Page 10 of Heart Strain

4

Jameson

Trudging up the walkway into the police precinct, I keep my head down, avoiding eye contact, not that most of my fellow officers bother with me anyway. If I didn’t need to pick up my pocket watch from my locker, I wouldn’t be back here at all until I’m taken off of administrative leave and released back to duty. That can take weeks to happen, but the thought of coming back to work without Hendrix is depressing, and honestly, a little scary. It’s been us striving to help the community and make the world a safer place together since the first day of the academy. We’d been friends in high school, but for some reason, that first day, everything clicked.

I no sooner get into the building when I hear, “What are you doing here, Fox? No one cleared you back to work yet.” Sighing I look up into the face of my cousin, the body builder.

“I have to get something from my locker.” My tone is light, pleasant. My expression neutral while he glares back at me with contempt, his steely eyes shooting darts of hate right at me. I don’t let him see that it affects me, but it’s harder to do without Drix by my side. His constant, solid presence was an anchor tethering me to my purpose in this department. My cousin’s obvious disdain, as always, tries to remind me that he doesn’t consider me a part of this world—my family’s world.

“Hurry it the hell up,” he snaps.

Gritting my teeth, I fight the urge to remind him that he has nothing to do with me or whether I’m in this building. He may be a detective while I’m a lowly beat cop, but he’s not my boss. We have nothing to even do with each other. I hear Drix’s voice in my head, Never let them see you sweat. Don’t play into their bullshit, Jameson. Only you can give them the upper hand. Forcing a faint smile to my lips, I reply, “I’ll be quick, but you know it was a clean shot, Cappi.” For some reason, when we were still kids, he’d been given the nickname Cappi by our family. I know it was to keep from mixing him up with his dad, but I never understood why we couldn’t just call him by his name, Lou. Now, I use the familiar term to remind him that I know him well, and that he knows me.

He snorts an obnoxious pig-like sound while pushing his shoulders back and checking around our immediate vicinity to see who’s listening. Drix always said Cappi’s main goal in life was to be the big shot. It’s true, but his constant bluster is annoying. There are officers watching us, though. They’re reviewing files, stopping to talk along the walls, one guy has even stopped mid-stride to “check” his phone, but there’s no question that no one wants to miss the potential fireworks that’ll erupt between me and him. “I haven’t heard one word about how the investigation is going, yet, so I know you haven’t. You can’t be sure of anything.”

“I can. The way our patrol car was angled the dash cam will show exactly what happened. Thank you for your concern, though.”

His eyes narrow at my barely concealed sarcasm, but he sneers and walks toward me. When he’s close enough to whisper so only I hear him, he says, “That’s not going to be what costs you your job. It’s going to be the fact you let your partner practically get killed. He’s lying in that hospital bed, in a coma, no thanks to you. Your bleeding, sensitive little heart will never get the shrink to sign off on you returning to duty.” He bumps my shoulder with his big beefy one. “You’re pathetic.” Then he’s gone.

I wait for him to pass, focusing back on the ground as I continue my trek to the locker room. If I can get out of here without running into my brother, or heaven forbid, my uncle, I’ll consider only having to deal with Cappi a win. It’s harder to ignore the tremble in my hands as I fumble to undo the lock to open the door and grab my pocket watch. Cappi isn’t wrong about one thing, it is my fault Drix isn’t with me, by my side right now. If I could have just… I shake off the thoughts. This isn’t the time or the place.

“Hey, Jameson.” The locker room had been deserted when I entered, so I startle at the voice coming from behind me.

“Hey, Aiden.” I glance over my shoulder to see him leaning against his own locker down the row from mine, shuffling his feet and avoiding eye contact. Drix is convinced the guy is kind of awkward because he’s self-conscious about his carrot orange hair and freckles, but if we didn’t work together, I’d date him. Personally, I’ve always found men with distinct traits appealing.

“So, I, uh, went by the hospital last night to see Drix.”

“Did you?” Most of the guys only stayed until after his surgery, so I’m a little surprised by that. Except for Hendrix’s brother and his—whatever the hell he is to him—Gavin, I’m the only visitor he’s had.

“Yeah, I hadn’t been able to get back there since you came out and told us he was in a coma. My sister, she’s a nurse, and she says sometimes talking to a coma patient helps them, you know? Helps them find their way back home, so I figured…”

After grabbing my pocket watch, I turn to fully face Aiden. He’s one of the nicer guys in the station, if a little on the quiet side. Average height and build, not overly muscular or anything, but in shape. With his eyes darting around, I can tell he’s uncomfortable, however, I’m not sure why. Unlike me, he’s not ostracized by the chief, but he doesn’t make waves, either. “That’s really nice of you, Aiden. I know Drix will appreciate it.”

“Yeah, I know I’m not close to him like you are but… we talk on occasion so, yeah.”

It’s almost painful to watch him try to justify going to see my best friend, a fellow brother, in his time of need. I cross over to him and clasp his shoulder. “Thank you.” At his tentative smile, I squeeze a little. “Seriously, you should feel free to come by anytime. I usually go in the afternoon when his brother leaves for a while to feed his dog and eat and stuff, so feel free to come sit with me. Maybe we can play a game of cards or something.”

“You go every day?”

“I will be until they take me off leave.” I give another little squeeze for good measure and begin striding toward the door so I can get out of here.

Before I exit the room, he says, “His brother seems nice. We didn’t want to bother him the night of the sh-accident, but I talked to him for a bit last night. I’m glad he’s here. Maybe the sound of his voice will help Drix fight to get back to us.”

“Maybe,” I say. “See you later, Aiden.” I quickly exit and sprint-walk for the front door so I can get to my car. The tears are hovering, ready to break free and I don’t want anyone to see them filling my eyes. The accident. It wasn’t an accident. That son of a bitch purposefully shot my partner, leaving him in a coma and fighting for his life.

On my drive to the hospital, I have to admit the other thing Aiden said that gave me pause. Maybe the sound of Holden’s voice will give Drix a lifeline to hold onto and draw him back, but resentment fills me. They both lost their parents as they graduated from high school. It’s obvious by the relationship Holden and Gavin have that he has a life, a good life in New York. That’s fine, I don’t begrudge the guy his happiness—much. But why hasn’t he come home more and seen his brother more in the last couple years since he finished school? Drix misses him desperately. When we’re riding around in the squad car all day, he tells me stories, some sad, most funny, of their lives growing up. Hendrix could’ve really used his brother around, not just now because his body’s broken and he’s at death’s door.

As I walk into the hospital, I greet the sweet older lady giving out visitor badges. This is the third time I’ve seen her in the four days that Drix has been here. “Good afternoon. Don’t you ever go home?” I ask with a wink.

A wide smile breaks out across her ebony face and her chocolate brown eyes twinkle. “Hey, you. Me? You’re here as much as I am lately.”

“Yeah, my best friend, well, my partner is in a coma. He was shot four days ago in the line of duty, so, you may be seeing a lot of me.”

The grin slips from her face, the sparkle gone and replaced with warm sympathy. She reaches her wrinkled hand across the desk to take one of mine where it’s resting while waiting for her to fill out the visitor’s pass for me. “You’re a good boy. I’ve been volunteering at this hospital for twenty years, ever since I retired, and you wouldn’t believe the miraculous things I’ve seen happen around here. You keep coming, you talk to your friend, remind him you’re here for him, and what he has to live for. One day he’ll surprise you and he’ll wake up saying, shut up, already. You haven’t stopped talking.” She pats my hand before she goes back to the badge. “Mmhmm, mark my words. You just have to take it one day at a time, Jameson.”

“You remembered my name?” I ask, slightly charmed by this woman, but also really freaking curious how young she was when she retired and how she did it. She can’t be over sixty-five, but I know better than to ask a woman her age, so I bite my tongue.

“Of course, I did. A nice looking, polite man like yourself.” There’s no question my face is flushing with the compliment. “I may be old, but I’m not dead, honey. I can still appreciate.” Now I feel the tip of my ears burning, and she starts giggling. “You’re adorable. Here you go. Have a nice afternoon with your friend.”

“Thanks, I guess I’ll see you next time you’re here.”

Winking at me, she says, “I look forward to it.”

The elevator ride to Drix’s room is quick, and thankfully, one of the benefits of being an officer is the department ensures a private room. It’s quiet when I enter, the lights on low. I knew I’d be alone since I purposely come in the afternoon after Holden leaves and as soon as he comes back, I go home. For Drix’s sake, I’d never leave Holden here alone, but he has Gavin, so I don’t want to intrude by being here. As I approach the bed, I’m struck again, just as I am each time, by Drix lying here, motionless, asleep, locked inside of himself. All of the various wires and tubes are alarming enough, but him not opening his eyes and giving me a hard time, not being able to tell him how sorry I am and knowing for sure he hears me, is breaking my heart a little more each day.

Settling into the chair that Holden’s permanently placed by his brother’s bedside, I lay my hand on his and start speaking. “Sorry, I’m late today, Drix. I had to go by the station. When I went in and filed my report the other morning, I still hadn’t slept and forgot to get my pocket watch out of my locker. Yeah, yeah, don’t give me a hard time about it, I can’t believe I forgot it, either. Aiden was there, too. He followed me into the locker room and said he came to see you. I’m surprised he even talked to me in the station; Cappi had just made a spectacle of himself. I wish he’d followed me into the locker room to do it, but no, he did it right there inside the front door. Yes, I know he’s an ass, and dude, I know he isn’t worth me getting riled up over. Don’t judge me. If you’d wake the hell up, you could tell me yourself... Ha, there’s an older lady, her name tag says Luwanna; Drix, I can’t wait for you to meet the ol’ gal. She’s your kind of people, friendly and outspoken. I desperately want to know how old she is; if you weren’t being a bum, you’d wake up, befriend her, and get her to spill her secrets. I need you to get better so they’ll wake you up, and you can get the deets for me, partner, okay?”

I talk on and on about everything I can think of, just as I’ve done every day I’ve come alone. Since the second day when Gavin got here with Holl-Holden’s car, he hasn’t needed me for a ride or for the company. Maybe that’s a little of why I’m resentful of Holden, too. He hasn’t lived here in years and he has someone by his side to help him through this. I only ever left the city for college, and yet, I’m here alone. Drix is my only true friend. The one person I know is always on my side. That’s really not Holden’s fault, or problem, for that matter. It’s mine.

“Aiden seemed like he wanted to come back again, maybe. That would be cool, right? I told him the times I visit so maybe I’d have company while I see you, but he’ll probably come when your brother’s here. He thought Holden was a great guy... Hendrix, buddy, I really need you to pull through for me. I’m so sorry I let you get hurt, and… and I’ll even understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. I can’t even blame you. But I need to know you’re alive and happy. Please heal so you can open your eyes… I really hope you can hear me,” I end on a whisper, finally letting the tears roll down my face and drip onto my lap.

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