Page 53 of Forever Not Yours

“Juliet said today that I was her weakness, like I’m the one that makes her derail and make bad decisions. Felt a bit like a gut punch.” Changing the subject like a pro.

“Doesn’t always mean that. Perhaps she meant that you’re the one who makes her human, grinding down those sharp edges. It’s not a bad thing.”

“But it felt like it, and it made me think, right now, about you.”

“What about me?”

“The way we are.”

“You and me? We’re fine. We always have been. Different, but fine. This whole—”

“No.”

“No what, Bastien?”

I was just sat there, holding my still-full mug, frustration filling my whole being, my heart beating too fast. I’d interrupted him mid-flow. Now I had to get all these words out somehow.

“You’re not my weakness. Not at all. You’re the one thing in my life that makes me strong, because I always know that whatever is going on, you will look after me, make sure I’m okay, and then you’ll help me figure everything out. You’re my strength.”

Calm. The fuck. Down.

He watched me in silence, calm pouring from him. I seeped it up like a parched pot plant.

Calm. Breathe, Bastien.

“I will always look after you,” he said. “Always help you if I can. But I have my limits, Bastien, and today you’re pushing them.”

“Remember when we went to Alicante?” I needed a break, something neutral to get me back on track, steer him away from the hurt state he was still in.

“My first time abroad.” Oh, yes, it had been. I’d forgotten about that.

“First year of uni. Mum and Dad invited you, and we rocked up at the hotel and they’d booked two single rooms for us. Thought we’d be thrilled to have some alone time.”

He smiled again.

“And you threw a tantrum like a child, said you couldn’t sleep in that cockroach-infested hovel and demanded to swap to get a double, so I could stay with you.”

Yes. That had been me. Well, could you blame me? I was on holiday with Jake, and I wasn’t going to sit in a room on my own and study stock market strategies, was I?

“We were on holiday. Those single rooms feltlike prison cells.”

Still smiling.

“I loved it. That holiday was the best. But also the absolute worst.”

“Why?” I finally took a sip of tea. Cold, yet still comforting. I didn’t mind.

“Because that was the summer I realised that you were the one for me. I mean, we were still young, but I knew. Absolutely. And you know that photo I took of you? Standing on the edge of the pool?”

“The butt photo?”

“The perfect shot of your arse.”

I was smiling too now, because of course I remembered. Good photo. I’d been young and not quite the gym bunny I was these days, but I’d looked good, and it had been the perfect shot of my backside. I had seen it, even then.

“I jerked off to that photo for years. Couldn’t have the real thing, but it was good enough.”

“Freak.”

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