Page 21 of Heart Strain

“What? That’s not even possible. Your brother…” I trail off as I realize that Drix used to do a lot of things Holden didn’t. The whole point of this excursion is for Holden to get out of his head, cast his worries aside, and have a good time. So I do the only thing I can in this situation, I stand up on my skates, taking my time to find my center of gravity and my balance. Then I skate back and forth in front of Holden a few times, feeling his eyes upon me. Once I’m sure I can help him without falling, I hold out my hand, palm up. “Come on. We’ll do it together.”

Hesitantly, staring between his feet and my hand, Holden puts his hand in mine and lets me pull him up. I’m careful to keep a tight grip on him, holding onto both of his hands as soon as he’s on his feet. “You’re not going to let me fall, right?”

“I got ya,” I assure him. “We’ll take it slow and easy.” We spend some time standing there before he cautiously moves one foot out in front of him. When he doesn’t fall, he moves the other foot right up next to it. At this rate, we may make it from the seating area carpet to the actual rink floor before the session ends. I don’t even care. Holden’s concentrating so hard on staying on his feet that it’s leaving him no time to worry about anything else. With his next small slide, he loses his balance a bit and his butt shoots out behind him as I try to catch his wobble. Quickly, I glance back at his face or I’ll end up wanting to skate behind him. Holden bent over with butt cheeks in the air is the last vision I need while trying to make sure we both stay upright. Skating for the first time in years with a half-hard dick… then I’m chuckling.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me.” His lower lip shoots out as he glares at me.

“I-I’m n-not. I swear.” There’s no way I’m telling him what the sight of his ass did to me, and now it has me thinking about how I spent most of my middle school years skating while fighting an erection. Thinking back, I can remember how that was the time in our lives where we all went from being conscious of the opposite sex in some arbitrary fashion to being cognizant of wanting to look our best to impress. Every guy I knew pulled out his best clothes and styled his hair, making sure to brush their teeth hoping for that first kiss at the skating rink. Although, I’m pretty sure most of my friends were more worried about the fact the girls were dressing up prettier, starting to wear a little lip gloss and even some makeup, putting extra curls or straightening their hair. For me, though—while secretly—it was noticing the older guys while they skated around. The ripple in their backs, the way their thigh muscles flexed under their jeans, and the older ones tended to wear cologne and smell amazing.

“Foxy, if it’s not me, what’s got your shoulders shaking trying not to laugh?” Immediately, I sober. It’s the first time he’s called me Foxy all day, relief floods me knowing that he’s unwinding whether he realizes it or not.

“If you have to know, I was thinking about how I had my sexual awakening at the roller rink in middle school. Skating behind the older guys whose bodies were more mature than mine. Deciding I’d rather discreetly look at a guy’s ass instead of a girl’s like my friends were. Fighting to not sport a woody, but knowing if I got caught, I could blame it on one of the girls skating around.”

Holden grins so big he almost falls again. After our combined efforts get him steady on his feet, he says, “That’s so cute. Not that you had to hide it, but how it’s a special memory to you.” I shrug self-consciously, but he doesn’t let me get away with it. “Hey, you’ve been hearing all about my past. It’s nice to know something about yours, even if you do say things like fighting a woody.”

“Come on, dork,” I tease. It takes us a full half-hour to get to the place where Holden isn’t grabbing every wall we come to and almost falling until we get to the next one, but eventually we find our flow, slow and steady, but finally with enough momentum that I’m not constantly struggling to not lose my balance, too. I have to fight the urge to hold his hand once he gets his footing; I kinda hate letting it go.

“The music is good. I like how it’s a mix of the last few decades.”

“See,” I say. “The music at the rink always was as good as listening to the Top 40.”

A shadow crosses Holden’s face for a mere second before he replaces it with his happy grin, cutting his eyes at me quickly before refocusing on what he’s doing. “Thank you. You were right. This is absolutely what I needed. I can feel the stress melting off me, and I’ll be able to go back to see Drix later refreshed.”

“Exactly,” I say triumphantly, bumping his shoulder enough to get my point across, but not enough to make him lose his balance.

“It’s time for couples skate,” says the voice over the intercom.

Immediately, Holden starts to V off the floor.

“Wait. Why don’t we skate together?” I ask him.

“Really?” When I nod, he nods back and I turn so I’m skating backward. “Show off.”

“Hey, I’ve been waiting to show off my moves all day. Don’t deny me.” Holden shakes his head, rolling his eyes, but I see the twinkle has returned full force as he smiles at me happily. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I grab his hands and move in a little closer.

“Aren’t you worried you’re gonna run into someone skating backward?” he asks, his voice hoarser than normal.

“Nah, I’m aware enough. Besides, I won’t bump into someone and risk you falling, too.”

His lips pull into something even sweeter than his normal smile. “I’ve never done this before,” he says softly. When he sees me tilt my head in confusion, he admits, “When I stopped coming to skate, most of us were still too cool or unaware to admit if we wanted to couple with someone else. Just out of fifth grade, remember? Not that it would’ve mattered because at that age I was totally confused about how I felt about… my sexuality, I guess is the right way to say it.”

The thought of Holden missing out on those kinds of experiences makes me sad. If I hadn’t seen the cloud that passed across his face when he said it, I may not have thought too much of it. Considering I know Drix was here, I’d have assumed that if Holden didn’t come it was because he didn’t want to. But… something about the tone of his voice makes me think he very much wanted to.

Taking a chance and praying I don’t regret it—not because I’m worried about falling or because I think he’ll say no—I drop Holden’s hands to settle my palms on his waist, drawing his body a tad closer to mine. His eyes widen briefly, until he’s having to pay attention to his feet again to find the rhythm I set. Once we sync up, we both relax as we continue to spin around the floor to the sounds of “All of Me” by John Legend. As dumb as it would sound to say out loud, I can’t help but feel like that horny, middle school boy with my heart pounding while anxiously wishing for the first kiss.

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