Page 29 of Forever Not Yours

“Thank you for talking to me. I really need this.” It felt good to tell him. I hoped he knew how good he was doing. How much we probably both needed this.

“I don’t. Does my head in.”

“You do know that it’s perfectly normal,” I tried to reassure him. “There are even words for it. You don’t actually need the words though. You just need to be you. Because there are people who love you, just the way you are. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, see how well that went with Juliet. And Kathryn. I fucked that one up really well too.”

Okay. I remembered Kathryn. Never got to the bottom of that little dramatic breakup. Apart from that Jake had spent weeks here on my sofa. I was starting to see a pattern. An uncomfortable one.

“You can’t go on like this.”

“Fucking right,” he sighed.

“Okay.” I took control. Because someone bloody had to. “I have more questions, but for now I’m going to get you up and get us some tea and toast. Clear up Flossie’s mess and take her out. I can definitely smell it now. Unless you farted.”

I was trying to make a joke, but he just sighed.

“Bastien. This is what is going to happen now.” Control. He needed it, and I took it. “This weekend? I will change the rules around here. I will be in charge, and I will look after you. You won’t have to think ormake decisions or even lift a finger. I want you to just relax and let me, for once, properly care for you. But I need your consent, because I might make you do things you won’t like.”

“Like what?” Here was bratty Bastien, right on cue. “You gonna make me scrub the floor?”

I sat myself up. Pulled him up as well, once again facing him on the bed. His white crumpled T-shirt. His hair on edge. That beautiful face on him scrunched into a nervous scowl.

“I’m going to ask you questions. You are going to answer them. And if you don’t? There will be consequences. I will be in charge and you?”

“Do as I’m told?” Snarky little shit.

“Yes.” He was looking right at me. Solid. So beautiful in his fragile self. His eyes all glassy as I leant forward and kissed him, just softly tasting his lips.

He let me, kissing me back. Nips of my lips that went straight to my stupid heart.

“Do you trust me?” I questioned again, staring him down. He didn’t look away. I wouldn’t let him.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I don’t get it, though. What you want.”

“You do as I say. As you’re told. And you let me make the rules. All weekend.”

There was a small smile there. But also fear. God help us both.

“Okay,” he whispered.

“Okay.” I smiled. “You,” I repeated, holding his chin between my fingers. “Will be mine. All weekend. And I promise you, that by Monday? This will all have been worth it.”

Iwondered what weird drugs Jake had been munching, because I had no idea what he was on about. He was putting on a load of laundry and trying to break open a carton of washing powder, and I wassitting on the sofa eating toast and drinking tea, my packets of meds lined up nicely in front of me on the coffee table as I put out the right amount of small white pills to go into my medicine organiser. Two for the morning, one at lunch, two at night. A red one in the middle. Seven rows of days. So many pills.

So what if Jake was making the rules? I would be bored stiff come Monday, sitting around like this. We were apparently washing sheets, walking Flossie, getting some shopping in and then what? Would he bend me over the worktop again and fuck me senseless? I wasn’t even sure that was an option during this weekend of his rules. I had no clue.

But I agreed with one thing. The idea of him having all the control.

Fucking hell. Terrifying.

Did I trust him?

I did. And that was even more frightening.

“Doyoutrustme?” came out of my mouth before I could stop it. I had no sense, but the realisation of where his earlier question had come from hit me like a brick.

“I do,” he replied behind me. “Even though I don’t trust that you know what’s good for you right now. I know you want to run, but I won’t let you. We’re going to work some things out, and if you do as you’re told, you’ll see what I mean.”

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