Page 11 of Heart Strain

5

Holden

Squeezing Gavin tight, I whisper, “Thank you for coming, Gav. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

He squeezes back. “I wish I could stay.”

“Me too, but you’re not using all your vacation time.” No way will I let him. He used up all his sick days and everything else already by being here with me for a week. I couldn’t let him waste more.

He releases me and grabs my shoulders, looking me in the eye. “If you need me, I’ll come back, okay? I’m just a plane ride away.”

Tears threaten to fall, and I’m so damn sick of them. All I’ve done lately is cry. But Gavin can’t possibly know how much his words mean to me. He’s been my rock, and I’m lucky I’ve had him this long. I keep thinking that Hendrix is the only family I have left, but Gavin is more than just my best friend; he’s my true family. So I nod at him and try my damndest not to cry. “I know.”

He nods back, then pulls me into another quick hug before releasing me and grabbing the handle on his suitcase. “I’ll call you when I land.”

I dip my head in acknowledgement, unable to talk because of the emotions welling in my throat. Then I watch him walk toward the security check-in at the airport. He’d driven my car down so I’d have it, so he’s flying back home. I stand there, probably annoying the rest of the travelers, watching him until I can’t see him anymore. I try not to let it hit me, but all I can think about is that now I’m alone. Alone. Completely alone.

By the time I make it to my car, I know I can’t go back to my parents’ old house yet. Peanut’s there, but I can’t stand the thought of being in that house without Drix or Gavin. The house has been so full of life with my friend there with me, and now I’m dreading going back because I know it’ll be even more noticeable that my brother’s not there, too.

So I drive to the hospital instead. It’s not my usual time, but I don’t care. In fact, maybe if Jameson’s there, I can pretend for a little while that an empty house doesn’t await me.

When I reach Drix’s door, I double check that my hair is pulled up in a ponytail and take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Every day it seems to get harder to force myself inside, force myself to see my brother withering away in that bed. It’s only been just over a week, and he already looks so thin and frail—something my twin has never been. He’s always been athletic and full of muscles—unlike me—so seeing him this way is… difficult, to say the least.

I’m more than relieved to find Jameson sitting in the chair I usually sit in beside Drix’s bed. He doesn’t look up right away, probably assuming I’m a nurse coming to check on Drix, so I don’t say anything either because I’m afraid I’m interrupting. I hover by the door for a few seconds before Jameson finally focuses on me, and the frown he sends me hits me harder than it should. I didn’t think he’d mind me coming in while he’s here, but maybe I was wrong.

“Hey,” I say quietly, trying not to disturb the peace.

“Hey,” Jameson replies back, still with that frown on his face.

Feeling sorta awkward, I walk farther into the room and squeeze Drix’s hand, whispering, “Hey, Drix. Not ready to wake up yet, huh? They said they can’t let you yet… I wish you’d get better so they would.” I sigh, then walk over to the bench seat without looking at Jameson.

“I can move so you can sit by your brother.”

I make eye contact across the room and try to offer a smile, but I’m sure it’s more of a grimace. “No, it’s okay. Um… sorry I interrupted.”

Jameson finally offers a small, half-smile. “It’s fine.”

I nod and survey my brother. “No change?”

“No change,” he confirms, and it makes my heart sink even though I was expecting it. I’ve only been gone for a few hours, so it’s not like I was expecting anything new, but every time I hear it, my heart breaks a little more.

After sitting in silence for ten minutes, I can’t decide if coming here is any better than going back to my parents’ old house. At least there, I’d have Peanut to cuddle with and keep me company. Jameson isn’t much for conversation, so this might be worse. Finally, I say, “I haven’t seen you much the past few days, but I wanted to thank you for coming to visit him.”

Jameson eyes me for a few seconds, then shrugs. “He’s my best friend.”

I nod, unsure of how to reply to that.

Another minute of torturous silence passes before he asks, “Is your boyfriend coming back, too?”

“Who?” My boyfriend? “Oh, you mean Gavin?” He nods, and a strange laugh barks out of me. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Really? You guys seem close.”

“We are, but I assure you we’re not boyfriends. I’d probably murder him in his sleep if he didn’t murder me first. Actually we did almost murder each other once… we were roommates a few years ago and trust me when I say that it did not work out for us. I had to move to another apartment across the hall.” I snort out a laugh and try to stop my rambling. “Us dating would be a nightmare.”

He makes a face before a reluctant smile quirks up one corner of his lips. “Sorry, I just assumed…”

I shrug. “Nope, just friends. He went back to Ithaca today. He’s probably on the plane right now.”

---