Page 39 of Liberating Love

“Why? Photos of what people?” I ask, only half paying attention since I’m still filling out a form from an interview we did earlier.

Jovany’s grinning, shaking his head, and staring at his phone. “He keeps trying to set my dad up with people, so he’s sending pictures of basically anyone he knows that’s single. He just sent one of that guy that works downstairs in evidence, and he doesn’t even know if he’s gay or bi or whatever.”

I freeze with wide eyes and my heart starts pounding as my entire body feels like it’s on fire with a blush. Oh my god. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? “Oh… um… that’s… funny, yeah,” I stammer out.

Jovany waves me off, acting like it’s no big deal when I’m over here feeling like my world just tilted on its axis. He laughs again and says, “And now he’s trying to convince him to do online dating. My dad keeps evading every mention of dating, it’s ridiculous. I told Jameson that I think Dad’s seeing someone already, but he doesn’t believe me. Dad acts so weird whenever we bring it up, so I dunno, it seems likely. Or maybe he just has a crush or something. He won’t tell us, though.”

My mouth feels so dry I can’t even form any words. There’s literally nothing I can say right now that’s going to help the situation. If I wasn’t freaking out about him telling them he’s not looking for anyone right now, then maybe I could actually say something. But since I feel like I’m gonna burst into flames from embarrassment and worry—worry he’ll know what I’m thinking, worry that I’m omitting the truth again, worry that they’ll find out—and my panic is like a living thing inside of me making me lightheaded, my heart race, my throat hurt, and a strange garbled sound comes out of my throat. It’s such a weird noise that Jovany stops what he’s doing to stare at me with wide eyes.

“You alright, man?” he asks.

I nod even though I’m not even breathing right now.

“Maybe you should drink some water, Aiden.” He starts to get up, but I wave him off and grab my water bottle.

The water somehow gets stuck in my throat, but I manage to choke it down.

“You need something?”

I shake my head and mumble, “Bathroom,” before running out of there. Once I’m inside the relative safety of the bathroom, I splash water on my face and hold onto the edge of the sink as I take deep breaths, trying to push the panic down.

What’s even more ridiculous is that the very person I’m panicking over is the same person I want to call to help calm me down and get me out of my head, out of my panic. The thought makes a manic laugh bubble out of me.

Closing my eyes, I keep up the deep breathing and chantYou’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,in my head a million times until my heart stops racing. Then I look in the mirror and mutter, “No one knows. You’ve done nothing wrong.” Except keep this massive secret, goddammit. No, no, no. Stop. It’s fine.

After several minutes of convincing myself that I’m okay and splashing more water on my face, I feel calm enough to return to the office. Jovany’s eyes are on me the second I step inside, and his voice is soft as he asks, “You doing okay?”

I nod. “Y-yeah. Fine.”

“Let me know if you need to go home or something, okay?”

“Thanks, but I’m good now.” There, I sorta sound like a normal, functioning adult. Kind of.

He nods and goes back to work, but I feel his eyes on me every now and then.

Jovany’s cell rings, and only ten seconds after he answers it, I know something’s wrong because he says, “Slow down, Seth. No. No, you gotta—” He pauses. “Okay, let me come down and—” He cuts himself off. “Let me meet you, I can help.” He pauses again. “Okay, we’ll be there in ten minutes. Just stay where you are.” He hangs up and looks at me with wide eyes. “We need to go.” He stands and heads for the door, so I rush after him. “Seth’s convinced someone’s after him, so he’s hiding at his cousin’s house. I wanna go pick him up.”

“Lead the way,” I say before we rush out to his car.

It takes less than ten minutes to get to the townhouse Seth told him he was staying at, and Jovany practically jumps from the car the second it’s in park. The kid asked him to come to the back of the house because he doesn’t want his cousin to see us or something, so we walk through the back yard and up onto the porch. Jovany’s hand hovers over his weapon as he knocks on the door. A few seconds later, Seth cracks the door open but doesn’t come out or let us in.

“Hey,” Seth says.

“Can we come in?” Jovany asks.

Seth’s eyes roam over me, then over Jovany before he looks behind himself for a few seconds and turns back to us, saying, “My cousin doesn’t like cops.”

Jovany doesn’t let that dissuade him. “That’s alright. Can you tell me what happened?”

The kid’s eyes are glossy, and I’m afraid he might burst into tears right there in the doorway. “I-I… I was at work yesterday, sweeping near the office, and he was in there having a meeting with my boss, and… and he saw me. I’ve never… he was so pissed when he noticed me nearby. He slammed the door in my face, but I still heard him ask my boss for my name.” His eyes fill further.

“Okay, Seth. It’s going to be alright.” Jovany keeps a calm but firm voice.

“They know where I live. I can’t go back there.”

“If you come with me, I can set you up at a hotel for a few nights,” Jovany says.

The kid looks really unsure and scared, but after a moment’s hesitation, he opens the door wider and says, “Come in, but keep your voices down.”

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