Page 76 of Rebellious Hearts
Ben had asked me to stay last night. I’d woken up next to him this morning.
He hadn’t told me to leave; he hadn’t ended things right after sex like he had the first time.
Everything was different with him now.
But that didn’t mean anything, right?
I couldn’t.
Because after all was said and done, weweren’ttogether. Besides, if I was going to leave the company soon, which was something Ideserved, then it would be a moot point, anyway.
I shook my head. I was getting confused, Amy’s words tugging at my heart when I was set on arguing this with my head.
“We should get back,” she said to my relief, not pushing the topic when I didn’t have the words to argue. “If we stay away too long, they’llknowwe’re gossiping about Ben.” Amy pulled a cheeky tongue at me before she left the restroom, and I followed her.
My stomach twisted in knots and my heart fluttered and I didn’t know what to think or feel.
When I sat down, Ben kissed me again and he put his hand back on my thigh as if that was exactly where it belonged. The heat of his touch branded me through my jeans, and no matter how much I argued with myself, telling myself that this didn’tmean anything, I put my hand on his and shifted a little closer so that our sides pressed against each other.
Damn it, I was in really deep, wasn’t I?
23
BEN
“Where have you been?” I asked Sofia when she shifted closer to me again. Fuck, I loved the way her body pressed against mine, as if she’d been carved to fit me perfectly.
Stop it.
I wasn’t supposed to think about Sofia as perfect. At least, not perfect for me. No one could be—I might have been a Blackwood but underneath the fancy title and all that came with it, I was trash and no one deserved that shit.
Although, when I was with Sofia, I felt like maybe Icouldbe the one to deserve that shit. I could deserve love, a happily ever after, someone like Sofia by my side so that we were a team…
“We were just powdering our noses,” Sofia said with a small smile.
I grinned at her.Powdering noseswas just another word for gossiping. Had they been gossiping about me?
I glanced at Amy, and her eyes locked on mine, saying all kinds of things I couldn’t decipher. I wanted to catch her alone andsee what she had to say about Sofia, about what they might have been talking about. A part of me hoped Amy approved of Sofia.
What are you thinking?
The thought had just popped into my head, and it pulled me up short. Why would I care that my friends approved of her?
Because you want her around.
Fuck, arguing with the little voice in my head wasn’t going to work because no matter which way I looked at it, it was true. I wanted Sofia around long term. I wasn’t going to be stupid and use terms likegirlfriendbut when I looked at her… I thoughtmine.
I shook off the thoughts and tried to focus on the conversation that had turned to light, tipsy banter again. I could do tipsy banter—it was safe and I was good at it. It was better that I let myself get distracted by the conversation rather than thinking too much, because now that we were drinking, my mind overrode me and I started thinking about things that I didn’t allow myself to think about when I was sober.
I had to shake myself a second time to get rid of the thoughts.
Amy’s eyes were on me again, and when I glanced up at her, she mouthed,Are you okay?
I nodded. I was more than okay. If she had even the slightest idea, she would pick up and run with it, and I didn’t mind it. In fact, I wanted to talk to her about it, brag a little, gush a little…
What was happening to me?
“How about a shooter?” Amy asked me. “I really want something that will burn its way through my family drama and make me forget.”
