Page 32 of Heart Strain

12

Jameson

Walking back into Drix’s room after going to get coffee, I flick all the overhead lights on. We’ve only been using the low, adjustable light next to the bed to keep it muted in here, but after weeks of being here every day, I think it’s time for a change.

The thunder clouds rolling across Holden’s face at the intrusion instantly clear as he sees it’s me. “Are more doctors coming in?” he asks, eyeing the clock. The morning round of doctors already went through a couple of hours ago, and normally, it’s the only time we light the room completely up. They don’t do it daily, but more if a specialist who hasn’t been in to see Hendrix before comes to evaluate him.

“No, I turned the lights on for us.” When Holden scrunches his nose, I avert my eyes since that particular expression always wakes up my dick, and that so isn’t what this is about. “We spend a lot of time in here,” I say as I cross the room and set his coffee down on the tray beside him. “And I know it’s good for Drix for us to be here. I really do believe hearing your voice and you reminding him about the good times will help him wake up, but I’ve been thinking… maybe, I don’t know, we need to help him sense he’s missing out snoozing his life away.” Judging by Holden’s narrowing eyes and the downturn of his lips, I’m explaining this all wrong. “Okay, what I’m saying is we spend hours here, and sometimes we come back after getting out and doing something fun. We start to relax, laugh, enjoy each other’s company. But in here, it’s all dark and oppressive. As much as we say we’re waiting for him to wake up, we’re spending the majority of our time like we’re watching him die. I thought if we… brightened it up in here a little, maybe watch TV, play cards, some of the fun stuff we do at my house, it would…”

I trail off because I’m still not overly sure I’m explaining myself right, but Holden’s face softens. “You’re right.” He rubs his brother’s hand, the one he’s always holding, between his own. “You’d be pissed if you saw how sad I’ve been, wouldn’t you, Drix?” He glances over at me before focusing back on his brother’s face. “I wanted it to be peaceful in here for you so you could rest, but I’ve turned it into a shrine. You’re not dead and you’re not allowed to leave me. You hear me?” he growls. “We have wonderful memories, and that’s good and all, but we have so many more to make. So you have to wake up so we can.” I see him squeeze his brother’s hand one last time before releasing it and turning all the way toward me. “What did you want to do today?”

Grinning, I reach over to the small backpack I’d filled with things before I left the house today. “Well, we didn’t get to finish playing Rummy the other day since our pets kept jumping on the table and sitting on the cards. You want to play now?”

Holden’s giggle warms the air more than the heat from the overhead lighting coming on did. “I suspect you’re only desperate to finish the game because you were winning.”

My lips curl up as I waggle my brows at him. “You know it. After you slaughtering me in trivia the other day”—I hold up my pointer finger in his direction—“which I still say was a form of cheating—”

His chuckle interrupts me as he stammers out through it, “I totally didn’t cheat. It’s not my fault half of the answers had to do with medicine or the terminology. I wouldn’t be much of a vet if I hadn’t known what it all meant.”

“Whatever.” Moving around, I reposition my chair and pull the small table the nurses brought in between us. Holden jumps up and moves his own chair so it’s facing the table, but he’s still positioned by Drix’s chest where he can easily reach out and touch him. Settling into my chair, I pull the deck out of its box and begin to shuffle. Before long, we’re shit talking and the heaviness I associate with being in this room is beginning to dissipate.

“What are two up to?” Nurse Caroline asks as she’s walking into the room.

Holden reaches over one hand to touch his brother while responding. “We, well, Jameson, had a pretty good idea. We get away to shake off the sadness, but maybe it’s time to give Drix something to fight to wake up for. There is nothing my brother hates more than being left out of having a good time.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Scenes of all the different times Drix dragged me out flicker through my mind. He was always in the know of where something fun to do was going to be, and he always took me with him whether I wanted to go or not. “Yeah, this is the right thing to do.”

She smiles at us while her kind eyes rest on Drix and her hand rubs his calf. “Good for you, guys. And I don’t know Drix, but I think you’re probably right. Play your cards right”—she nods toward the game between us—“he’ll be joining the party before you know it.”

“See, straight from the professional.” I say, causing Holden to roll his eyes so dramatically we all laugh again.

We keep playing once she continues her rounds and begin discussing the things we usually only talk about at my house. He tells me more about his life back in Ithaca and the many breeds of animals he’s treated, and I tell him more stories about life on the job. We keep it light for the most part, neither of us touching on anything painful, but still taking the opportunity to get to know each other better.

“I’m sorry, am I intruding?” a voice asks from behind me.

Turning, I see Aiden—the officer who’d talked to me in the locker room when I went for my pocket watch—hovering right inside the room. He’s clutching two plastic bags to the side of his leg, and his eyes are darting from the bed, to Holden, to me, over and over. “No, come on in,” Holden says, standing up and moving to the other side of the room where a chair has been pushed back up against the wall. He drags it up to sit opposite the bed on the side of the table and gestures toward it. “Have a seat. Aiden, right?”

“Yeah.” Aiden sinks into the chair, bags still in his hand and eyes now resting solidly on Drix. “How’s he doing?”

“The same,” I say. “Good to see you, man. I was starting to wonder if you were going to come by?”

“I was going to come back before now, but Chief made it sound like—”

Holden cuts him off. “Your chief is a twat.” When Aiden’s eyes bulge out of his head, Holden wrinkles his nose. “Seriously, that man can’t speak for Drix, and he certainly can’t speak for me. You’re welcome. I just don’t want anyone hanging around who isn’t truly here for my brother.”

Aiden shakes his head. “Oh no, I’m definitely here for Hendrix. He’s a good guy.” He turns his head toward me. “You know?”

Not one to normally engage with other officers too much, I find myself reaching over to clasp Aiden’s shoulder. “He is. And I know he’s really going to appreciate you making time for him.”

Aiden relaxes into his chair, his whole body sagging down a little farther. After clearing his throat, he slowly raises his hand. I can tell he’s still nervous by the death grip he has on the bags. “I didn’t know what you guys normally do for lunch or if you even stay, but I stopped and picked up a few assorted things. I thought maybe you’d be hungry?” he asks shyly.

Glancing at the wall clock, I see it’s already past lunchtime. On a normal day, Holden and I would already be gone, especially since as the days pass, I find it harder and harder to watch him sit by his brother’s side shrinking into himself. But today, we’ve been having fun together and the time has flown by. Holden says, “It’s the funniest thing, we actually haven’t eaten and now that you mention it, I’m starving. Thank you.” With a snicker, Holden says, “Guess we need to clear the cards off the table so we can eat.”

“Oh, come on.” I throw my hand of cards down in front of me. There’s no way I’m seriously put out by the interruption, but goofing around while we’re here feels good. Holden’s face is clear and happy, only faint traces of sadness lingering in his eyes. I didn’t tell him earlier, but another reason I wanted to stay here is I can tell he feels slightly guilty when we’re joking around and having a good time. I don’t know if he thinks he’s betraying his brother being away from him or living his life or what, but it occurred to me as I played with the kittens this morning we needed to be here more. However, my next thought had been that we couldn’t do it with Holden being so sad when by his brother’s side.

The variety of food Aiden brought is perfect. He says he wasn’t sure what Holden eats and so he leaned toward safe options, including foods perfect for a vegetarian. As we enjoy our meal, both Holden and I get to know Aiden better. “Haha. Jameson,” he says in answer to my question about the number of partners he’s been through in the time I’ve been on the force. “I have no idea why I’ve had so many partners. I’ve even asked some of them if they complained or asked to be moved from me and they’ve all said no. Of course, they could be lying, but I don’t think so. Honestly, I think Chief Caputo doesn’t like me, so he tries to throw me off my game by switching things up on me all the time.”

“Really?” I ask, shock rippling through me. Not at my uncle’s potentially being a dick, because that comes second nature to him. It’s more the fact I never realized that maybe I’m not the only one struggling to deal with him.

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