Page 110 of Rebellious Hearts
“I can’t do this,” I said in a whisper. “I never wanted to be a single mom, I've always wanted a family. I’m not cut out for this kind of life.”
“You can do it and you’re going to be a great mom, Sofia,” Amy said.
“How do you know?” I furiously scrubbed away my tears that seemed to fall without warning lately.
“Because you care. You care so much about people, it’s impossible for you not to be a good mom.”
I shook my head. “I also don’t want to give it all up.”
Amy frowned. “What do you mean?”
“My career. My dreams. Everything that matters to me… I don’t want to give it up so that I can raise a baby, but I won’t get rid of the baby. That’s not fair—he or she didn’t ask to be here, and I can’t do that. I can’t…” Sobs racked my chest, and I took a deep breath. “I can’t throw away a whole life just like that. That baby is everything.”
Amy put her hand on my arm, shifting a little closer. “No one said you had to give anything up.”
I blinked at her. “I have to if I want to be a good mom.”
“That’s not true. You know you can have both—a career and a family. No one’s forcing you to choose between the two.” Amy frowned. “Is that what you think? That having kids means you’ll be chained to the house and forced to be a mom without being allowed to live, too?”
I hesitated. “Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
“Sofia, not at all,” Amy said. “You can be whoever you want to be while you have a child. The baby doesn’t take away from who you are. He or she will just add to your life. Change it, for sure, but add.”
I covered my face and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to feel about the baby. About Ben not being involved.”
“Did he say that? That he doesn’t want to be involved?”
I nodded. “He said he’ll send me money, as much as I need, but that’s it.”
Amy shook her head, shocked.
“There’s no fucking way he said that. Did he really?”
I nodded glumly and looked at the ground, studying the way the dry leaves danced in patterns every time the breeze swept by.
“If that’s what he’s going to do, then he’s a dick,” Amy said hotly. “And best know he’s going to get a piece of my mind.”
“Don’t,” I said. “Really. It’s fine. I just…” I swallowed hard, trying not to cry again. Damn it, I was crying over everything. “I just thought we had something special.”
“You did,” Amy said. “You and Ben together were like something from a storybook. I’ve never seen Ben the way he was around you. If he says that he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t want to be involved, he’s lying. To you, and to himself.” She considered it. “You should talk to him.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. “He made it clear he’s done.”
“You can’t just give up, Sofia,” Amy urged. “You can’t let this go. You have something that doesn’t just come along every day, and Ben… he’s a stubborn asshole. Sometimes, you need to knock some sense into him before he sees the truth.”
I shook my head again. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. It wasn’t like either of us were looking for something, anyway. It was just playing pretend, and now the ruse is over.”
Amy shook her head. “Love has a funny way of surprising us when we least expect it. Whatever you and Ben had was real, no matter how much you’re trying to tell yourself that it wasn’t.”
I wanted to argue with her, but she wasn’t wrong. At least not about my part of it.
Because the truth was I was still madly in love with Ben, all the tears, the low energy, the nausea… it wasn’t just because I was pregnant.
I was also suffering from a serious case of a broken heart.
35
BEN
