Page 42 of Forever Not Yours

“I need to be able to function.” Now he was pacing the room, and that in itself made me nervous. I hated when he did that, frustration oozing out of his pores. “Like, I need to be able to sit down at work and not wince every time I move. I mean, the spanking was hot as fuck, but I can’t do this. Everything hurts.”

Oh God, what had I done? “I’m so sorry, I…”

I had noexcuses.

“Most people who are into this are into the whole bit afterwards too.” I recoiled at my own words. I knew better than this, and I really couldn’t shift the blame on anyone else. The only one at fault here was me—me and my stupid sense of dominance and ego. It didn’t work for him, and I should have known that. I’d known him for years—years and years. “Some people are really into the bruises. Pain… I just assumed… Shit. We should have talked about this. It’s just that Juliet said—”

“Juliet knows shit and shouldn’t be talking to you about private stuff.”

“She only wanted to…share so I could make you feel better about all this.”

“Better?” he almost shrieked. “How the fuck is this supposed to make me feel better? I know Juliet always said I was calmer after she had a go at me, but shit, Jakey. I can’t even bend over to wipe my arse without everything stinging like hell.”

“The gloves pack a punch.” I didn’t know why I was smiling, because it wasn’t funny. Not at all. I needed an ego check, and this was not it, because I was so incredibly confused, oneminute doubting all my instincts, the next, knowing without a doubt that he needed this, neededme, all that I was.

“Don’t you fucking laugh at me,” he warned, waving his arm around. “Not fucking funny.”

“I agree, it’s not.” I was trying here, and my ridiculous juvenile held-back laughter was not helping. “I know it’s not funny.”

“Gloves were hot on you. You should wear more sexy shit like that.”

“You need a harness. A bratty one.”

“Fuck you.”

That seemed to be his response to most things, but at least I got a small smile out of him.

“Bastien, I love you. I know I say it all the time, but I do. It’s not just matey talk.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does. It means bloody everything, because you’re the most important person in my life. You always have been. Even when we barely saw each other, we texted every day, you used to ring me at the weekend, and then you’d pop round if it had been too long. You’ve always been here for me. And even if you don’tbelieve me right now, I love you. Fucking forever and always.”

He gave no reaction to that little pathetic outburst. Not even an eye roll.

“And I’m serious about a harness. You’re made for one. Just so I can keep you in place when I fuck you.”

“I’m going to bed.”

“I still need to put cream on you.”

“Red,” he said, then he walked off.

I let him, but only for a few minutes, because his pump alarm went off and I wasn’t going to tolerate his bratty teenaged tantrums any longer. We needed to talk about things, because this whole relationship was sinking faster than I could piss off my colleagues. My phone was relentlessly going off somewhere, no doubt James from reception shouting at me for once again messing up everyone’s schedules and hissing in that annoying voice he used when he was being pissy that I needed to get a grip. For once, I agreed.

“Bastien,” I barked, finding him standing next to the bed, pump in his hand.

“Low battery,” he muttered, pushing past me, going back into the kitchen, fiddling around with chargingleads, swapping the sensor over, then pricking his finger and checking his bloods manually.

He may have been throwing a tantrum, but he was still good. Responsible. Making sure he was healthy.

I was so bloody proud of him.

“You’re amazing,” I said, keeping far enough from him to give him some space. I couldn’t focus, not when he was right there, so close yet miles away. I felt like we got so incredibly intimate at times, only for him to drift. It frustrated me no end, and right now, I felt like he’d once again slammed the door in my face.

“You’re so good at looking after yourself, and I really am…so sorry. I did this all wrong, again. Got carried away with what I wanted more than checking in with you. I won’t do that again.”

“It’s not you,” he replied, surprisingly calm. “It’s everything. Everything is bloody stressing me out, and my bloods are all over the place, and I think this pump is fucked. Nothing is charging and I need to sleep.”

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