Page 58 of Forever Not Yours

“No, you’re going to chill out. Gentle workouts, watch some TV, take Flossie out in the sun. Figure out where you want to go from here.”

He didn’t look sure about any of that, but I patted him reassuringly on the arm and took our plates away.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked. Because yeah. Me. I had to figure this out too. Not be so bloody overbearing, but I was still new to everything we’d become.

“Purple,” he muttered.

“And what does that mean?”

“It means, fuck off and stop talking in bloody colours all the time.”

“Bastien…” I shook my head.

“It’s good sometimes, but it’s a bit much. I’m okay. Calm. I’ve taken my meds, pump is fine, I’ve eaten and had a nap.”

“And you got finger-fucked until you came all over yourself.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“You’re welcome.”

At least I’d gotten a smile out of him. The small things made me happy.

“What were you doing in that bar?”

I still needed answers. Now. We’d done so well this afternoon, but I was itching to sort this out, whatever it was.

He was trying so hard to not roll his eyes, but yes. He was rattled. It was the question he didn’t want to deal with.

“It’s not like that. Not today,” he said quietly.

“But you’d been there before?”

“Yeah. But you do that too, don’t you? Go to bars. Hookup. It’s not like—”

“It is. When you’re with me, it’s a big deal.”

Grumpy Bastien was cute. Confused and grumpy and conflicted Bastien was irresistible. Totally kissable. Which I demonstrated by awkwardly leaning over the table and slobbering over his mouth as he pouted and pushed me away.

“We’re not…like…a couple.”

“Oh, but we are,” I insisted. “We’re together. I’ve told you. You’re mine. All mine. You left Juliet, and now you live here and it’s as simple as that.”

It wasn’t, but he wasn’t getting away with this. Not after all this time.

“I told you earlier…”

“Yes, you did.” I sat down.Patience, Jake.

“Sometimes when I feel out of control, when things get on top of me, I go out and get someone to fuck me. Makes me feel better about everything for a little while, until I get back home and then I feel even shittier about myself.”

“Coping mechanism,” I said. “It’s actually just what people do.”

“Not when they’re in a relationship. And not when they do it to cheat on people.”

“You’ve done that?” Okay. Gut punch. Although, yeah. I could see it.

He took a deep breath.

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