Page 69 of Forever Not Yours

“You don’t mess around, do you?” He smiled. I could feel it.

“It’s what I like.”

“It’s what Ineed. It calms me. No control. No stress. Just you, everywhere. I never realised that was it, but it’s clear now.”

“Anything you need, I’ll give it to you.”

“You serious about that fisting thing?”

I let a giggle rip. “Bastien, It’s not a simple thing. It’s something we’re going to need to work at. Get youstretched out real good. Practise. Then one day, I’ll blow your mind.”

“Sounds terrifying. Can’t wait.”

I laughed. And it was wonderful. Freeing. Delightful in a world where I was so worried. Where everything seemed to be slowly working out.

“I love you. Remember that. Whatever you need, whatever you want, whatever happens. You’re mine. Okay?”

“I know,” he said softly. Then he kissed me.

Perhaps I knew too. Perhaps words didn’t always matter. We were good. Just like this.

“In a couple of weeks, when I’m not this tired…” I started, pausing to take another mouthful of food. “I’m going to be in charge for a whole weekend. You’ve had your fun now, and Ithink you owe me.”

“I do?” He grinned. Handsome bastard. That scruffy face. Twinkling eyes. Those lips on that filthy mouth of his. He’d showered now, so was once again clean and smelled of soap. All smiles.

“Yup. We deserve a break, so I have plans.”

“Oh, do you now?”

He sounded like my dad. I didn’t think he’d mind that. Bloody Jake of all people.

“How are you feeling?” I asked with a wink.

“I’m still in charge here,” he said sternly. “You know this.”

“It’s only one weekend,” I retaliated. “I’m going to take you out.”

He raised an eyebrow, and I just laughed. Burnt out, my arse. Well, I was. I still couldn’t sleep more than two hours straight without waking up thinking I was having a heart attack. My blood sugars were still rampantly fucking with me. The new pump was easier to dose up and screeched like a banshee if I forgot. So yeah. Probably a better fit, I agreed with my doctor there.

But this? This right here? I had no complaints. My mum had joked that I had stepped back in time andbecome twenty-something Bastien again. She said I was like the old me, and that pulling the plug on everything else had been a good decision. Maybe that was what I’d done—pulled the plug on the old Bastien. Maybe I was trying to erase the last year of my life, which even thinking about it gave me stomach aches.

“I spoke to Juliet today,” he said, putting his fork down and watching me. Gauging my reaction, no doubt. “She seemed fine. Less erratic.”

“Juliet is never erratic. Just a little frazzled by all of this.”

“She’s still absolutely distraught. Let’s not belittle that.”

“I know. It’s going to be like this for a while,” I admitted quietly. He was right. He always was. However much I tried to pretend things were fine between Juliet and me, they weren’t. Perhaps they never would be.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked instead, hopefully changing the subject for now.

“Shoot.” He took another mouthful of food. Nice food. Posh salad. Seared chicken and stuff.

“Why are you like this?”

He chewed. Swallowed. Grinned.

“Like this?” he repeated.

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