Page 54 of Forever Not Yours

“Says the guy with the perfect arse.”

“I don’t have the perfect arse.”

“I’ve been wanting to spank it for years. Finally got my wish, and I can die a happy man now.”

“You’re not dying.”

“Neither are you. I’m going to make sure of that.”

Idiot.

“The spanking?” I asked. I was intrigued about that, and it just came out.

“I like it.” Jake in a nutshell. Honest. Direct. “Get off on it, but only if the guy taking it is enjoying it. You were.”

Okay. I swallowed down another mouthful of tea, almost sending it the wrong way. Not good, and now I had tea on my tie.

“I saw it in porn once.” I’d never admitted that to anyone before, and I had no idea why I’d said it now.

“Good boy,” he replied, looking at me with all that kindness. I’d missed it today, the way he looked at me, the virtual sunshine that radiated from him and warmed my face.

He reached out and gently tugged at my tie, pulled on the knot, untying it, and smoothed out the fabric, twirling it around his fingers in a way that was mesmerising to watch. Silk against his skin.

It turned me on. Another weird thing I couldn’tquite explain.

“Have you been to that bar in Tufton Street before?” he asked.

Okay. So we were doing this, whatever this was.

“Colours still apply,” he added, waiting for me to respond.

“Orange?” I said weakly.

“Orange? As in ‘I need OJ’? Your alarms are not going off.”

“No.” I smiled. I had no idea why. “Orange is forI need Jake not to be angry with me. You’re still hurt, and yes, you’re angry, and it’s making me antsy.”

“Of course I’m angry. You put yourself at risk and are potentially fucking other guys behind my back. I’m going to be both fucking hurt and angry.”

“I’m not.” Truth. An absolute one.

“But you have, before.”

“Yes.” It came out before I could think. Surprising, but it was a relief to simply have admitted that. To him. Mostly to myself.

“If that’s something you need in your life, then I will have to step back and think about this. It’s not something I’m into. I don’t want to share you with anyone, least of all randoms in bars.”

“No,” I said, my head spinning, then slowing down. “It’s a coping mechanism. That’s what Juliet called it.”

“Juliet.”

“Sorry.”

“We’re going to have to work on this. Juliet is important to you, I get that, but she should not be part of this conversation. We need to set some clear rules here.”

“She is important. I want to work with her, because it’s my career. My job. And she’s great, and also… Sorry.”

“Exactly. Juliet is work. She is also my friend and your ex. All things we’re going to have to figure out, but we’re not talking about work now.”

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