Page 90 of Rebellious Hearts
“Pregnant,” I said and squeezed my eyes shut when tears welled in them.
“Oh, my God,” Amy breathed, and her hand landed on my arm. I felt her come closer and wrap her arms around me.
“Is Ben…?”
I nodded because I knew what she was asking.
He was the father.
I broke out of the hug and turned to the basin, rinsing my mouth again, and trying to salvage my makeup when my tears wouldn’t stop streaking my mascara. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help myself.
“It’s not the end of the world,” Amy said.
“It is,” I answered through my tears. “You have no idea.” I pressed my fingers against my lips when my stomach rolled again. “I feel so sick. I’m scared I’ll throw up everywhere if I leave here.”
“I know what will help,” Amy said. “Come with me.”
I was worried about leaving the restroom, but Amy took my hand gently and led me out like a child. She led me across to the living room area across from the dining room. As soon as we were inside, she ordered ginger tea from a server and led me to the couches that faced full-length windows overlooking the ocean.
“Talk to me,” Amy said, sitting close to me, her face open.
“I can’t do this,” I said and covered my face. “I can’t be pregnant. Not now.”
I started crying again, and I hated myself for it. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t melodramatic per se, but still. I hated being like this, coming apart at the seams, looking like I couldn’t keep it all together.
“Are you sure?” Amy asked.
I shook my head and dropped my hands. “I didn’t take a test, if that’s what you mean. But I’m really late, and I’m throwing up.” I explained to her how I’d felt since I’d woken up.
“Maybe you should take a test to be sure,” Amy said. “But it does sound like that’s what it might be.”
That only made me cry again.
“This can’t happen now.”
“Hey,” Amy said, putting her hand on my shoulder, and I peeked through my fingers. “It’s going to be okay. I mean, I know it doesn’t feel that way and it’s low of me to just say it like that. But Ben is a good guy, and if you talk to him about it, he’ll step up. I know he will.”
“I can’t do this,” I said again.
“He won’t just give you money and stay out of the baby’s life, either,” Amy added. “If that’s what you’re thinking. He’ll step up and do the right thing, and he’ll nevernotwant the baby. He might not know that right now, but I’ve known him long enough, and I know it.”
“That might be so,” I said before I dropped my hands and looked at Amy, “butIdon’t want the baby.”
Amy’s jaw dropped, and she stared at me. “What?”
“It’s not about it being the wrong time or something like that, either. You don’t understand. I don’t want a relationship, to play happy families, the white picket fence and two point four kids with a dog… This whole thing with Ben is just pretend, it’s not real, and when this is over, I’m leaving to go to Costa Rica soI can do what I love instead of being in this scenario where everything is like some fairy tale someone made up, something that’s not real.”
“I don’t understand,” Amy said. “You’re right about that. You and Ben are so good together. After everything that’s happened, how can you still want to leave?”
I took a deep breath and let it out with a shudder. Amy was here and willing to listen. And maybe she really was as good a friend as she seemed. I didn’t have the feeling she was just here on Ben’s behalf. She really looked like she cared, and I really needed someone to talk to about this right now.
“This job in Costa Rica is everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s what I’m good at, but it also does what I really care about. Helping people and animals… it’s not just about making money. I can’t give my career up for a guy again.”
Amy frowned. “Did you do it before?”
“Almost.” I told Amy about Brad, about what had happened between us and how he’d been engaged to two people at the same time, only to choose someone else.
“Jesus,” Amy breathed. “What a fucking asshole.”
