Page 34 of Paladin's Hell

Chapter 12

Moira

Two days earlier

I want my son. Home and safe. Slowly my tears dry up, I’m all cried out. Seeing Hellfire, with such anguish on his face, makes me realise it’s not just me or Demon who’s hurting. He looks like his life’s been destroyed. Which it has. Blackie has found a way to torment us from beyond the grave.

I hear the doorbell and Hell answer it, hoping he’ll send whoever it is away. I don’t want company. When I hear footsteps, I look up to see Jeannie and Bomber standing there in front of me. Bomber is watching me, wearing a look of commiseration, Jeannie has tears in her eyes. Her hands reach out to take mine.

We’ve grown apart, Jeannie and I over the past couple of years. Suddenly I see it’s my best friend standing in front of me. The person who was there from the start, the only one, apart from Hellfire, who knows everything. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have had my husband all these years. It’s not her fault I’m losing him now, yet somehow I’ve apportioned blame to her.

Maybe it’s because she’s been so happy with Bomber, while Hell and I have drifted apart. Whatever, I know I’m pleased, relieved to see her.

“Want me to stay?” Bomber looks at Jeannie protectively, then at me. I see a slight warning in his eyes. Don’t hurt my wife.

Jeannie is staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I let my hands find hers and hold them tight. “Thank you.” It’s all I can say. Those two words conveying how pleased I am not to be left alone with my grief, showing my appreciation that she was ignoring all the awkwardness between us, coming to me in my time of need.

“I think we’ll be okay, Bomber.”

I quickly nod, reinforcing Jeannie’s words. I’ve no doubt Bomber knows everything. He’d have to be stupid, which he’s far from, not to have put two and two together thirty-six years ago. Even if he and Jeannie haven’t spoken about it. But we’ll keep up the pretence. I could talk about things openly with my best friend which I couldn’t if he were to stay.

I turn away as he takes Jeannie’s lips, an expression of ongoing desire and promise that I haven’t seen in my own man’s eyes for so long. But today’s not the time for jealousy to rouse its head. Demon’s my focus, not myself.

Bomber leaves with Hellfire. My husband’s returning to the clubhouse in the hopes Demon might return there. When they’ve gone, I step aside, as Jeannie walks through the house she knows almost as well as her own, even though she might not have been here in ages.

“Coffee. I need coffee. Or vodka. What’s your choice?”

“Coffee.” I follow her to the kitchen. While I may feel like drowning my sorrows, the one glass Hell poured me was enough. I need to keep a straight head in case my son needs me.

“So,” she sits at the counter while I pretend to busy myself, “Demon’s found out?”

I jerk my head up and down. “He’s taken off. Fuck knows where. I’m worried. He’s not got his head straight, he’s riding…”

“He’ll be fine, Mo. He’s an experienced rider. I can understand he wants to be alone. Fuck, that’s so much shit for a kid to get his head around.”

He’s not a kid, though however old he gets, it’s hard not to think of him still as one. “I wish he’d never have discovered it. Jeannie, how the hell do you cope with the knowledge your father was a rapist?”

“His father wasn’t Blackie, Mo. Hell’s always been his dad. Demon’s not stupid. He’ll work that out for himself.”

“Hell’s gone back to the club. He thinks Demon’s going to stand up to him. Take him down for lying to him all his life.”

“Demon will work it through,” she says confidently. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.” She waves down at the small bag she brought with her. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll stay until you’ve got news.”

“Thank you.” I place a coffee in front of her, relieved I’ve got company. I couldn’t have asked Kennedy to come over. I don’t want my other children to know, not unless Demon wants to tell them. It’s his secret as much as mine after all.

We sit for a while in silence. It’s hard to talk. All she can offer are platitudes. Neither of us knowing the truth about where Demon is, what he’s doing, and what’s going through his head. It makes me think of my man. Is he alone at the club? Or is he getting comfort himself? If so, who from? Bella?

Abruptly I put down my coffee. It’s making me too hot. Or is it the damn menopause adding to my woes? Why can’t my body behave? I can’t take it. Getting up, I open a window.

“Hot flash?” Jeannie asks, in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’ve been getting those myself. Annoying, aren’t they?”

“Fuck this getting older.” I nod. We share a moment of female bonding, without having to talk.

“Why don’t you come to the club anymore, Mo? Miss having you there.”

I consider before answering. I’ve got a lot to be grateful for. I had Demon, Kennedy and Samuel. Jeannie and Bomber wanted kids, but it wasn’t to be for them. While I’d been home looking after my children, Jeannie had filled the hole in her life by making a place for herself at the compound. Before we became distant, she used to joke she had more children than me. All the boys in the club were that for her, she’d adopted them all.

“Is Hell cheating on me?” I suddenly spit out, holding my breath for the answer.

---