Page 30 of The Doctor

I sat back on the stool and started doing as she asked.

My mother looked up at me. “What exactly are you sorry about, Rebecca?”

That was the million-dollar question. Wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry for not telling you. I really am.”

“Are you really?” My mother had a bee in her bonnet. I knew she did. But she wanted me to get there on my own. I hated when she did that.

“I mean, in part, yes. I am sorry. But I don’t think I would’ve done anything differently. If you knew, you would’ve stopped me from giving him up.”

“And why did you need to give him up?”

“Mom, I can’t.” I sighed knowing I was disappointing her once more. “Not until Logan knows why. And Dom. I need to speak to the two of them first.”

“Okay. I respect that.” She started buttering the bread rolls. “For now. But can I give you some advice?” I nodded and she continued. “The reasons you did what you did are between you and Logan. Tell him first.” She pointed the butter knife at me. “Dom is so filled with anger, the reason you gave him up is not going to matter to him. You want Logan to have processed your reasoning, so he can back you up.”

“Thanks, Mom.” That was really good advice. Not that I expected anything less from my mother. “I really am sorry, Mom.”

“I just feel like such a failure, Rebecca.’ She put the knife down and looked me straight in the eyes. “Like you didn’t feel you could come to me. Like I fell short or something.”

“Mom, not at all.” How did I explain it to my mom? “You gave me the best gift of all. You made sure that we, your kids, trusted each other. That we could go to one another. Like the way Ollie used to take Debbie to music festivals even when you said no, because he knew she would sneak out anyway and at least hecould keep her safe. Or the way we covered for each other when we missed curfew. You created an environment where we looked out for each other. Mom, I wasn’t alone because you had ensured it. I hoped to give that to my kids someday.”

My mother frowned. “Hoped? You used past tense.”

“Not now mom.”

“Yes, now Rebecca. I’m your mother.”

I let out a little sigh. I wanted to tell her. I wanted my mom to do what she always did when I dealt with people thinking I was less feminine because I was tomboy or my career choice was masculine. Interestingly, that happened as often as men in the army thinking I couldn’t do my job. Men thought I wasn’t much of a woman because I could handle an engine or a gun better than them.

“When Goose shot me last year, I know the doctors said nothing major was hit. But that wasn’t the case. One of the bulletsdidhit something major.” Once again, I looked away as I said the hardest sentence to ever come out of my mouth. “I cannot have children. Logan just reminded me I can still be a mother. But, Mom, I can never get pregnant.”

“Oh, Rebecca, I am so sorry.” She froze on the spot.

I took the time to say the one thing that had plagued me from the time the doctor shared the news. “Mom, what if it's the universe’s way of telling me I’m not fit to be a parent?”

“That is not the case, Rebecca. Not at all.” My mother wiped her hands as she made her way around the island. She pulled me into her arms and held me tight. With that gesture, the floodgates opened. I had been so close to tears all the time over the last few weeks. That one night in the shower was the only time I let go. But in my mom’s arms, it was like I could finally let it all out.

I heard talking and I was shuffled to another pair of arms. A very familiar pair of arms. The only pair of arms more comfortable than my mom’s.

I looked over at my mother. “I don’t want to talk to the family about this.”

“I will let them know.” My mother held my gaze. “But you also need to talk about what we spoke about.”

I nodded. My mother knew why I had done what I did. Because we both understood taking care of our man. I looked up at Logan. “We’ll talk when we get home.”

18

LOGAN

As much as I wanted Bex to tell me what she and her mother were talking about, I also knew it was the first time that she had spent any real time with her family since everything came to a head three weeks ago. She needed the time with them. Especially her mother.

I was transferring the car seats from Cassie’s car to mine when I felt the presence behind me. It was one I welcomed. Because it meant they were ready to forgive me.

“I meant what I said.” Nick’s deep voice held a warning. “Please don’t leave her again.”

That was an easy one to deal with. “I have no intention of going anywhere. You know that.”

---