Page 17 of Forever Not Yours

He left me to it and let me get away with being a dick. I was grateful, yet I was itching for a fight. I wanted him to scream at me. Something. Anything.

I broke him in three days. Now, that had not been my intention, but I made it back to his sofa three days in a row. I’d avoided speaking to him, almostcompletely, because he worked late shifts, cracking people’s backs, necks, loosening up hips and lumbar regions of poor Londoners who could only get off work in the evenings. Hence, he didn’t come home until I was already fast asleep, and Jakey, being who he was, was considerate and kind and left me to rest.

Well, he also was constantly grabbing my phone to scan my sensor and make sure I had eaten and was monitoring my bloods, which irritated me to hell because it of course woke me up. But my bloods were fine. Honestly, I was fine, which made him utter that little sigh of relief and put my phone back on charge. I could hear him. And he knew, no doubt, I was awake. We danced a careful dance around each other, those three days in a row. I went to work. He went to work. Flossie got walked and fed. I could hear him taking her out, like we’d made arrangements, when we hadn’t.

Don’t get me wrong. I was grateful. More grateful than he’d ever know, because I hadn’t been lying when I said I needed to sleep. Reset. Figure things out in my head.

I needed this. Just a place where I could be and not think too hard. Because the thoughts in my head werenot good or sane or easy to deal with, so I didn’t. I ignored everything around me for three days.

Day four, Jake was home when I got in, and he scared the living daylights out of me, standing there at the kitchen counter, his hand raised as if he was doing something and had been frozen in time. I probably looked just as startled standing there in the small hallway of his open-plan flat with nowhere to hide. Bathroom off to the side. Bedroom at the back. A sleek kitchen island. His goddamn treadmill taking up the space where his dining table should have been.

He didn’t own one. I strangely loved that about him.

Flossie yapped and bounced around my feet. I lifted her up and gave her a cuddle. Something small and uncomplicated, love, the only way I could deal with it right now. It was all I had left.

“Shoes off,” Jakey grunted, but I didn’t care. In fact, I liked it. It was a small piece of normality—something I craved right now when nothing was normal.

“Your parents have rung me twice today, and it’s starting to piss me off. I decided to come home early and get you to talk to me. Enough, Bastien.”

Oh, so that was the plan. I had nothing to say, because I was already stressed and freaked out to the limit. I stood there, silent, with Flossie messing about to the point where I had to put her down on the floor. She scooted straight over to Jake, who gave her something out of a packet. A titbit.

Traitor.

“Don’t give her treats. It’s not good for her.”

“So you are talking then?”

Was I? Well. That was the end of it. I marched over to the bathroom and went inside, leaving the door to slam shut behind me. Locked it. Then I stood there like the fool I was. I hadn’t managed to find enough guts to speak to Mum and Dad. I didn’t want to have that conversation, not yet.

I stripped off my suit in an angry frenzy and got in the shower, let the water cool my skin. I needed to go to bed, walk Flossie. Switch off.

But I knew Jake. He wouldn’t let me get away with my usual tricks. Not this time. I could tell from the stomping around he was doing out there in the kitchen. The fridge door banged shut. He was no doubt making me a cup of tea, strong, with milk,probably accompanied by a suitable snack, something small but healthy. Not like Juliet’s constant vegetable crudités. Jake would cut up chicken breast, pieces of grilled bacon, sun-dried tomatoes. I loved those.

I was drifting again and not concentrating, which was why I walked out into the room with a towel around my waist, only to get pinned in against the wall by Jake, his strong arms either side of my head, his eyes locked on me as I slowly looked up.

Fuck.

“Stop it,” he said sternly. “This all stops now. We need to talk about stuff.”

Stuff? No, Jakey, we do not need to talk about stuff.I breathed and tried to focus on the scruff on his chin, the scent of him. The way he breathed too. Swallowed. His Adam’s apple moving up and down.

This was not what I’d expected. Not at all. All these feelings bubbling through my veins. Jake was safety and comfort, not…not this. I licked my lips—a nerve impulse. I felt vulnerable, exposed. My hair was still wet from the shower, droplets running down my neck. He moved, one big heavy hand slowly landing on my shoulder.

I tried to turn out of his temporary jail, wanting to escape this inevitable scenario where he would talk to me, and I would say something that would make what remained of my life a living hell. I had so many things I wanted to say but refused to say them.

Story of my life.

He was faster, stronger, quicker, no doubt smarter too, because his other hand was now around my chin and his chest was crushing me against the wall.

“Bastien,” he panted.

“Fuck you.” That was me, of course.

I allowed myself to look at him, and he looked back, stern and solid to my frazzled self. We just stood there, our eyes locked in some kind of insane standoff, but there was something else there as well, something only I could read. I felt it. Damn, I felt it. Something bubbling under the surface, like an unstoppable wave. However much I tried to push it back, it was right there, and I could see it in him too, the slow panic rising in his chest, coupled with that look in his eyes.

It scared me senseless; of course it did. Everything frightened me right now, but Jake? He was what scared me the most.

Then all of a sudden, our lips were fused. I had no idea who had moved first, if he kissed me or if I had gone for him. We were just suddenly there, inseparable and fighting for space and depth, our mouths doing that thing he was so good at, mine lapping up every small breath of air from his lungs as he stole all of mine, kissed me so deep and hard that I actually felt a little breathless.

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