Page 30 of Liberating Love

He eyes me for a moment, then nods and hops out of the car, and I follow suit wondering the entire time what I’m supposed to do. I like Delaney, more than I should, and my nights there have been something to look forward to, but how can I keep doing this if I know it’s going to hurt Jameson and Jovany in the end? When I picture talking to Delaney about this, I know breaking this fuck-buddy thing off isn’t something he wants. It isn’t something I want, either. I don’t want to give up my relaxing Saturday nights, or my quick hookups on weeknights, not even a little bit, but how can I continue them if I have to keep lying to my friends? Fuck. This really sucks.

I sigh as I sag into the seat across from Jovany and pick up the menu so I can hide behind it.

Maybe I need to talk to Drix about this again. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve bugged him. God, he’s going to kill me when I hunt him down. That thought makes me hold in a snort.

Jovany asks, “You know what you want?”

My eyes widen for a moment before I realize he means for lunch. “Yeah.” Yeah, I know what I want; I don’t want anything to change. But that’s not realistic at all.

Is it bad that thinking about all this makes me wish I was in Delaney’s bed with his arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe?

I am so fucked.

11

Delaney

Jameson and Jovany glance at each other from where they’re sitting on either side of the couch. I set the kitchen chair down facing them, right in between their bodies, before sitting down in it and resting my elbows on my knees. “Boys, we need to talk about a couple of things, but first I have to ask you both something.”

“What’s wrong, Dad?” Jameson asks fearfully.

Stomach acid fills my throat at his uneasiness. He’s been through so much. I choke it back and say, “There isn’t anything wrong, but I want to make sure I’m really clear, and the best way to do that is to know where you stand on my arrest.”

Jameson side-eyes his brother as he opens his mouth. Before he speaks, Jovany clears his throat and says, “I can’t say what I thought at the time; hell, I’m not even sure how I really felt at the time.” Jameson’s mouth tightens as he turns to glare at his brother. Jovany holds up his hands in surrender. “It was different for me, Jameson. I was with Cappi all the time and the chief was constantly going on and on about the value of family and how important it was to protect our name in this town, and… it was all so confusing.”

Jameson opens his mouth again, but this time I cut him off. “Jovany, you don’t have to defend yourself here. This isn’t a trial; we’ve had enough of those in this family. I want to have an open discussion, and we can’t do that if we’re not all completely honest.” I stare my youngest son in the eyes. “I think I know what you’re going to say, and you’ve never hesitated to defend me and stick by my side. I appreciate that, son, more than I can tell you. But you need to cut your brother a break here. Can you do that? Can you trust that we’ll all make it through this, even if some of the things we have to hear are hard?”

Jameson gazes at me before nodding his head and turning to his brother. “Sorry. What were you saying? I’ll keep my mouth shut. But”—he glances in my direction, then back—“we’re still brothers, and it’s still my job to annoy you, so if you piss me off, expect retaliation later.”

Jovany’s eyes widen before a slow smirk appears on his face. “I can still kick your ass, little brother.”

“Hmph, we’ll see about that.”

My eyes mist over watching my sons share the first genuine moment in what’s probably years. There’s no real malice or hesitation on either end and it fills me with hope. Shaking it off, since this is just the beginning and it may get bumpy from here, I say, “How do you feel now, Jovany? Whether you believe I’m innocent or guilty isn’t my main concern right now. Do you trust me? Let’s face it, we all can pretty much guess how you felt in the beginning. You did change your name back to your mom’s maiden name when she did. So where are you at now? Will you trust what I say and keep it between us for no other reason than because I’m asking you to? I know you’re tight with—”

Jovany lifts his hand, cutting me off. “You’re my father. Everything else is neither here nor there right now. Yes, I trust you.”

Relief washes through me. It’ll be an easier conversation to have if I don’t have to argue every word that comes out of my mouth. “So—”

“And, Dad,” he says, cutting me off again.

“Yeah?”

“I believe you’re innocent. Whatever else has happened, I’ve always believed you were innocent. The name change thing”—shame washes across his face as he glances from Jameson to me and back again—“that really had less to do with thinking you were guilty and more to do with wanting to get Chief and Cappi off my back about the all-mighty family name within the department.” Hardness I didn’t even realize I was carrying in my heart breaks off, and I take what feels like the first deep, pure breath since before I was arrested.

“W-w-what?” Jameson sputters. “So you… nevermind. I’m sorry.” He smiles sincerely at Jovany. “You believe Dad. The rest doesn’t matter, right? I guess you were in a weird situation, too. Ancient history.”

Jovany smiles back, but he’s my oldest son, and I don’t miss the strain around his eyes. Not for the first time, I wonder what this case is he and Aiden are working on, but I know he can’t tell me, so I don’t ask. “Right. So lay it on us, Dad. What deep, dark secrets are you revealing today?”

I clap my hands together before crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in my seat.Let the fireworks begin.“Your uncle blackmailed me to date your mother. I think she got pregnant on purpose to trap me, which it did, but I love you boys and I don’t regret being your father, not for one minute.”

I chuckle as my eyes travel back and forth between their matching expressions—eyes bulging, noses flaring, and mouths hanging open an inch. Jameson may look more like me, and Jovany his mother, but there’s no mistaking the fact they were raised in the same house where they spent countless hours together from birth.

“Uh, could you have eased us into that at all?” Jameson asks.

I quirk one brow at him. “Was there an easier way to say that? It seems like just spitting it out was the best alternative. Pussyfooting around shit is what got me here in the first place.”

Jovany imitates my stance, settling back into the couch with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “How in the hell did the chief blackmail you? He’s not that much older than you, so back then he was just barely into his twenties.”

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