Page 2 of Ryder

She places her hand on my arm, just like she used to do when we were younger. When kids made fun and she was the only one who didn’t laugh at me. “It’s not wrong if we both want it. Come on, Ryder, don’t be a pill. It’s my virginity, not a marriage proposal. You’ve had sex plenty of times.”

I stare at her like she’s grown another head. Then her eyes dip and she giggles. Okay, my dick responded to her closeness, but that’s not the point. I cover myself up with the duvet, fearing it’s way too late to hide it.

“You don’t want to lose your virginity to m-m-me.” Why the hell is my voice so thick? Why the fuck can’t I speak? I feel like I swallowed a bag of marbles. “You need to go before Luca finds us.”

“He’s in the pool room, he’ll never know.”

“No, Crystal.”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Don’t be a brat,” I growl. “I kn-know you’re used to getting what you want.”

“That’s not all true, I’m not getting what I want now.”

“Spoken like a true brat.”

She narrows her eyes. I can’t deny it. I’ve been with a ton of girls, but they weren't my best friend's little sister. Me and Torin, hang out at the mall, or at parties where we meet girls. It isn’t like I’m forcing chicks to get with me. Apparently I have a baby face, and they like my dick. I’m blessed, but this blessing is staying right in my pants where she’s concerned.

“You could say it with a little more conviction,” she snaps.

I take a breath. I know I can control my stutter if I just fucking breathe… “Crystal. You’re a great girl, you know I like you, but as a friend. You and me just aren’t gonna happen, Sugar.” I have to let her down gently, hoping she’ll go away.The temptation of her splayed out like that before me, all breathy and needy, makes my dick throb. Focus!

Crystal isn’t used to being denied. Her nostrils flair at my rejection. Christ, I’m doing this for her own good! Can’t she see that?

“So what if I’m Luca’s little sister? I’m a woman now?—”

“Not legally.”

She folds her arms over her chest. “You don’t want me.” I can see the tears in her eyes and it kills me. It fucking kills me.

I grip her chin. “Crys. You’re gorgeous, and any guy would be happy to have you in his bed, but you’re too young. You’re only sixteen. You don’t wanna do anything stupid you might regret.”

“So now I’m stupid?” She recoils, trying to get away from me.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I can’t believe this!”

“It’s not because I don’t want to,” I blurt, only making it worse. “I mean, you’re really pretty, but we can’t. It’s wrong, you’re like a sister to me. I could never forgive myself.”

“You’re really pathetic, you know that, Ryder?”

“Don’t be mad at me.” I try to catch her arm before she stomps off, but I’m too slow. “One day you’ll see that this was the right thing to do. We can’t lie to Luca.” And she’s only sixteen. I don’t do underage chicks…

“One day you’ll realize what you threw away.” Her eyes are filled with tears, her cheeks pink with humiliation. “And you’ll be sorry.”

“Crystal, don’t leave like this—” But it’s too late. She’s running away, taking the stairs two at a time to get back to her room.

I punch the pillow. Fuck.

She can say what she wants, but this was the right thing. How could I ever look Luca in the eye again after defiling his little sister? I couldn’t. That’s the short answer. I care about her too much. In fact, until this moment, maybe I didn’t quite realize exactly how much I cared.

I don’t miss the middle finger she gives me as she stomps up the stairs.

She might hate me now, but she’ll realize when she gets older that I don’t want it to be the asshole that took her virginity, and couldn’t offer her anything more. Because despite what she says, they always want more. Since I’m leaving town, how would that even be fair to her? She’s still a kid in my eyes. She doesn’t know what she wants, and me railing her will only complicate things. Even if she is right about one thing: I have been looking at her differently lately, but that’s on me. I would never act on it. Hell, I’ll beat anyone if they even touch her. We both know it, but it’s not because I want her for myself; it’s because I’ve known her since she was little. That’s what you do around here, no matter what side of the tracks you come from. You protect the ones closest to you. You protect them at all costs. I won’t be the monster she needs to be protected from. No matter what.

I cover my face with my hands, knowing she’ll hate me forever.

---