from my place at the head of the table.

These last couple of days have been fucked up. Christ knows where Demon’s head’s at, and as for myself and Mo, we’re forced to face up to issues we’d thought were lost in time. Pressure? Stress? Can’t see life getting much easier. Not in the short-term at least. My cock doesn’t look like it will have any life in it anytime soon, or not without artificial help. Maybe never. I can only hope I can hang onto my wife.

Eventually I can feel Mo’s actually sleeping. I ease my arm out from under her head and try to get comfortable. It’s a long time before I drop off myself.

I wake early. Slipping out of the bed I leave without waking her. There’s no need for her to get up, not yet. I’ll get coffee going, at this hour, no one else will be stirring. Or that’s what I believe until I encounter Slick in the kitchen. He’s already got a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Morning.” I push my bed-head hair back out of my eyes. My nostrils twitch at the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. “Enough there for me?”

“Yeah. Help yourself.” Slick grins sheepishly. “It’s your kitchen after all.”

I pour a coffee, and inhale its life-giving perfume. “Bed comfortable?” I’m wondering if it’s not. I didn’t expect him to be up this early.

“Bed’s great. Thanks for putting us up. Just worried, that’s all.”

Immediately I guess at the heart of his problem, his concerns forcing me to put mine aside. “Kid will be fine with us, Slick. Honestly, Mo will be glad of the company around here. She’s been at a bit of a loss since the kids left home.”

He nods slowly. “I’m sure you’ll look after her well. It’s just, ever since I’ve known her, we’ve had to watch out for her, you know? Her safety is so important. Kind of feels like I’m abdicating my duties leaving her with somebody else.”

“You’re still watching out for her. From what you’ve said, getting her out of the reach of the Herreras is the key to keeping her safe. You’re not abandoning her.”

Again, his head dips up and down.

I place my empty cup on the counter. “Now, what’s the score with Paladin?”

When he indicates a chair, I expect this to be a long conversation. I put more coffee on to brew, then sit opposite, elbows on the table, my head resting on my hands.

Slick doesn’t disappoint, starting immediately. “He got his handle as Jayden seemed to think the sun shone out of his ass, that he was her knight in shining armour. Saw his interest in her right from that time. Drummer and I read him the riot act, he’d risk his patch if he made one wrong move toward her.”

“Which, clearly, he hasn’t done.”

“Nah. I’ve got a lot of respect for the brother. He’s been her friend, her protector. I don’t think his feelin’s have changed. Done nothing but show he’d wait for her.”

“And now?”

Slick shrugs. “In Arizona the age of consent is eighteen.”

“Here, it’s a year earlier.” Not that a designated age made much difference to most teens. “You want me to enforce your original boundary?” I hope he doesn’t, I’ve already got enough on my plate. Don’t want to include babysitting a horny teenager.

“Fuck, I don’t know.” Slick looks confused. “I’ve interfered in their lives about as much as I want to. They were still under my roof? Then, yes, what I said still goes. But I can’t put that on you. It’s not fair. Think Ella and I knew we might be pushin’ them together by lettin’ them both come here. But fuck, didn’t want to take away her lifeline.”

“You said his feelin’s haven’t changed. What about hers?”

Slick snorts. “No fuckin’ idea. Not something I’ve spoken about with her.”

“Ella?”

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