The way my mother and Dom looked at me, I was reminded that not everything in the Salinger world was one hundred percent okay. Half my family wasn’t talking to me, even though they were doing their damndest to protect my son after hewitnessed a murder. Said son was resentful, and I couldn’t take that away from him. He’d had his world turned upside down and witnessed something he was never supposed to. And he still hadn’t dealt with the trauma of it all. And now he was grounded.
He was bottling it all up and I just wanted him to know he was safe to let all his feelings out. But I had a feeling Logan had taken care of that.
I hoped that was the case, at least. Even if that meant shouting at Logan and I. He shouldn’t have to be strong for the little ones. I could handle that burden. Logan could, too.
My Dad walked over and took me in his arms. “Your mother wanted to know if Cassie can bring the other kids over for a family dinner?”
I looked around and sure enough, Dom and Jared’s brother, Aiden, were the only teens still hanging. All the other families had left. I raised a brow at my dad. “And she couldn’t ask me herself?”
“Cut her some slack, honey.” He tightened his arm around my shoulder. “She’s hurt. We all are, but she’s your mother. You’re supposed to come to her about anything. I think she feels like she failed you somehow.”
“But she didn’t, Dad.”
My mother was the best woman I knew. It was because of her encouragement I became a Ranger. She was the one who helped me deal with Debbie’s death even though it had to have almost killed her to bury her own child. That was something I didn’t want to imagine. And when Curtis’ lies were revealed, she was there. Not just when I found him in bed with another woman, but also when we learned he was using me to get information on my family.
She was my inspiration, her shoulders were both strong and comforting at the same time. “I knew she would be angry. I just didn’t imagine her shutting me out the way she has.”
“Honey.” My Dad offered me a small smile. “If she intended to shut you out, she wouldn’t have sent me over here to make sure you stayed. She’d be pissed I was even talking to you. She just needs time.”
“Time.” Maybe I was being impatient. I had kept a very important secret for more than fifteen years.
My Dad turned to me so I was facing him. “Or maybe she’s waiting for you to make the first move. She’s stubborn and in this case, she’s not the one in the wrong.”
I had been so busy avoiding my mother not wanting to make her even angrier, I hadn’t even considered that possibility. Hope bloomed in my belly as I offered my dad a small smile. “Noted. I’ll take a moment to test the waters.”
Of course, she could just as easily shut me down, not wanting a reconciliation yet. But that was a chance I was willing to take. I was the one who had fucked up, and I knew I needed to be the one to fix things. I only had one stipulation. “But Dad, if Logan is sidelined, I will leave and not even think twice about it.”
My Dad smiled. “There she is.”
“What?”
“That spirit only your mother could instill in you. She wouldn’t stand for anyone treating me badly. No matter how pissed they were at her. She would approve. And she will respect it, too.”
I knew my dad was right. The first time my grandmother had let her displeasure for my parents’ relationship show, my mother had vowed never to speak to her until she got her attitude right. It was a story my mother had relished telling us. My grandmother came around and even got along with my father’s parents. But she hardly visited before she died a year before Debbie did.
My dad kissed my forehead as Logan took my hand and walked me to the huddle of family.
My mom spoke directly to Logan, but it was obvious she was purposely avoiding eye contact with me. “I asked Cassie to bring the high chair with her. We haven’t yet got around to buying another one here. Though I think Cooper and Mattie are about ready for a kiddy table instead of the high chair.”
“Then don’t buy one.” Logan nodded to my mother. “We can bring ours until those two are ready.”
They made a good point, but with the way the family was growing, another high chair wouldn’t be a waste.
My mom made her way back to the house and I followed her. She didn’t complain that I was there and I took that as a good sign. The kitchen and living area were huge and combined, so family gatherings could easily be accommodated. The farm style kitchen also opened up into the dining area, so my mom never felt excluded when she was preparing meals. Not that it was a risk when anyone of us would be in the kitchen with her.
Both my parents insisted we all learn to cook, clean, change a tire, do groceries, and pay bills. The degrees of success had varied with each skill and with each sibling.
I’d never learned my mother’s ability to cook, but I did learn her ability to check an engine and change a tire. In fact, both of us were better mechanics than any of the men in our family.
Still, the men were helping my dad with the grill, and Cassie and Julie were on their way with the rest of the kids. I wanted to talk to my mother before I got too preoccupied.
“Hey, Mom.” I took a beer from the fridge, pulled up a stool and sipped.
She didn’t look up from the carrots she was grating. “Hello, Rebecca. Get the mayo. You can mix the coleslaw together.”
I took that as progress. If she didn’t want me around, she wouldn’t be giving me chores. Right?
Bending down to get the mayonnaise from the fridge, I considered what I wanted to say. “Mom, I’m really sorry.”