Page 26 of Forever Not Yours

I nodded. Because of course I was. I just didn’t feel it. Not right now.

Then he did something weird. Leaning over, he opened the drawer in his bedside table and took out a pair of short, black leather gloves.

I’d never seen them before.

“I want to ask you a few very simple questions,” he started, putting the gloves neatly on the table. “Yes orno answers are good enough. Do you think you can manage that?”

I wondered if he’d completely lost his marbles. The thoughts that popped up in my brain were weird. I shook my head. Selective mutism, my arse. I’d always been like this. If I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t speak. Sometimes I didn’t even know how to.

“You can even nod. I don’t mind. They’re simple questions. Okay? First one. How are you feeling right now?”

“What’s with the gloves?”

“I asked a question. One that requires an answer.”

I said nothing. Typical Jake. Demanding words he knew I wouldn’t give. But he tightened his hold on me, pulling me close, his mouth now on my neck, his breath hot against my skin. I liked that. Weirdly.

“You’re completely safe, and you’re in control here. I’m only here to help you, because I think there are things you need. I’ll give them to you, if you let me. But I need to know that you’re okay with what I’m thinking.”

“I don’t know what crap Juliet’s been telling you…” I started, and then I stopped, once again muted by his gentle shushing, the way his hands were stroking my arms, across my chest. My skin prickled with chills, yet my cheeks were flaming. I wanted to escape and run. At the same time, I couldn’t, because he was holding me, and somehow, he was right. I was panicking on the inside but felt…safe. He told me, and I believed him because he was Jake, but this whole thing…

“You don’t have to.” I had no idea where the words were coming from. “You’re not… Don’t need…”

“This has nothing to do with Juliet. This is you and me. Nothing else. And I’m going to look after you, if you let me.”

Easy and simple questions, he said. Bullshit.

“I don’t need shit.”

“Don’t be a brat, Bastien. You do need. And I think you’ve been doing things you shouldn’t have, when you should’ve just talked to me. You know this.”

He kept shushing my desperate breaths, calming me down with every stroke of my skin. Another soft kiss on my neck.

“Are you ready to answer my questions?”

My throat made a sound. It wasn’t me this time.

“Okay. Do you trust me? Just nod if you don’t want to speak. Or shake your head.”

“Yes. I’m not a baby.”

“And…” He swallowed, blowing out air over my neck. “I’m going to try to make you feel better. Take you out of your head for a bit. But you’ll have to trust me and let me know how far I can go.”

“How far? That’s rich from the guy who keeps randomly fucking me.” I didn’t mean that. It just came out, and the way my chest was heaving, I would either throw up or start to cry if he didn’t stop and let me go. I was suddenly on a knife’s edge, and I truly didn’t know how to deal. Not with him, not right now.

“Okay. Let’s change this around then.”

Fuck him. Oh God, fuck him to kingdom come, because he flipped me over on his lap, and now I was face down on the bed with my legs barely against the floor, and my hands were grappling with the sheets as he made himself comfortable. His hands on my hips, then stroking my back. More shushing.

“Bastien, I’m not going to fuck you,” he said softly. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do. Remember? You’re in charge here. So this is whatis going to happen. I’ll ask the questions, and if you don’t feel like answering, I’m going to…”

He stopped, clearly rattled by something. His hands no longer on my body, all I could hear behind me was his breaths. Deep. Hard.

Almost as hard as mine. The panic on my inside was now clearly on the outside, and I was shivering, breathing far too fast, scrambling to get off the bed. I needed to leave. Now.

Yet I didn’t.

I could feel my blood pumping, the noise in my ears so loud. Everything was too loud despite the room being completely silent. Just him staring at his hands. Me, standing rigid right there in front of him. Our breaths.

---